I have breastfed all of my younger children and absolutely loved it, the bonding experience, knowing I was giving them the best nutrition possible, the convenience, I loved everything about it. But my oldest was bottlefed from the start. I was VERY young when she was born (as you know) and I was not comfortable enough with my body nor mature enough to understand just how important and how great of a bonding experience it was.

I would call myself a breastfeeding advocate – I want society to start being more accepting of breastfeeding mothers; I want Mom’s to feel comfortable nursing in public; I want it to be normal.

And yes, I think breast is probably best.

That being said, I respect a Mom’s choice *not* to breastfeed – especially if it is the only thing keeping a woman from having a baby. I have a friend who just can’t get her head around breastfeeding, and despite wanting children, she is avoiding having any because of this. I don’t think the fear of breastfeeding should keep someone from having kids. So, I can understand it a little bit… I think.

I totally agree. I worked very hard to breastfeed my son. I’m still doing it 6 months later. Here’s a sad reality — your boobs will sag whether or not you nurse your children. It’s GRAVITY and AGE. Formula will never replace breastmilk, not nutritionally, not replacing the bond that it gives you. And I agree, some women try and can’t, that’s a different story. I know they face a lot of pain and guilt and they shouldn’t. I don’t know. I’d love to hear the reasoning, too.

Allow me to shed some light, I hope. My perspective is this. She isn’t beating her children, she isn’t starving her children, she’s giving them safe, well regulated baby formula. Get off your high horse. I hate this attitude of “you can make any decision you want as long as you don’t decide to formula feed before you’ve done every SINGLE thing that medical science can offer you to make you capable of breastfeeding.” Some people are just uncomfortable with it. And at the end of they day it is their decision. Get over it. I’m tired of reading stories on babble about how much better one thing is than another. Give us happy uplifting stories, or stories about cute clothes, or celebrities, or stories we can relate to about the perils and pitfalls of parenting. But quit with the holier than thou judging bullshit.

Andrea, thank you. For fuck’s sake, THANK YOU.

Andrea, I don’t think she was necessarily judging mothers who choose NOT to breastfeed. As a former breastfeeder, I wonder the same thing. And I don’t wonder that in order to judge them or refute their reasoning for NOT breastfeeding. I wonder because I’m genuinely curious as to what it is about breastfeeding that turns women’s stomachs.

I think it was on the Leaky B@@b’s Facebook page recently where I read a comment that was disdainful of the phrase “breast is best.” The commenter pointed out that breast is NORMAL and I haven’t been able to get that out of my head since I read it. It’s kind of been an attitude changer for me. Instead of wanting mothers to breastfeed because it’s “best,” I want them to do it because it is the normal thing to do and should be considered as such. That thread went on to point out that we lost nearly two generations of breastfeeding women in this country, so for us, we’ve got to steer back to breastfeeding as the normal thing that happens when a woman gives birth. Sadly, I think that’ll be a long time coming, if ever, because we’ve become such a society of “convenience.”

I breastfed my daughter for the first year. I did it because I believed that “breast is best” and because, let’s face it, we couldn’t afford formula.

I hated every single second of it. At no point did it feel like a special bonding moment. At no point did it feel magical, or special.

I was unable to pump, which meant that for an entire year, there was not a day when I had a break.

In my opinion, it exasperated my postpartum depression.

I love my daughter. I believe that I did what was healthy for her….I also believe that I did not do what was healthy for me.

In the future, if I have another child, I don’t know what I will do. Sadly, I will probably breastfeed again, not because it is wonderful, but because formula hasn’t gone down in price any, and because I’m not ready to deal with the shame and judgement that I know I will receive if I’m honest that breastfeeding was the worst part of motherhood that I have experienced.

I really don’t think it’s anyone else’s place to decide what is right for someone else’s child. I am not BF’ing my baby when he is born because I have severe social anxiety. I have been struggling for the past 5 months not being on my medication. It would not be in my son’s best interest if I were not in my best frame of mind when he comes into the world. Therefore, I decided to go back onto my medication as soon as he comes home. I don’t think anybody except my husband and I, has any right to be judgmental when they do not know my situation. I don’t go judging other mom’s, so I expect the same respect.

I only lasted a few months breast feeding. I have to say I felt very guilty when I stopped because I felt like I failed. I mentally had a hard time getting in the groove of breast feeding. When I went back to work my schedule made it so difficult to pump. It was a decision I made for my mental health and to make sure my child was getting enough to eat. But…I have friends who didn’t try..and knowing their pesonalities I just don’t think they were comfortable.

Personally, I chose to formula feed my children. I knew that breastfeeding was better, but it’s not the route I chose to go. I can’t make you understand why I chose what I did. Perhaps because I worked in day care where all the babies were formula fed and my first child would go there as well. I also think part of it was my fear from stories I heard of women who tried and didn’t have success.

I believe that no matter how you feed your baby, you form a special bond. Your bond may differ than mine, but it is a wonderful bond none the less. Just because I formula fed does not mean I don’t support breastfeeding. I do. I don’t think we can make breastfeeding moms understand the perspective of formula feeding moms (or vice versa), but I do know I am tired of the bickering.

As a side note, to say that you refuse to breastfeed because it will “ruin your boobs” – that ridiculousness I don’t understand!

Don’t forget that some medications can get included in breast milk. If a mother is on daily medication she could be passing that onto her child. In these cases I don’t think “breast is best”.

I’m a “wanted to but baby couldn’t”. Trying to pump so I could at least bottle feed the breastmilk was a fruitless, exhausting, mentally unhealthy process which I continued for too long. It’s nice that I get a ‘pass’ on not being ‘selfish’ because I tried but I’m constantly angered by similar statements and I find it hard to understand how breastfeeding advocates don’t see that such judgements might actually contribute to people’s decisions to not breastfeed.

A different story. My mother. When formula was not a supermarket staple. She hated breastfeeding. And hate is not an overstatement. When her dislike was translated into her whole body clenching up and baby being dangerously squeezed, she wanted to stop. The visiting baby nurse refused to supply the recipe for healthy, alternative ‘formula’ (a well-guarded secret), even in the face of this danger. Because, obviously, how my mother felt was not relevant. That baby, my sister, was raised on cow’s milk.As was I

I really appreciate that you’ve asked the question. But the answer is simple. Not all experiences of motherhood are the same. Not all people’s experience of their body is the same. Perhaps these ‘will never try’ women know more about their own bodies and themselves than others do. Perhaps the failure to see any alternative explanation to ‘selfishness’ is actually a failure of empathy. and without empathy, those who are worried or uncomfortable about the very idea will be closed off from breastfeeding advocates.

Regardless of ‘breast is best’ could we not pretend that those who don’t breastfeed their children are selfishly perpetrating some irreparable harm to their children? Quite obviously, it would be good if more people breastfed. Equally obviously, there are too many healthy, well-loved people in this world who were raised on formula for such an accusation to be credible. And too many for it not to be offensive too.

Sure, my mother gets a ‘pass’ too, because she tried, but I guarantee you that if she had had a choice she wouldn’t have bothered. And she would have been right, not selfish, because…again, simply… she’s not /you/.

One thing is true about motherhood for virtually everyone, in my opinion, and that is that there is NO option to be selfish. Our bodies (breastfeeding or not), our time, etc no longer belong to us. We give up a lot. We lose jobs, we lose money, we lose friends, we lose sleep, we lose our previous conceptions of ourselves. Everything is changed and we have to slowly rebuild our /own/ lives ard relationships and expectations and hopes around the needs of another. To call someone who does this, who commits herself to two decades of this, selfish simply because of a food choice in the first few months of it? I don’t understand that. It seems callous in the extreme.

Ladies, there are many reasons why people either choose to or choose not to breast feed but I think the thing to remember here is that the only people you have to answer to is your self. I did not BF nor did I even try. My son and I are completely bonded and always on the same page. He has not ever been sickly and as a matter of fact is more healthy than my my nephew who was breastfed. I think it’s very intelligent that people want to understand this choice but honestly it’s all just personal choice and opinions.

Krista– Thank you for adding your thoughts…I know it wasn’t easy for you. You raise some excellent points and illustrate that this isn’t a black or white issue. There are so many ways to raise happy and healthy children. Your comment has helped me to better understand the decision to not try breastfeeding. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that you shared your story here. I have so much admiration for you. xoxoxo

Evonne– Thank you. So much. I think that you’re wrong…but only on one tiny point…that we can’t close the understanding gap. Your words here have helped me to understand. I truly appreciate you.

Cindy– You make a great point here, in that we have “objectified the female body so much that its wholesome and non-sexual uses are utterly foreign to us.” It’s so sad that we’ve done that.

