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[...] infertility and psychology This entry was posted in Mens Health and tagged being a woman, pregnancy by . Bookmark the permalink. [...]

The Harvard article is well done, thanks for the link. One of the most helpful things my therapist ever said to me after our first unsuccessful IVF was that I was experiencing a “loss of an expectation” and that our brains don’t really know the difference between that and any other type of loss. It makes a lot of sense.

I now understand after 10 years of infertility the after effects, can last for years afterwards as it did with me. I have only realised myself, that all those years that I was unable to conceive I thought I was an absolute freak, that I was defective. To understand in my own mind that I am not that anymore has given me so much more freedom for myself to move on in my life. I am now coaching women that experiencing infertility.

It is amazing to me the total lack of compassion that our society has for anyone suffering from infertility. I was lucky enough to have 2 but I feel tremendous sadness for anyone who truly wanted to have a child and could not. People will say “well, you can always adopt, etc.” But I know that I very much wanted to experience pregnancy. After all, pregnancy is a big part of being a woman and I wanted to breastfeed my children. This, in itself, is a loss to a woman who wants to experience it for herself. Plus, adoption is a very difficult and expensive process. I think it is very inconsiderate to say something like that. To my infertile friends, I always tried to be understanding of their feelings and not complain about the minor annoyances of pregnancy. Plus as Kyla says, it is neverending to hear about all the others who are pregnant. This was super hard on my friend who worked in a High School and had to see pregnant teens all the time and then they would bring in their babies to show off. I am glad to see this topic getting some serious attention. The lucky people need to show some empathy, it is just common decency. And to those who blather about adoption, I will ask them why THEY did not pursue it since they find it so appealing? Yes, some people will go that route but many people feel a very strong desire to have genetic children and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that is what made us 6 Billion on this planet.

I’m glad I found this article, I don’t feel quite as alone now. I’ve been struggling with it for years and trying to come to terms with the fact that I will not hold a child of my own. The last 2 years have been the hardest, finding out definitely that we couldn’t, then 2 of our nieces got pregnant and all anyone talked about was what their first Mothers Day was going to be like….all i wanted to do was curl up, cry and scream at them how unfair it was….they did have gorgeous babies, and I love them with all my heart; but a piece of me cries everytime i see them. I stopped trying to talk about how I felt when the first niece got pregnant cause all i was told was “Get over it and move on it’s not the end of the world.” But to me it felt like it…being told i couldn’t have kids was the end of a very long and very precious dream…so yeah to me it was the end of the world and sometimes it still is; but the great niece and great nephew have helped a little in filling the empty space that was left behind with the shatter of that dream.

So thank you for doing this article, it makes me realise that I am not alone, and that it really is okay for me to feel like crying or screaming sometimes….