Warp– Yes, you’re totally right about that.

Katie– I wasn’t brought up in that culture either. I was formula fed, as were my siblings and all of my cousins. It makes me sad that teachers aren’t allowed the time to pump. Has that posed a problem for your fellow teachers who breastfeed? In your case, I know that survival was the most important thing after Eddie’s birth. I completely understand. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, my lovely friend. xo

Lani– Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. It was never my intention to be callous. I truly wanted to understand. Your reply has helped with that.

Monica– I am so happy that you ultimately had the opportunity to experience the joys of breastfeeding. I think that for some, not all, having a strong support system and fully committing to nursing helps with success. I appreciate your comment here so much.

Justine– You’re right. No one owes anyone else an explanation. This post was simply an invitation to share for those who wanted to. It was an attempt to close the gap. I just wanted to understand.

I was that “type” of woman before I made the decision to breastfeed. Mostly because my mother didn’t, and I adopted her mindset. Through research and consideration, I decided to try. It didn’t work out (and I ended up feeling bad that I couldn’t provide the best for my child at the time) but I would definitely try again if I have another.

I didn’t breastfeed any of my babies and I am not a selfish mom at all. My 3 boys happen to think I am the greatest thing on the face of this earth. Its a choice for everyone and I didn’t not breastfeed because I wanted “other” people to feed my baby, I just didn’t want to. That is all. And you do sound like your putting yourself on a “high horse”. CHOICE would be a great key word. Have you ever thought that maybe some women don’t like to breastfeed in a restaraunt, or shopping center, not to mention the fact that I have 3 other kids to take care of on a daily basis.

I breastfed both of mine to the 3 mth mark, at which point I dried up. Disliked breastfeeding very much. It was uncomfortable and painful and no one offered suggestions on how to improve it. I was happy when I dried up. That being said I would choose again to try breastfeeding, but I do totally understand that there are various reasons for people not to want to try at all. There are plenty of valid reasons for people not do breastfeed. What I would have the most trouble wrapping my head around is the justification of it ruining your breasts. What about what pregnancy does to your body period? It isn’t pretty and for the majority of women, your body never goes back to the way it was. I will never fit a size 6 again, best I can hope for is an 8 and I am ok with that. And my breasts can be fixed if I save enough money :)

I am one of the few that simply could not breast feed. My son was tongue tied and couldn’t latch on well enough, my milk didn’t completely come in, and to add insult to it all- I was so swollen from the preeclampsia that my entire body was a huge water bag. You could push into any area on my body and the indention would stay for several minutes. I was put on something to force my body to release the fluid. That pretty much ensured that breast feeding was a no go. My doctor told me that it was either take the pills to loose the water weight, or risk dying from it. No brainer there.
The worst part about it all- I tried to force my milk to come in for 6 weeks after my son was born. I was barely getting an ounce a day from both breast combined. He would get that teeny tiny ounce.. but it was the best I could do.
I felt defeated, and cheated.
Then I dealt with all of the judgmental moms that would try and tell me it was all my own fault, I obviously didn’t try hard enough. It couldn’t possibly be because my son and myself had medical reasons that prevented it, no matter how many hours we spent TRYING.

So for a mom to not even consider it, well, it just blows me away.
Probably the same type of mother that gets a tummy tuck within the first 6 months of her child’s life because she can’t stand the site of flabby skin.
To these moms I really want to ask “Why even have children?”

I normally stay out of this debate because I’m one of the ones who wanted to BF but my milk never came in. The LC said that it’s rare, but some women who conceive via IVF just don’t have the hormone to produce milk. For a day and a half I had my son latched on…but when he lost too much weight, they made me choose a formula.

That being said, if I were to have another child, I don’t think I’d BF. I found formula feeding to be easy and convenient and I found having an infant to be nothing short of frazzling 24/7 so ease is a major factor for me.

For first time mothers, especially, having a child is just beyond all expectation. You know this creature is going to need you for every aspect of life however until you live it (which you don’t, really, until you’re out of the hospital) you cannot fathom the intensity. I didn’t enjoy my son’s infancy. Not one bit. I enjoyed him…but my friends all used to laugh at me when he’d be having tummy time or laying on his back on a blanket and I’d ask, “When are you going to do SOMETHING?!?!”

I do feet that the original post does come across a bit offensively although definitely not intentionally. I think SAHMs judge Working Moms, BFmoms judge FF moms…and vice versa. I think we all need to step back and look at the bigger picture — why judge another mother who is not hurting her child? Would you want to be judged for any decision you made as a mother? Of course I also believe people need to lighten up….. :)

Formula is not poison. It’s so NOT a big deal. Some just choose to make it one.

I choose to formula feed my baby when he was born. Not because I was afraid to ruin my boobs or for the fact that formula was available it was because I naturally did not feel comfortable in the process of breast feeding. I find it wrong to think that all moms HAVE to breastfeed to give their child a good start. I had a strong bond with my son from the start and he has always been above average in health, intelligence and social. More importantly than breastfeeding is love.

I couldnt agree more with you Andrea, I am a formula feeding mother and PROUD OF IT. I NEVER tried breastfeeding because the thought of my child eating off me grosses me out. What ever you put into your body your baby is getting and Im no where near comfortable with my child getting EVERYTHING I put into my body in one way or another. Im not a smoker, drinker or drugger, Im a straight edge young mother. I could careless about my boobs sagging because like some one else said its the pregnancy that does it not breastfeeding. My daughter was formula feed and was as healthy as any baby could ever be, she NEVER EVER got sick her whole first year, crawled at 3 months, walked at 6 months and EVERY baby I know that was breastfeed their babies were way later than that so formula feeding is NO WHERE NEAR neglect,depriving or anything negative. I know, understand and accept that every baby is different and every mother parents different but I 100% feel that 95% of breastfeeding mothers are so judgmental against mothers who formula feed. You all preach about the “bond” well what about the boding with the dad, dads cant breastfeed and a lot of breastfeeding mothers dont give their child a bottle. My fiance and I talked about our options and my fiance agrees with me about the whole breastfeeding crap as I call it. We as woman are given that choice the day we were born whether to breastfeed or formula feed and EVERYONE needs to accept that and get off their high horse like Andrea said. If formula was “that bad” for our children they wouldnt even make it so its just as healthy and nutrient as breast milk. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and has been sick 2 times her WHOLE life and she was formula fed from the day she was born til the day she turned 1, so for all you that say formula lacks nutrients, is unhealthy, and kids should never have needs to get over them selves because my daughter along with MILLIONS of other babies are walking images of how formula and breast milk have the same thing in them minus the boob to mouth, feeling. You bond just as much with formula as you do with breast milk but with formula the dads, grand parents, aunts, uncles, siblings all get to also bond with the baby when feeding them . Im SOOOOOOOOO SICK AND TIRED of hearing about these damn posts about breastfeeding vs formula feeding, like said before we are all giving that choice and everyone else needs o just accept it and deal with it. Get over your selves and get off your high horses.

I am very insulted by the question and the jugemental attitude behind it. If you meant to open discussion, you might have worded this differently. I do like the variety of responses you’ve gotten. I BF both my children. My first became very ill and was unable to continue after a month. She was formula fed and is alive and well. My second went about 15 months until he was weaned. He nursed every two hours for almost 4 months. I’m not sure how I survived. I’m not sure what I will choose if I have a third child. It will be MINE to make. Our mother’s generation was told that formula was better. It was something you bought and fed your kids because you could afford it and it afforded you a bit of freedom. The mother’s who can’t or won’t BF believe just as strongly as you do that their babies will thrive with the choice they have made. Being a mom is sometimes lonely and very difficult for lots of different reasons. We need to support eachother, no matter what feeding choice we make.

I am just going to go ahead and say why I didn’t breastfeed. I saw that a couple of women pointed out the possibility. Well, I’m here to say it’s a reality. I did not breast feed my wonderfully healthy, smart children because I was sexually abused for a period of time as a child (7 years old – 12 years old.) Mind you I wasn’t raped, but molested and primarily (but not always) in the chest area. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Either way, I do agree that there is no need for a substantial reasoning for wanting to do it. If a woman chooses simply because of the fear of change within her body, so be it. A lot of women deal with many disorder such as Body dysmorphic disorder among other things so who are we to judge if that is their answer to a blog simply asking why. Which I do see that you just want to see why women choose this route for their children. But also keep in mind that women who choose bottle feeding do take a lot of heat for their choices no matter why they may have chose it (hence the intense sensitivity when asked why.) So, hopefully both sides can find a way to coexist in a friendly manner one day because being a mother is hard enough. Me, I don’t mind because I like to inform one way or the other. :)

Just had to post. I breastfed my no. 1&2 continously, well got preggy while still breastfeeding no.1 at 6mths. Have yet to totally wean 2 off breastfeeding and no.3 will be appearing in another 3 mths. Well for me, we decided that as to breastfeeding we will take it 1 step At a time. I may or maynot breastfedd no.3 coz the experience breastfeeding 1and 2 was terrible ( advocated it then but the emotional downs on feeding on demand was just too tough to cope with, I lasted then but can’t imagine doing it all over again.)

I was a breastfeeding advocate for my now one year old… I tried and tried so hard but absolutely could not produce enough milk for her. We would sit together for hours, both falling asleep, only to have her wake up an hour later, crying and still hungry. I kept on for almost 6 weeks, even tried the tea they claim will help… It did nothing. I pumped and never came close to even getting an ounce of milk. I felt like a massive failure when I finally gave into formula. I am honestly jealous of women who were able to continue. I did bond with my baby and I desperately missed it afterwards… Although I did not miss the toe curling pain at the nipple when she latched on. I don’t judge those who dont try. I suppose it’s because my mother bottle fed me and my sister without a thought… That was because no one ever encouraged it or talked about it or told the benefits to her. It was just assumed that bottle feeding was normal. I guess I understand both sides, but in the end, the baby is taken care of and fed. I don’t think people should judge and def should not be so harsh. People do what is best for them and their family.

I read on one comment ( don’t remember which, sorry), about the woman who breast fed because formula is so expensive. I just wanted to suggest looking to your state for help. They offer WIC here, although I don’t know if that’s a federal or state program and it pays for formula and other foods for baby, as well as some food while you are pregnant. Being a single mother, and a full time nursing student would’ve put me in that boat if my parents had not graciously chosen to help me financially. But I just thought that might help someone if breastfeeding is not what you want to do.

I don’t understand it either although I do my best not to judge. My first son never got the hang of it and we struggled and cried for 3 months before I dried up and just quit trying altogether. But this second time around I was so determined and my daughter is 8 almost 9 months and we are still going strong. I get it if you tried and it just plain doesn’t work, I’ve been there but I have to wonder if this woman has any support around her at all and that’s why she is deciding against even trying. I’m with you, it breaks my heart but its their choice however much I may disagree with them.

I breastfed.

I have friends who never wanted to try. For so many reasons. And honestly, I understand a lot if them. It screws with your hormones and it can make ppd worse. Breastfeeding means your partner can’t get up with the baby in the middle of the night – because even if they do you have to pump to replace supply. At least as a working mom, I 100% understand the fear of never having a break. That’s a powerful motivator – not getting fired for making mistakes because you’re exhausted.

But in any event, it’s their choice. Feminism is about having the right to choose what we do with our bodies. I’m fully in support of that.

I did not breastfeed. There is a reason, and it is not anyone’s business why. I am not going to post my reason on this public website for anyone to read. But, it was a valid reason, and had nothing to do with not wanting to ruin my breasts.

I have to say, I RESENT all women who breastfeed who say that they look down on women who do not. Regardless of the reason, we are all allowed to make our choices. The thing that irks me the most is when you say it’s for bonding. You still bond with a baby when you cradle him/her in your arms and hold a bottle to his or her mouth. In fact, possibly even more, since you are able to keep constant eye contact!

My daughter is now 3 years old, smart as a whip and healthy. She was bottle fed with Nestle Good Start Formula with DHA and ARA, and immune system boosters. I cannot imagine her being any smarter or healthier if I breastfed her, and she is a loving and empathetic girl.

Sometimes, breast isn’t best, and it’s nobody’s business but the mom and child involved in the decision.

It’s quite amazing how venemous many of the formula-feeding moms can be regarding this post! I think you really just wanted to understand and weren’t making any judgment! Now it’s hard NOT to judge! As for me, I am getting ready to have my first child in early August, and I fully intend to breastfeed. I can’t imagine a more nutritious bonding experience with my baby, not to mention the weight-loss benefits to myself. However, as a baby, I was NOT breastfed by my birth mother. I am not fully aware of the circumstances, but from what I have been told, it’s a miracle I was even carried to full term and with no birth defects. I believe there was drinking and/or drugs involved, partly because my conception was a very unwelcome surprise. Ultimately, she did not raise me and although she gave birth to me, I do not consider her my mother. So I guess that’s one reason not to breastfeed. I imagine women who choose to put up their babies for adoption do not breastfeed, either. Anyway, thanks for the great post! You know it’s good when you get a lot of feedback!

THANK YOU ANDREA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi! I’m going to try to be as tactful as possible in an effort to further the discussion and not come off in a way that is offensive. I hear what you’re saying in that you don’t understand why someone would choose not to breastfeed but there are so many reasons (including psychological reasons) why a woman may choose not to breastfeed. Sure, the example you bring up sounds a bit shallow, but it’s this kind of judgmental behavior that we as women and mothers should try to avoid when talking motherhood. It doesn’t help anyone, ever, and only serves to make some moms feel less than or not good enough. You never know why someone makes the choices they do… You should view the decision to breastfeed in the same way you view cloth diapering or co-sleeping because whether you intend to or not you sound judgmental and are making someone feel crappy about their choice.

I bottle fed my first child b/c I was younger and uncomfortable with breast feeding. I lived at home with my mom and her boyfriend. My second child was bottle fed because that’s what worked out easiest and that’s what was normal for me. I tried breast feeding with my 3rd son and that lasted about 2 weeks but he was spitting up all of the breast milk so I switched to formula. I also would like to understand something… why do they say breast milk is so much better? So many people have issues with it and I have 3 wonderfully healthy, smart, happy, bottle fed boys. If I have another child I will probably try to breast feed because it is cheaper and I don’t mind it, but I feel its a mothers choice and there isn’t a need for anyone to understand that choice but for the person that has to make it.

After reading a few more posts, I also wanted to add that breastfeeding is not a SOCIETAL pressure. It is a NATURAL function of our bodies, just like giving birth. Technically, it’s none of our business why another woman chooses not to breastfeed, but can we help but be curious? Especially when that same mother (especially the ones who say they don’t because it’s “GROSS”) will let a man impregnate her and then put her body through hell to have a baby? It’s human instinct to be curious about choices that differ from our own. Many posters have been alluding to feminism and our right to choose, but isn’t feminism also about understanding (and thus being able to support) one another? A self-righteous attitude will only shut down communication.

“Allow me to shed some light, I hope. My perspective is this. She isn’t beating her children, she isn’t starving her children, she’s giving them safe, well regulated baby formula. Get off your high horse. I hate this attitude of “you can make any decision you want as long as you don’t decide to formula feed before you’ve done every SINGLE thing that medical science can offer you to make you capable of breastfeeding.” Some people are just uncomfortable with it. And at the end of they day it is their decision. Get over it. I’m tired of reading stories on babble about how much better one thing is than another. Give us happy uplifting stories, or stories about cute clothes, or celebrities, or stories we can relate to about the perils and pitfalls of parenting. But quit with the holier than thou judging bullshit.”

WHAT SHE SAID.

I tried to breastfeed my first child,, but I was sexually abused as a young child and well it just felt dirty to me,, prolly because of the abuse,, I dont know. Just one more thing my biological father took from me!! I didnt try with my second child,, and with my third I pumped it into a bottle and mixed it with his formula,, figured it was better than nothing. Hope this gives you all some insight into why maybe some mothers dont.

@gwyn modern life is the culprit and many hide behind this fact.

and i have a 4 month old that is exclusively breastfed, and my titties are still hot and perky XD so i guess it depends on the body… i know women have choices and all, but if vanity is one of the deciding factors of denying a child nutrition, motherhood def. isnt the best idea…

@Nichole, with comments like “I want to understand why anyone would deny their baby the best gift that they could give to them, even if for only six weeks. Even if for only those first few days after birth,” I’m not surprised that mothers that have not breastfed are offended by your post. That is one of the most condescending remarks I have ever read. Your statement is like saying I ripped a million dollars away from my child at birth. Do you know for fact that from each and every mother it is the best gift? No you do not, so you can’t make a statement like that.

I posted a response to this on my blog – I had too much to say

http://www.hooeycritic.com/imported-20110529002934/2011/5/31/enough-with-the-debate-already.html

I know she’s TRYING to come off nonjudgemental but she sounds very righteous.
I want to know why some women DO breastfeed and turn around and work 50-hour work weeks, BY CHOICE. Are you ruining your “bond”? They entrust perfect strangers to raise their children… I have many friends that CHOOSE this and that is THEIR CHOICE. I do not judge.
It’s not my business, so long as their kids are healthy and happy and that’s all that matters.
My issue with the author is her line “the ONE parenting choice I just can’t understand”. Really? Your concern needs to be realigned.
The way children act these days?? THe problem here isn’t the parenting choice with breastfeeding, it’s what comes later…..
Your concern DEFINITELY needs to be realigned.

i totally agree. i’m a young mom, 26 and i know other mothers my age who were like IM SO NOT NURSING, ITS WEIRD!! i think that having that kind of reaction to the most healthy thing for your child, IS WHATS WEIRD.

All that matters is that babies are fed. Period. Both breast milk and formula are nutritionally sound things for babies. Period. Just focus on making sure your kid is fed. Period.

After actually reading through all of the comments, I decided to weigh in. I did give breastfeeding a try with both of my kids. I hated every minute of actual breastfeeding. It took my son so long to nurse and my son was nursing so frequently combined with the fact that it takes me at least 20 minutes to fall completely asleep no matter how exhausted I am meant that I gave up in tears from exhaustion when he was 10 days old. I didn’t have a pump because I wasn’t sure how long I would breastfeed and didn’t want to spend the money unless I was sure. Fast forward 7 years and I’m pregnant with my daughter. I made the decision before I had her that I was going to only breastfeed until my milk came in, and then I was going to pump exclusively. A friend gave me her pump and I just bought a new hygeinikit. When my daughter was born she wouldn’t latch on anyway, so I started pumping from day one and never looked back. We did supplement with formula as necessary and I never got up in the middle of the night just to pump, only if it was my turn to get up with her anyway. I pumped until she was 10 weeks old, although, once I went back to work at 6 weeks, I was only pumping 2-3 times a day. While I didn’t mind pumping at all, I am considereing going straight to formula if I have a third for one main reason. When not pregnant or breastfeeding my bra size is a 42 D/DD depending on the brand. At the end of my pregnancy and while I was breastfeeding, it was a 44 F. When I started taking my dance class again to get back in shape at 6 weeks, my breasts were just too big to comfortably exercise. It is impossible to find a bra that is supportive enough for exercise in that large of a size. I couldn’t do the jumps full-out and my back was starting to hurt from the extra weight on the top. My daughter is now 5 months old and I’m still not completely dried up even though I stopped pumping 2 1/2 months ago. I do think this post was about creating a dialogue, not judging people. The comments however, have become very judgemental. Let’s stick to the civil dialogue and stop putting other moms down people.

Nichole, Allow me to respond to your response to my original comment. I should have made my original comment clearer, in my initial irritation over the post and my hurry to get my thoughts down before they flew out of my head I did not take sufficient time to clarify which comments were directed at you, the writer of the post, and which were directed at Babble as a community. Specifically, while I understand that you were curious, some of the tone of your post struck me as being judgy, thus my high horse comment. It is admittedly difficult to judge tone over the internet, so the onus of understanding should fall equally on both the reader and the writer to take care to discern the tone and intention of the words used. I have read quite a bit of your previous posts here, as I’m a regular reader of Babble Blogs. Typically I find you entertaining and informative, but the breast v. formula debate upsets me like nothing else. I would applaud your intention to understand, but ask that you take more care in how you word it. My comment about cute babies, celebrities, etc was really directed at babble as a publisher than you as an individual, so i guess we are both guilty of not being careful enough in how we say what we want to say. Thanks. Keep up the good work!

I iunderstand how amazing breastfeeding is for the mother & baby but I don’t like women who walk around boasting how great it is & thinking that everyone should do it. Maybe the woman is on a medicine that she could not be off of & it can have effects on the baby if she breastfeeds? Maybe the woman has body issues because she was physically abused or molested? I think it’s a very sensitive subject & whatever decision a mother decides to make is their choice & they shouldn’t feel bad or be put down because of it. What about the women who don’t produce milk or the baby that just won’t latch? It really is nobody’s business but the mother’s (and their spouse). Formula that is out there now is much better &closer to breastmilk than 20+ years ago. People need to stay out of other people’s business. You don’t know why they have chosen the route they have.

I was about to comment, but I think Kate really said it best. I think you probably mean well here, Nichole, but it did come off as being extremely judgmental and offensive. Perhaps leaving out that bit about “I want to understand why anyone would deny their baby the best gift that they could give to them, even if for only six weeks…” would have helped. The best gift I gave my daughter was life, followed closely (and immediately) by my unconditional love and support. Breast milk is food, nothing more, nothing less. And guess what? I feed my baby food too! And I do it in the manner that, after careful consideration, I decided would work best for me, my daughter, and our family. Don’t like my decision? No problem – make a different one for yourself. But save your judgment and condemnation for matters of *real* importance (abuse and neglect come to mind) – there are enough of those to go around.

I have to admit that I am a bit baffled by her choice of words, too. I tried to breast-feed our son, but my milk never fully came in. Pair it with his severe case of jaundice and formula supplementation, and it just didn’t work out for us. HOWEVER, I did continue to try. For almost three weeks, we tried to give him as much breast milk as we could. We’re in the process of TTC a second child, and this question has already come to mind. I will try again. Even if we don’t have any luck, I’m at least going to put in the effort.

I understand what you were getting at, Nichole, and I do agree with you. I don’t care if a mom BFs or FFs, but I do wonder why some people don’t even try. I wouldn’t say anything, but I do wonder.
I BF my first for 6 weeks, then stopped due to medical reasons. I regretted every day I didn’t BF. I’m still BFing my second at 9 months. My conclusion? FFing is wicked hard, and I have no idea why any one would want to do it by choice, lol. That said, the BF infant has been sick more than the FF infant, and has a laundry list of allergies. I think food is food, but the experience of BFing is incredible after that hard first month.

I’m pregnant and will certainly try to breast feed, but I really don’t think we should be judging other women’s choices about whether they do or not. Their body, their business. I know a busy body woman who is super pro breastfeeding. She harassed my co-worker demanding to know why she wasn’t considering breast feeding. Finally, my co-worker told her that she has epilepsy and her neurologist told her not to because the medicine would be delivered to the baby through breast milk. She still refused to shut up about it. She told my friend she should get a second opinion. I think when it comes to something so personal, we should stop being judgmental and mind our own business.

@corey:

“If your too selfish to do what is in the babies best interest or at least give it a good try then maybe you should not have kids till you grow up.”

Wow, seriously?

But, then, apparently you are the expert on what is in the best interest of someone else’s baby…

I would suggest that what you can’t understand should be the difficult time American women have getting paid maternity leave on a par with other Western countries and affordable health care.

That said, I really couldn’t care less what other women choose. #1 rule: Feed the baby. That’s it.

I agree with you. I just don’t understand why anyone would CHOOSE to formula-feed.

I have read some very passionate and insightful comments and I just want to say:
This should NOT be about which choice is better and who is selfish for not trying. It should be about moms and dads raising families the best way they can, and sometimes that means formula and sometimes its breastfeeding. Either way moms all over the world should be able to feel supported and not condemned for their parenting choices. My parents made many horrible choices when me and my siblings were growing up, but I take into account circumstances, stress, inexperience, and of course PERSONAL CHOICE!!! It shouldnt be a competition over who is a better mom but a group of women that turn to one another for support and encouragement. I can see the post was intended to pose a question and invite discussion, however Nichole, some of the wording is a bit judgemental and OPINIONATED. Why would moms make this choice? the reasons are endless and who are we to say if another moms choice is valid? do we raise her kids? buy her formula? etc.? NO! so back off and try to be more understanding. Oh and by the way formula is expensive but the WIC program serves low income families and ALSO middle class households. Just because you cant get on welfare doesnt mean you cant get WIC its worth a shot!

Moms and mothers-to-be: Apparently you haven’t gotten the latest “How to be the BEST MOTHER EVER” Memo….for a recap, please see below:

-Epidurals: Evil. If you have one you are not considered a true woman. You really should think about trying harder, no matter that you are exhausted and can no longer tolerate the pain. You really should have done more prenatal yoga and you would have been fine.

-C-Sections. Again, mom’s let’s try a little harder. No matter that Junior is in breech, you could push him out if you weren’t so focused on your own comfort level. Also, if you do breakdown and choose (because, as we all know, everyone gets to choose!) a C-section, you didn’t really birth your child. Unless he or she exits from your nether region, you didn’t give birth to anything. Instead you just had surgery.

-Breastfeeding: Please remember, much like the birthing process, your feelings do not count. If you do not breastfeed, you are a horrible, callous robot who never should have gotten pregnant in the first place. It doesn’t matter if you need to take medication, can’t produce enough milk or were abused and not comfortable with such methods of feeding, You must do it. Otherwise, you should probably have your child taken away. Using formula is up there with beating your children or sending them to space camp. Both situations lead to total failure and shame for both you and your children. Also note that you will be ostracized and criticized by many people. Especially people that blog about breastfeeding, because they are on the internet and clearly right about everything! Please also remember that by using formula you automatically have to forfeit your ‘member of the human race’ card and will be disqualified for life for entrance into the “I am a good mom” category. You should probably just be destroyed and your remains fed to wolves.

Co-Sleeping: If you bought a crib, you too should probably be fed to wolves. Studies have proven that unless your child shares a bed with you until age 12, he or she will most likely end up a serial killer. The FDA stands behind this claim.

Disposable Diapers: In addition to being an enemy of a greener planet, you again rank as a horrible human being. Never mind that you work 12 hour days to put food on your table, you should MAKE time to wash those cloth diapers by hand. You can sleep when you are dead!

Choosing to go back to work: Does not compute. Every female that gives birth should stay at home. In fact, that is probably a law somewhere. Again, no matter that you have bills to pay, mouths to feed or perhaps just want to use your college degree, Going back to work just proves what a worthless, selfish person you are!

In summary…Once you have a child, you are no longer allowed to be an individual, have any happiness independently of your child, or have a life in general. Doing so would be SELFISH. You should probably have a lobotomy as well. Babble will be sending you your pre-programmed brain shortly via Fed Ex. Please be sure to read the instructions carefully as failure to install correctly will result in a horrible, unhappy life and children that are sickly, stupid and unproductive members of society (Research says so!).

Good Luck!

funny but a little inappropriately timed dont u think?

I had a very tough birth experience (HELLP syndrome and kidney issues led to an induction, 21 hour labor, and an emergency c-section) and tried for a few days to breastfeed, but I just did not have the physical or emotional strength it took to continue to try with my son when he had trouble latching. Would it have eventually worked if I had been persistent and gotten a lactation consultant or something? Probably. But instead, I exclusively pumped for two months and then moved on to formula. If I have another child, I don’t know whether I will try to breastfeed or not. I have a fantastic bond with my almost one year old son, and I didn’t need to breastfeed to get it. Also, I don’t buy into the idea that breastmilk is some kind if magical substance that will make a breastfed child that much smarter, healthier, happier, etc. than a child who was fed formula. Frankly, I have a hard time understanding women who go back to work full-time only a few weeks or months after their baby is born when they don’t have to financially, but that’s just me. We all have our parenting issues we feel strongly about for ourselves. I’m not going to go around calling women who make different choices than I do selfish, though.

I breastfed my first child and pumped every 3 hours after returning to work so he could have exclusive breastmilk. I also had severe PPD and delayed switching to a more effective medicine because it was not tested or considered safe for breastfeeding. Zoloft was “safe” for breastfeeding, but it did not work on my symptoms. Ultimately, I did not recover until I stopped breastfeeding and switched medicines. In fact, the societal pressure to breastfeed delayed my getting better from PPD. I felt that it was more important for me to give what breastfeeding advocates sometimes call “liquid gold” to my baby than it was for me to be happy.

With my second baby, I struggled with the decision to breastfeed vs. taking an effective medicine. Medicines like Zoloft that are safe for breastfeeding work for many moms with PPD, but hey don’t work for me I didn’t want to face all the judgment from people like you if I didn’t breastfeed. Finally, I decided my mental health was more important than breastfeeding. If PPD prevents me from being healthy and from bonding with my baby, I will opt to be healthy and bond with my baby over breastfeeding.

You would probably say, “but I wouldn’t judge you for having PPD and not breastfeeding.” But you just judged women who don’t even try to breastfeed. And I shouldn’t have to tell you that the reason I didn’t try is because I have PPD and needed medicine. That’s my private business, and I don’t want to share that with people. So if you asked me why, I might say, “oh breastfeeding doesn’t work for us” or “I didn’t want to start since I was going back to work so soon” or “I wanted my husband to be able to help with the night feedings.” So you would judge me then, but you wouldn’t know the real truth. So I beg all of the breastfeeding advocates to read this, remember that you don’t know everything. Don’t judge bottlefeeding moms as you do not truly know or understand our reasons.

In my experience, people will judge every decision you make regarding your child. I was unable to BF because I have to take anti-seizure medication. On some level I was relieved, if only that my husband could share night feeding duties. I also thought, however, about the state of my breasts and the drain in would take on my back-to-work time. I didn’t have a choice, but I don’t begrudge those who decide not to bf, even if physically able. I had people thinking I was a bad mother for being induced when it was the best thing for the health of my child – you can’t win!

Here is why I don’t understand why women don’t try to BF. Breastmilk is healthier for a baby than formula. The research is clear, and even formula companies admit this. Imagine you were offered two brands of formula. One feeds the baby. The other is known to increase asthma, obesity, doctor visits, digestive problems, and on average results in an IQ score 10 points less. Who would choose the second? Those of us who chose the first understand there are complications that result in mothers not BFing. Many of us are baffled at those who wouldn’t try because “formula is just as good.” (Telling me your child is smart is not data.)

Wow, I see that Andrea couldn’t shed some light here, since she has not been able to get over temper tantrums herself. The author is not judging, she is asking help to understand. Honestly, I would like to hear the other side, a mom that does not want to breastfeed, just because.

Actually, I don’t think everyone has turned out fine. I’m a teacher. The amount of obesity and asthma i see every day shocking.

As a nutritionist, I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding. Its really the only thing related to our child’s health that we can control. Breastmilk is best not only because it caters to the baby’s every nutritional need, but because it prevents the introduction of formula (called “artificial food” in research studies), which causes problems that don’t occur with the same frequency in breastfed infants.

This is not the opinion of someone on a “high horse.” Its science. Would you smoke around your baby knowing that it increased risk of health problems? Probably not. So why would you choose to increase your baby’s risk of health problems via formula feeding, if you didn’t have to? Its true that breastfeeding can be demanding, time consuming, painful, and inconvenient. But I don’t think any of us choose to have kids because its going to make our lifestyles easier and more convenient.

Here’s one reason- we thought it was as important as nutrition that both parents had an absolutely equal hand in parenting and nurturing.
Here’s another- I had total anxiety attacks while pregnant about nursing.

So, there are two.

@Tracy–not trying to be dense, I really don’t know what you mean. People in this country have a lot if health problems. More breastfeeding would help that.
@Meme– formula feeding is absolutely connected with asthma and obesity. Google it. There are a ton of studies out there. It was my #1 reason to BF.

It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t breastfeed before I had my daughter. But even after working with two lactation consultants, using nipple shields, and having her tongue tie repaired, she was never once able to latch. (I later found out that my mother had tried to nurse three of us and my grandmother had attempted to nurse at least two of hers; none of the kids were ever able to latch). I pumped for about six weeks but I never did manage more than about two ounces a pumping session; a nasty infection with a high fever seemed to wipe out what little supply I’d established. Life got much easier after we switched to formula 100%.

We’re done with kids but I probably wouldn’t make more than a cursory attempt at nursing a second given what I’d guess are low odds of success balanced against pretty amorphous benefits.

LANI, and ANDREA, thank you!!! I am SO sick of these women trying to make us all feel badly. Well put, ladies!! You have an A in MY book!

the fact that formula feed babies may have higher rates of asthma and obesity does not mean the formula causes those things or that breastmilk prevents them. it’s not that simple.

Please PROVE to me that “breastfeeding is best for baby.” I know it’s a statement that gets thrown around a lot. But please show me the studies where there was a group of babies fed breastmilk vs a control group of otherwise perfectly equal babies that were fed formula. Please show me the results of these many studies.

Oh that’s right — they don’t exist. Because is unethical to conduct experiments on babies.

So all this “breast is best” is just speculation. Please stop treating it as fact.

Serial posting, sorry.

When we don’t understand something, we should try to explore and learn more about it. (Except melon. Yuck.)

I would love to read a column in which someone who “doesn’t get” why someone would choose not to breastfeed interviewed a bunch of mothers who had made that choice.

I am one of those women that never GOT TO breastfeed. We had problems with latching and baby falling deep asleep as soon as he took the nipple. my milk supply dwindled for 2-3 months until finally went away. I lost my battle and was completely heart broken. I am still trying not to cry thinking about it. All I remember is crying historically every day for the fist week because I could not breastfeed. I felt like such a failure as a mother. I did talk to many women who had the same problem and I finally made my peace with having to supplement with formula. I am proud to say that for 3 months I stayed up night and days pumping breastmilk just to my son can have it one way or another. Even though I didn’t get to have that connection, I do feel better that my son got some breastmilk, even if it was half the daily feeding and only for 12 weeks. I am still heartbroken and hoping that i will be able to breastfeed my next child.

I have three (healthy) children and I didn’t breastfeed any of them. I didn’t want to. No need to make excuses. I don’t judge others for wanting to breastfeed and therefore I expect them not to judge me.

It’s that simple.

I breast fed my child for almost a year. I enjoyed the bonding, but this did not make her “more healthy” then children who were not breast fed. They tell you your child will have better immunity/fewer allergies. I have not found this to be true at all from interacting with other moms both who did and did not. My own child had few colds, but has many allergies. Like so many women today, I felt pressured to breast feed by judgmental people like this author. It’s not easy for everyone to breast feed in public (i.e. if you have big boobs or are just modest). I was isolating for me. A happy mom is a better mom. Plus, it did ruin my boobs which still saddens me today 5 years later. In the end, I got too many infections to continue – but I wish that there had been less pressure. I would have stopped sooner.

Don’t make mothers feel bad if they don’t want to breast feed. Not wanting to do it is enough. Just worry about yourself.

The best piece of advice was from a long time friend who told me if I can’t breast feed there are other ways of feeding your baby. I was lucky enough to be able to nurse. I was nervous with my second one, but after having a nurse help me I got into the rhythm. I did enjoy it, my husband would get up early in the morning to go to work so I always felt it wasn’t a big thing of getting up with the either baby. I think most of the how shall I say it angry woman who feel they are being judged are missing the point. She was curious, curious why you choose not to, not to without trying. For me I always breast fed my babies in private as I would not normally expose myself. I wasn’t working so the saving money by not buying formula was huge for us. I also really really enjoyed not having my period for the entire time I nursed. I always had really heavy periods so not having oit while I was pregnant and then added another year ontop of that was well really good for me!

I’ve done my share of research and was strongly convinced that every woman who is a woman has the ability to breatfeed and the confidence that I could as well. Why would our God create a spoutless teapot or a dried brooke? My boss told me one day she was proud and slightly jealous of me for choosing and being able to breastfeed. She had extreme difficulty producing milk. she went on telling me how she sat through an entire hour and a half movie in her livingroom pumping for milk and only bottled less than an ounce (her daughter was around three months old). it could have been that she should have focused on her baby and not the movie to better lactate or maybe her body knew her baby didn’t need as much milk as she wanted to produce. Whatever the case, I feel for her. I breastfeed my 7 month old and know I’m ultimately doing his future a great deal of good! but as for the girls who won’t even try, I shake my head and title them “immature”.

I was barely 20 when I had my son, and I was a die-hard breastfeeder. In fact, it had never occured to me that someone wouldn’t breastfeed. There was a girl in my maternity ward, same age as me, saw me breastfeeding and said “Doesn’t it feel gross?” I said no, it was wonderful. SHe replied with, well, you are crazy, I’m not ruingin my boods, and I just spent 9 months not drinking, and I can’t wait anymore.

WOW.

It wasn’t that she thought it was weird (in today’s society, maybe it does seem weird) it was that one of her primary reasons for not nursing was ALCOHOL that got me.

There are many good reasons not to breastfeed so I don’t want to enter into that element of the debate, although being grossed out by it sounds like something an eleven year old might say so methinks those people are disguising their real reason.

However, with regard to the asthma/obesity comments, there is no debate. Here’s a link to the US Surgeon General’s fact sheet. It’s all there in black and white:

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/topics/breastfeeding/factsheet.html

Make your own decision, of course, but make it an educated one.

I had to throw in my 2 cents here….I have read a lot of these posts and there is a ton of misinformation!!! First of all, breastfeeding actually combats PPD..It releases prolactin, which calms the mother while breastfeeding, it also helps with the bonding process..As far as looking into your child’s eyes, if you had any experience with breastfeeding you would know that you pretty much have to look into your child’s eyes when breastfeeding. In fact, my daughter would get upset when I looked away from her, she would take her hand and move my head if I looked away.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I attended a class on breastfeeding and I realized that there are many people out there who don’t do any research and believe the myths that they hear regarding breastfeeding..(one woman’s husband actually asked the lactation consultant which was the best formula to buy!) And there are others who overthink it and stress about it so much that they cause it to be difficult. If these mothers attended a few LLL meetings or at least read The Womanly Art Of Breastfeeding, they would dispel these myths and feel more comfortable with their bodies. As far as feminism goes, what is more empowering than feeding your child from your own body?????

My neighbor didn’t breastfeed her son because she had IVF with a donor egg, her fertility issues prevented her from breastfeeding, but she also chose not to try even before he was born. I never asked her why, because I feel it is a deeply personal decision. If I had to guess, I would say there was a major ick factor involved. Many women just are not comfortable with their bodies.

Breastfeeding your child is a major commitment. Believe me, I know. I never had any problems, but I still found it difficult to give up my body for so long…I just weaned my child at 20 months, and while I am sad about it, the prevailing feeling is one of relief. While I agree totally that every woman should at least try to breastfeed if they can, I will do my best not to judge them for making the decision to formula feed…Oh, and by the way, formula is NOT the same as breastmilk.

My body was unable to for one and the other was allergic. It broke my heart because I wanted to so bad. But I would here comments about good moms, it is best, … mean while it made me feel unworthy, unfit, and unhappy. It is true about the benifits but it is such a personal matter that it should not be up for debate. I believe if the matter would have been dropped so would my unhappiness i went threw. Both times the choose was taken from me. There are lots of women like me but for different reasons. We need to lift others up and let them make the right choice for themself. It is not a perfect world, so we should not exspect the best idea or means to conform to everyone. We can only hope that almost everyone do to what they know is the best thing for them. Hopefull they will be right.

I sincerely recognize any choice to not breastfeed to be a crime against humanity. Thats correct. I do not recognize it as anything less. The exact reason I recognize it as such is simple. There are many different kinds of animals on this planet. All animals(okay most) have mothers. There are many different kinds of mothers in the animal world. One type of mother is a very special one here one earth. Many humans observe them to be the most nurturing mothers of the entire animal kingdom. These very special mothers are Mammals. Mammal mothers raise their young differently than non-mammals. Mammal mothers feed their young differently than non-mammals. Mammals unlike non-mammals have breasts to nurse their young. Mammal babies need their Mammal mothers to nurse them, and the mothers do. That is why Mammals are different. That is why mammals are special. They nurse their young from the second they latch on at birth. They pass on nutrients, warmth, heartbeat, breathing tempo, voice vibrations, energy, genetic information, brain chemicals and many other things to their young through breastfeeding. That is the only way a Mammal can exist. I realize many people may be shocked at this very next sentence…but. Humans are Mammals. Thats correct, humans are mammals too. We humans breastfeed to exist. A mammal mother denying their young natural, un-pumped, in-person breastfeeding is gut wrenching. A mammal mother feeding her young any other way is gut wrenching. A mammal mother feeding her young “formula” I can only recognize as a crime. Anything fed to mammal young besides the actual mothers in-person nursing I can only recognize as poison, and catastrophic for the young mammal. I can only recognize compelling evidence that full development cannot scientifically-possibly occur in any mammal young without mammal nursing. It would not be a mammal. I suspect modern humans are “out of tune”, “un-balanced”, “disconnected”, “detached” from, reality, mammal hood, motherhood, human hood, nature, the universe, and what they truly are. I suspect it may be a huge catastrophe. Many humans may be completely lost. My gut wrenches for the young, and I’d very much like to type that again. My gut wrenches for any mammal on this earth that does not receive in-person nursing from the mammal that birthed them. The fist thing every mammal does in life is latch on. Thats what makes mammals special. It’s terrible that a mammal could possibly be offended by this. I’m utterly perplexed. I suspect they’re detached. I cannot recognize it any other way. I apologize for offending mammals about this.I mean absolutely no hostility with these words and should be read in a calm friendly tone because thats how I felt saying this. Theres nothing I can do about what and how I recognize. I apologize for recognizing thing as I do. I encourage comments, please.

A lot of younger women think breastfeeding is gross and horrid since breasts are sexual things only. I have a friend(she just turned 21) and she has a 1yr old girl. She never breastfed, not even for one day. She tried-once- and the baby didn’t instantly latch so she gave up.

This 1yr old baby barely babbles and has trouble CRAWLING.

So, maybe it’s just that the only formula feeder I know is also the worst mother I know but it seems selfish not to breastfeed. It seems like your denying your child the best start in life for purely ‘convient’ reasons.

Anita, you are very brave and honest for admitting that made your decision based solely on the best interests of you, your husband and your job, in place of solely basing your decision on the best interests of your newborn mammal, and what mammal mothers are required to do as a mammal mother for your young, bound by the laws of nature. Its a tragedy, that no matter how much joy, love, and bonding your husband received, no matter how much relief you received by not feeling selfish, no matter how much you were able to rest when you didn’t feel well, no matter how many more meetings you were able to attend, no matter how healthy your children are, it can never make up for, replace, or redo that duration of time when your developing infant mammal was deprived of suckling and nursing from his/her mammalian birth mother. That must have been excruciatingly painful inside for that poor young mammal, to just keep waiting and going without while his/her mammalian body starts to respond and adapt, and may have naturally triggered hormones within the infant due to no nursing most likely signifying the death of the mammalian mother or abandonment. I agree that whats best for anyone or anything other than the infant is hogwash. Congratulations again on your bravery and honest.

I am pregnant with my first child and don’t plan to breastfeed. Why? It is really none of your business. I am not against breastfeeding and feel to do it or not to do it for whatever reason is a mother’s choice. I am so sick of breastfeeding mothers acting like they are war heros and mothers who don’t are child abusers. If you want to nurse that is great, good for you. You made the choice for yourself, other mothers have that same right and just because they may do something different doesn’t give you the right to criticize them.

My mother is a pediatric nurse. Of course she supports breastfeeding if that is what the mother wants; however she says there is some incorrect info out there. You can make a study show anything you want it to and some of the claims of breastfeeding are so false and funny. Breastmilk is not the cure all that self-righteous advocates claim it to be. Formula has improved drastically in recent years and is very close to breastmilk. Also it provides needed iron that breastmilk does not. Many exclusively breastfeed babies are more prone to allergies, because they are not exposed to a variety of other forms of nutrition. And the data that suggests extended breastfeeding is not the American Academy of Pediatrics, it is from the World Health Organization (which is primarily poverty stricken countries, not the United States, with little other means of nutrition).

I have a friend that breastfeed her son until he was 4 years old. He was constantly sick and is allergic to more things than I can count. And yet her sisters did not breastfeed and their kids were the picture of health and actually they are smarter and more well adjusted than the breastfed one. The truth is the breastmilk or the formula didn’t make any of the babies have problems or not have problems. I don’t believe the hype that breastfed babies are smarter and healthier and happier, etc. Among my friends and family that is not the case. I don’t think how you feed your kid has anything to do with it. There are other factors to consider.

As far as bonding, having a baby eat from your boob is not the only way to do that. Holding and rocking that precious bundle of joy is priceless. Even looking into their little eyes while you give them a bottle is a wonderful feeling. I don’t believe whether you give them a boob or a bottle makes you any more or less connected and bonded. Besides, I want the baby’s Daddy, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles to be able to share that experience.

So Mommies make the choice that is right for you whether it be bottle or breast. It doesn’t mean you are a better or worse mother or that you love your baby more or less. You make the decision for YOU, not ANYONE else. And if they choose differently than you, you have no right to judge or act superior.

Lauren, you have every right to make your own choice, but please make it an *educated* one. “Breastfeeding Made Simple” is a terrific place to start that education: http://www.amazon.com/Breastfeeding-Made-Simple-Natural-Nursing/dp/1572244046

You have stated that the WHO is “primarily poverty stricken countries” and that is simply incorrect. The WHO is a branch of the United Nations (headquarters in New York City) which commissions, collects and analyzes data from all over the world, hence the name *World* Health Organization.

You have also stated that the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t recommend extended breastfeeding when, in fact, it does. I call your attention to the AAP’s own Policy on Breastfeeding: http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;115/2/496#SEC6
In particular, please read the section where it explicitly states: “Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother.”

I again call attention to the US Surgeon General’s fact sheet on breastfeeding:
http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/topics/breastfeeding/factsheet.html

Ask yourself why these government bodies would go so far as to analyze hundreds (thousands?) of studies and look at longitudinal health outcomes for breastfed babies. Is there a cash-rich lobby group pressuring them to do so? No. The only group with a profit-making interest in this ‘debate’ is the formula-manufacturing industry. There’s no conspiracy here.

Science is conducted by analyzing *huge* samples of the population to reach generalizable conclusions. It is not “my mom says” or “my friend’s child was breastfed and he has allergies.” That’s anecdotal evidence and statistically irrelevant. For the vast majority of babies, breastfeeding is the best option. Their digestive systems, immune systems and and brains are hardwired to expect it. While it’s true that breastfeeding is not for all women, it is in fact for all babies (extreme circumstance excepted).

You have your reasons for deciding not to breastfeed. I respect that you have the right to make that choice and that your reasons are none of my business. What I cannot respect is using lies to justify that choice. One wonders why so many find it necessary.

I wish you nothing but good luck and happiness in the amazing journey you are soon to begin. It is tranformative.

My mother breastfed all four of her children, we didnt have any allergies nor were sick………… It was her choice. I now have 3 kids all of them different and I have tried breastfeeding it was horrible for me and it didnt feel natural and great, it was painful and not a great experience! So I choose not to with my last 2 children. And I was VERY happy with my choice not to. Its not for everyone and NO one should pass judgement on anyone for their choice. Honestly a womens lifestyle is not always fitting for breastfeeding and vice versa!

I tried to breast feed, adn couldnt, my milk never came in. not like everyone said it would, i could squeeze them and massag ethem and get one little squirt out of ONE breast (the other never got anything out of) and that was it.

If someone really thinks breastfeeding is “icky” then they are obviously too immature to be having a child in the first place.

I didn’t breast feed my baby. I did have the intent to though. i went to breast feeding classes while i was pregnant, bought a breast pump (so i could go back to work) and did everything in my power to breast feed my son. I tried to breast feed, he didnt take to it. I kept trying for two days i even had the nurses trying. but he just wouldnt have it. So i fed him formula.

I am a mother who chose not to breastfeed. Why? I don’t know if I could rightly tell you. I grew up with it all around me. The oldest of 8 children, my mother never had a bottle in the house. My friend’s mothers all did it, too. It is what I knew and saw. But when I had my first child 15 years ago, the thought of me breastfeeding put absolute panic in to me. My in-laws were on the rampage–every encounter during my pregnancy was an lobbying effort to change my mind–I got every statistic there was. And for every good reason they gave me, I saw the exact opposite in their own immediate family. Comments that also didn’t help were things like when my sister-in-law would excuse herself to go breastfeed her child and they would say “time to milk the cow.” This came across to me as insulting and belittling-not helpful to someone who is struggling. My son–now 15–is a bright, well-adjusted, healthy, loving young man. He’s pulling straight As in AP & honors courses, he had fewer trips to the doctor than most other children I know, he plays football, runs track, plays the piano, attends church, and hugs me everytime he leaves the house (how many other 15 year olds do you know always hug their mom goodbye?). Now, 15 years later, I had my second baby. I am not breastfeeding this child either. During my pregnancy, I would cry to my husband that something was wrong with me–why was breastfeeding so repulsive to me (and it has nothing to do with “ruining” my body in some way)? My 4 month old baby is very happy, growing right along schedule and is over all doing great. Do I believe breastfeeding is best? Yes. But I also believe that formula is a very close 2nd. There are many things that others do that I don’t understand–and because I have chosen a route that you might not understand does not make me a bad person. If you lined up my 15 year old with other kids, there is NOTHING that would give any indication he had not been breastfed. I can testify that there is still incredible bonding that happens between a bottlefed baby and a mother. And if you saw me with my 4 month old daughter, you would attest to that as well. Please don’t be so quick to judge.

I did not breastfeed because I got pregnant at 18, and I was scared to death of how I was going to be a good single mom, work 40 hours a week (like I did), and go to college full time (like I did). I was also freaked out by the thought of it since I was honestly a teenager, not yet understanding what being a mother was. It would have literally been impossible anyway. I have a college degree, and a great job now. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY – I have one of the healthiest kids ever. She has only been to well visits since she was 3, and she is now 7. She is tall for her age, and lean. I understand that everyone says breastfeeding is always best, but what I don’t understand is how everyone is so astounded by someone not breast feeding.

Let me start by saying that I am also a firm believer in tolerance and acceptance being the best policies in any situation in our lives, but especially when it comes to parenting. It is our right as humans to choose to do as we please, hope we are making the best choice, and pay the consequences if we don’t. It is also our right to be curious about how and why things are done differently. And now with the access to loads of information through internet, magazines, medical journals etc, we have the ability to research any doubts or questions we may have and find concrete evidence that supports any side of the vast realm of possibile “answers.” In my mind, that says something VERY obvious- What is the best choice for some may not be the best choice for another. I do believe that the original article was written in search of finding a better personal understanding for the person who wrote it, and yes, probably could’ve been written a tad more compassionately toward FF mothers if the one comment about not trying to BF being selfish was left out. All this being said I tried BF my son for 3 strenous, exhausting, hellish months. Crying, Biting, Flailing, Choking on the milk…with nipple sheild, w/o nipple shields, chapping, toe currling, pumping, bottles, spooning, formula supplementing (which he also hated) Dada trying, Grammie trying etc, etc, And then one magical day he just latched on and did it!! 3 months it took, and finally success…and guess what…maternity leave was over, so back to work. Pumped for 3 more months (way more painful than BF) with gradual decrease in supply until I dried up. Switched to just formula (washing/warming bottles sucks!! Especially at 3am) for the last 6 months until cow’s milk was okay. So when little sister came along 2 years later I thought I must be crazy for wanting to try again, but as soon as she came out she latched right on and was an easy BF baby for 13 or 14 months until weened. Having had the huge difference between the two I can honestly say I understand the choice either way. BF or FF, whatever gets the baby fed with the least amount of stress as possible on EVERYone concerned. I see pros and cons to either choice. And like I said what is the right choice for one may not be the right choice for the other. One last little bit of info for any mother researching her options- In my case (and I do not try to pretend that every baby or mother is the same) I did have a closer bond while BF my children, and there is no way to explain in what way other than when I BF them they were more peaceful than when they drank from a bottle. I’m not saying you shouldn’t bottle feed (My daughter refused to after 1 month and my husband REALLY missed being able to form his bond-which is of course formed anyways) I’m just saying that in my case my children seemed more content when BF. Hope this helps the author of the article understand why someone may choose to NEVER try and if you are not able to understand, at least be accepting of it, because lets face it…we don’t get to make anyones decisions but our own.

The truth about the bond between mother and child during breastfeeding:

I learned this in a lactation consultant seminar: The bond isn’t made by breastfeeding. You could achieve the same bond by formula feeding your baby. If you hold your baby in a craddle position, and feed him skin to skin as breastfeeding would be done, you can get the same bond. The bond isn’t made because of breastfeeding, it’s because the baby get’s to feel mom’s skin and is being held by mom for 20 minutes every couple hours. The same theory is applied when premature babies are taken out of the isolette, and lay on mom’s bare chest to begin the bonding. The bond comes from being natural(naked) with mom like the baby was in the womb.

That’s the truth about the bond.

Formula will never replace breastmilk, not nutritionally, not replacing the bond that it gives you.-Amanda

It actually does a great job of matching breastmilk nutrition wise. The only thing formula doesn’t do is protect against certain early diseases and breastmilk doesn’t always do that.

Breastfeeding. It’s a choice much like if I want to home school my child or what values I choose to teach them. While breastfeeding is much has many benefits some women just can’t wrap their minds around it…for whatever reason. It may be rewarding, it may make you bond with your child but its a very personal decision. Many children have grown up happy and healthy on forumula and I think that if I choose not to breastfeed I shouldn’t have to answer to anyone or “try and make them understand.” If you breastfeed and love it, great but please…mind your own business.

I did not get a choice to breastfeed, I had low iron and had to formula feed. My son thrived and I held him at my breast while I fed him. I don’t have non breast feeding guilt. I can understand that some women may not be able to breastfeed or not want to-sometimes it may not be feasible for them to pump, they get infections, the baby rejects their breast, etc. Different circumstances call for different choices so we should not be so hasty to condemn women for not choosing to breastfeed until we have all the facts of their specific situations.

I didn’t read very far down the list of comments, just as far as Andrea’s. I think a lot of mothers who choose to formula-feed feel the same way, that breastfeeding mothers look down on them and scorn them. I don’t, even though I love breastfeeding. I sure didn’t love it at first! We had a hell of a time for the first couple months, getting a good latch. There were many many times I wanted to give up. I have 2 friends who chose not to breastfeed any of their babies. My only real opposition to formula feeding is that it’s a man-made, so it can’t possibly compare, so if you didn’t have to, why would you? Especially if a woman’s reasons are “ugh, it’s gross, and it will ruin my boobs”. Lol. Oh not my beautiful beautiful boobs!! Aging is inevitable, girls. But, that’s just my feeling. My friends both said they just felt uncomfortable with the idea. I think it’s too bad that they felt uncomfortable with the idea of feeding their babies with their bodies. Or just plain felt uncomfortable with their bodies, is more likely the case. I do wish that formula feeding wasn’t so common, and breastfeeding does seem to be making a major comeback. I hope that in a few more decades, the majority of people are more comfortable with the idea, and with seeing women breastfeed, here, there and everywhere.

Ever wonder why the most expensive formulas advertize “Closest thing to breastmilk”?

I agree, I was disgusted when a teenage girl at my church had a baby and all the mothers of little ones gathered together to tell her NOT to breast feed. They said and I quote, “if I had known it was going to make my breasts sag I never would have done it”. I was HORRIFIED to hear them giving her such advice! She was only 15, just had her first baby, and literally nobody but she knew she was pregnant until her mom took her to the ER for severe stomach pain and the doctor said, “she’s crowning”, and THAT’S the only advice the ladies at the church had for her?!?!

I wasn’t sure what judgement I would face when I first read the title of your article, but I am so glad that you added, “not the ones that try and can’t”…….I was one of those. I tried, and I tried, and I tried. I was feeling like the worst mom when my doctor asked me……”Do you feed your child?” and when I answered “Yes”, he said, “then you are a good Mom”………….I was so relieved. I had already dealt with some complications with my son and was worried that if I didn’t breastfeed, things would get worse. But, I am proud to say he is a very healthy six year old boy. (I also tried pumping, but did not produce enough milk) When my second son was born, I thought I would try again, he wouldn’t latch on, and I still was not producing enough milk. This time, instead of beating myself up, I was thankful that I had tried, and moved on to the bottle w/out a second glace. I would never make negative remarks to anyone who chooses not to breastfeed, because I don’t know thier “real” reason. I love that many women are able to have this special bonding time with their child, but I must say, I made sure that when my child received his bottle, I held him and sang to him, and had our own special bonding. Thank you for the article, but mostly thank you for understanding that breastfeeding is not always possible for everyone!!

I’d like to know how old this mom was. It seems like such a childish thing to say. As you said, selfish. I nursed my son successfully until he decided he was done. Wouldn’t nurse anymore…wouldn’t take breastmilk from a bottle or a sippy. He was DONE! He was 8-1/2 months old. My daughter is 9-1/2 months old and my supply was limited from the beginning. I pumped but never got much. I nursed round the clock. We finally gave up in July when I suddenly wasn’t making milk at all. She was just 5-1/2 months old. She would still nurse now if I had any milk for her. I am pregnant again and she has taken to biting and trying to suckle…through my shirt! The other day she even pulled my shirt down and planted her mouth on my breast before I had a chance to react. I wish I could nurse her (teeth and all) but that’s just not going to happen. I am hoping that my newest arrival this spring will be able to nurse, and I will try, but I won’t beat myself up if I can’t. I’ll just get the formula and ensure that my baby is getting the best stuff I can offer. Even if it isn’t from me. I am 37yo now. When I had my son, I was 21….my boobs were made to provide nourishment for the baby I had…not to be perky and attract men (I already had a man!). If you want perky boobs, don’t have kids. IMO

As a mother of an emergency C-Section with my first child…. I tried to breastfeed for 3 days (as painful as it is to get the baby into position on a C-Section incision) until the nurses in the nursery came in and told me that my baby was dehydrated and had crystals in her urine. I then made an instant decision to formula feed and I never went back on that decision. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child I remembered the days of tears and depression over not being able to breastfeed my daughter and decided that I again would just instantly formula feed. I was going to have a scheduled C-Section and I knew it would help my healing progress along to have my husband step in and do feedings. Both of my girls are very healthy and I don’t regret bottle feeding. I did try to get my second daughter to latch, but like my first daughter she had a hard time staying on my breast and unfortunately I didn’t have good lactation support at my hospital…. so again—I was happy to say- “okay at least I gave it a try!”

I think there is this whole stipulation that surrounds breast feeding and it really bothers me. I feel like if you don’t breastfeed you are constantly looked down upon like you are a bad mother- get over yourself! Breast feeding simple ISN’T FOR EVERYONE… end of story—just like college isn’t for everyone.

I enjoy, lead to I discovered just what I used to be looking for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye