This seems like a really imature post, if you ask me. I realize you believe you could never birth a baby. And, I’m not one to judge others perceptions of their capablities. Maybe you couldn’t. Maybe you could. I once believed that to be true for myself as well. I labored for 48 hours and only dilated to a 5. Had I been in the hospital I’m certain I would have been told the same thing that you were told. INstead, I continued to labor at home on my own for another 6 hours. I arrived at the hospital (hb unfortunately wasn’t my path for that birth) and was still only a 5. Yeah, most would believe that meant I was unable to birth my child. But, I still didn’t give up. 3 hours later I birthed my 8 pound baby of of my vagina…that would have otherwise been labeled unable to birth a child. I’m not saying every woman should welcome a 55+ hour labor. But, to say it is impossible without pushing through to those 2-3 or even 4 day labors, is not being 100% accurate. You can say you believe it to be true, but you will never know 100% for sure if it was possible or not. I’m not judging you….just putting the information out there for women who may read your blog and say, “well, geez, I didn’t dilate past a 3-5 after 24 hours either, so I must NEVER be able to birth my baby.”. Sometimes baby’s just need a lot of time and patience…especially those VBAC baby’s (which is what my second 55+ hour labor was). This time I am just going straight for the homebirth. I’m just about 41 weeks. I have had ctx all night for 4 nights now. My baby will figure out what they need for labor. If that is another week of this, so be it. I will give that to them.

And, that is of course your opinion to have. I just think that your blog reads….if you don’t have a baby after a day or two or dilate that you are unable to birth your baby. That isn’t true. I know a LOT of women who have had labors anywhere from 2-4+ days with very little progress throughout that time. They had vaginal births. If I recall correctly your daughter wasn’t in distress when you decided to move forward with the cesarean. I don’t really care that you chose a cesarean…everyone has a choice to birth how they want to and if you so choose a cesarean, then that is your choice. But, to lead people to believe that no progress over 24 hours means you are unable to EVER birth a baby is misleading and false. I just see too many women doubting themselves after reading these statements over and over and over by you for the past month or so. This is the first time I have said anything because I was wanting to respect your experience as you chose it to be. But, the repeated discussion over it is getting to me over time.

@COLICMOM to say that all that matters is a healthy baby is insinuating that a healthy mom is not at all important. I have had two children to date and yes, they are relatively healthy. My cesarean born baby suffers from allergy problems and immunological problems, likely because of the method of her birth, but I guess most would say she is healthy. I was not healthy after her birth. I was not healthy after my traumatic VBAC birth. I’m emotionally and mentally scarred, possibly for life as well. But, I guess all of that and my thoughts and feelings don’t matter because by golly, my babies visually appear really healthy. I mean, the woman is only a vessel, right? We don’t matter at all. Danielle can call people out for saying things that hurt her…but, comments like yours of all that matters is a healthy baby can be severely emotionally scarring and damaging to women who have a healthy baby but are not healthy themselves. So, don’t think of yourself as so much above the rest of us…when you are basically doing the same thing that Danielle is accusing others of doing.

KK, why does it matter to you? Danielle is fine with it, and her babies healthy and ALIVE, so again, why does it matter to you?

I am also having a scheduled c-section with my third child. This is after I had an HBAC with my 2nd. My HBAC ended with a severe shoulder dystocia, and even though I know another shoulder dystocia isn’t guaranteed, I am having the c-section. I couldn’t be happier and have no desire to have another vaginal birth, regardless of what anybody says.

And sometimes babies need help from doctors. My twins were born via C-Section. I am sad I didn’t get to try vaginal birth, but I trusted the reasons my doctor gave, and it felt right to me. I had already lost one baby at 25 weeks. I wasn’t losing anymore.

KK–I love your little nugget of ridiculousness thrown in there. Your first baby has allergies, etc. because of your C-Section. Talk about giving people the wrong idea! Also, to say that you are emotionally scarred from both birth experiences tells me you have bigger problems than some woman reminding you that the baby is a huge part of the decisions made in labor. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t calling you merely a vessel; how could she possibly know you are so sensitive to this? Maybe she was just trying to get you to see how different methods can lead to the same good results.

In the end, it’s about the family making decisions they can live with. The end. Why must all women try to one-up each other with the superiority of their birth/diapering/feeding/naming of private parts/gender role teaching/etc. methods. Get over yourselves.

I had a long labor that ended in a c-section. Even my doctor told me I “could have” delivered my baby vaginally if I had continued pushing (we tried for three hours), and I was up for it … but not up for the risk of brain damage to my baby, whose heart rate was dropping on and off throughout labor. I am so incredibly grateful to live in an era when families have the option of c-section when needed, resulting in healthy, living mothers and babies.

I guess it’s hard not to judge when you yourself have judged so many women. Accusing women who had breech presentations of having an unnecessary c-section, but then you yourself who at one point did have your 2 week old in your pelvis unlike your other two labored for all of 2 minutes and said nope can’t be done. I think that’s why people question your choices. Perhaps this has opened your eyes a little though to understand why women can feel empowered by their c-section, knowing they did what was best to have a healthy baby.

I think that no one needs to judge anyone about their birthing decisions. I don’t care what anyone wants to do in their birth. It is their birth and they should be allowed to do it however they want to. And yes, there are SOME women who actually CANNOT birth a baby vaginally. Am I the only one that remembers that, oh, let’s say one century ago, women DIED because of child birth because there were no medical interventions to help women who could not birth a baby naturally. I guarantee you that sat around and tried to birth their baby until, well, they just died. Should we continue to do this nowadays? And sometimes they were able to birth it but it took a long time and they got an infection in the process and died afterward. In fact, it was the leading cause of death among women and thus the most likely way that you would die if you were a woman. Not to mention the number of babies that died as a result of childbirth complications. There is a reason that the death rate during child birth has dropped so incredibly much over the last century or so. Because of- GASP- medical intervention! So get off your high horses and if you want to go labor for 5 days or some crap and risk you and your baby’s life after midwives (who promote natural child birth and whose best interest it is to promote natural child birth) and doctors all say it is impossible to deliver naturally, go right on ahead and do it and leave everyone else alone.
And, since you are probably thinking that I had a c-section too, I will let you know that I did not and delivered an 8lb 5oz baby through my little size 0 body naturally. But, had my mom not had an emergency c-section, I wouldn’t be on this earth to have done that. Grow up, get off the facebook, and go mind your own births and leave Danielle alone.

I get judged constantly because I’m having a scheduled c-section for this baby. What people don’t realize – and often don’t bother to ask before they start telling me how wrong I am – is that I have a transabdominal (surgically placed permanent) cerclage after being diagnosed with incompetent cervix and losing our first child. All my pregnancies will be via c-section. I would have loved to be able to give birth naturally, but it’s not an option for me. However, I’m still made to feel terrible about this situation regularly.

I’m glad you wrote this! I was in active labor for over 65 hours and wound up with a section (had to have a repeat section with my second child 6 years later). I could have pushed until the cows came home – my hips were broken as a child and no amount of anything would have squeezed my 9+ pound kids through. I get slack about it almost 10 years later from some moms. Your body – your choice!

I would absolutely, 100% have another C-section. It was a great experience and do not feel like I’m any less of a woman because I didn’t go through labor and delivery the “natural” way. Mine wasn’t elective in the slightest (there were various reasons a C-section was the safest, least-risky means of delivery) but my next child (or children) will also be delivered via C-section. I was able to “hold” Maya right away, and nursed immediately after we got to recovery. We weren’t separated at all except for the last 5 minutes of the surgery and I was there for all her shots, bath, everything. I know lots of doctors push for a C-section for other reasons and always felt I had to defend myself for why I was having one. But now that she’s almost five months old I can say, it was the best decision ever and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. The end result I desired was a healthy baby … and I got it. I didn’t care HOW she arrived, just that she DID.

I admire how much you have done to be flexible w all that life has thrown at you, particularly this pregnancy. It’s been truly amazing.

While your way of handling all of it has been exhausting all your options, there are likely those who choose not to handle it the same way. They may even have the same or very opposite outcome. So I say, hooray for choice. Hooray for information.

A few phrases have been giving me a hard time. “I’m not too posh to push. & “I has a *medically necessary* cesarean section.” I wonder if you/all of the pushy activists will be able to extend that politeness you deserve to those who had it different?

When I lived in Italy, my landlord’s grandson had severe brain damage due to lack of oxygen because his mother’s doctor wouldn’t perform a c-section. The grandson had a whole host of health problems as well that resulted in his death at the age of four. Not every pregnancy will end in a natural birth, period. It really is about mom and baby making it out as healthy as possible. If a new mom is going to focus on what didn’t happen and allow that to cause her major distress, there are deeper issues going on than just a disappointment over the birth process. There are still many moms and babies around the world who die during or immediately after childbirth, so instead of us fighting over birthing choices, how about we all act grateful that we live in a country where the mortality rates are low.

This was a well written article. Myself, along with others also experienced a C-section, not at my request, but after only 40 hours of labor, and only dilating 1 cm, with me-so, I refused to even have the pitocin in my system.. Me-so was bad enough. I had an excellent recovery, I was up and walking with 3 hours of giving birth on the operating table. My child is healthy and she just turned 3, my doctor told me everyone is different, maybe my body just didn’t want to go through the vaginal birth, I had a plan, an all natural birth, it didn’t happen, not that I am complaining because an almost 9 pound baby girl with a 15 inch head might not have been the natural birth I was expecting… But ladies, less not harsh on each other we have all had wonderful experiences in birthing our children, and I enjoyed reading everyone’s posts.

I did not want a c-section. That was for sure. Scared. To. Death. No plans for one, but guess what? My little baby turned out to be a big baby. With a big. head. (Like everyone else in the family…you think with all of the worrying I did, I would have thought about that one.) I progressed to 7 cm quick and then hung out for about 10 hours there waiting for the baby to get a move on. My beautiful big headed baby was wedged into my pelvis so tight that they had trouble getting him out WITH A CSECTION. Thank goodness for csections is all I have got to say. The answer to my birthing dilemma was not pretty back in the day before csections.

And, lord have mercy, that first comment is so exactly what’s wrong with mommy-on-mommy hates crimes that it almost seems fake. But, of course, it’s not. So sad.

Most of you are missing KK’s point. She is not saying that women shouldn’t have a C-section. Her issue with the article is that it implies that women who show little progress during labor CANNOT give birth to a baby vaginally. There are women who’ve had babies in two hours and others have taken 2-3 days, whether you chose to wait it out is your own decision, but DO NOT say that it’s not possible. It is misleading. I personally don’t think I would have been able to labor for two days and would have probably opted for some kind of assistance, but thank God that was not necessary. By the way, it sounds to me like the author of the article is being as judgemental as those she dislikes by calling them “pushy radical birth activists” I believe in natural birth, I guess I should feel offended.

It’s a means to an end and that end is the beginning of one or more of the most profound relationships we can have in life. One moment in hundreds of thousands or moments.

It’s obscene that women feel like failures for having c-sections. And why do strangers feel they have such a stake in these intimate decisions? We all have our opinions but there’s something to be said for the wise advice of mother’s past. “If you can’t say anything nice DON’T SAY ANYTHING!”

Hi, I am a first time mom and I read a lot on pros Nd cons of all ways of birthing. In my opinion, women who can make it all natural are somewhat pushy.
As a mother I hope for the best and I’m scared for the worse. I’m terrified of having to have a medically necessary c-section, but know I’m not less of a woman if it were to happen. Heck, I’m more willing to let a doctor cut me open for Tue life of my baby and that in itself takes guts (no pun intended.) I find women who look down on other like the churches who tell women at abortion clinics they’re goof to Hell. Who are you to judge what I do when everyone is imperfect and I honestly dislike people pushing their opinions on anyone.

Thank you for the post and Congrats on you little one. I know I will be informed and willing to ask questions for when my time comes in august and won’t be pushed into something that isn’t right for me. :) keep writing. there are some of us that don’t have sticks in our Ass that like what you have to say.

I suggest a round of applause for Maggie!!!! I have been made to feel terrible for a necessary c-section by some of the bloggers other posts. I am sorry that she was judged, but she has also done judging in the past.

Good gravy, why do I keep reading Babble?

I think it’s interesting how in the one article that was linked to in the comments, that the only reasons cited for maternal choice c-sections involved either fear of pain (implying that some women are weaker than others), and convenience (implying that the mother’s schedule is oh-so-important.) There are MANY other reasons that one chooses a c-section, and I’m disappointed that those were the only ones listed.

@Jessie – I did not WANT another c-section at all this time around, in fact I spent the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy looking for a local provider who would allow me to have a trial of labor after having 2 c-sections already, one being a horrid failed VBAC with a baby in the NICU for 36 hours.
I had two VERY negative c-section experiences before this birth, which shaped my view, but I had no choice but to come to terms with the care I *needed* to get and make it the most positive experience I could.
Which is exactly what I did!

Thank you for your story. I have a beautiful 7 month old girl. As a first time mother I wanted to do everything right we took hypnobirthing from the best doula in town I have two doulas on my birthing team and the PLAN was to have a peaceful all natural birth. Olive my daughter was two and a half weeks late, my doctor let me go the extra half of week because she was healthy and doing good. I did cat cows and yoga and had chiropractic adjustments blue and black cohosh and nothing brought me into labor. Finally I was induced and I labored in the hospital for 75 hours still trying to go have a Natural birth. In the end I had a fever and was weak I would have kept on going but both doulas and the doctor called the c-section and I have a very peaceful and spiritual c-section. This is a rare situation but the Natural birthing people would still call my birth NOT Natural and therefore bad somehow I am soooooo glad I had medical help if I would have kept on going the baby or even me could have gotten hurt. I am sick of the high horse people get on about the natural birthing thing I still call my birth natural because I did it the best I could and follow my body’s cues and my daughter is no less healthy than anyone else’s.

My second c-section was completely my choice – and I’d do it again! Great experience, great recovery, wonderful staff – and two amazingly healthy, smart, allergy-and-infection-free boys to show for it. And yet, my 100% “all natural” “drug free” ex friend, who breastfed each child up to two years of age, hasn’t vaccinated, and follows every tenet of natural woo she comes across on the internet, has ear tubes in 3 kids, severe GI issues in one, and all four have severe asthma and respiratory issues that have landed her two youngest in the hospital. Weird.

I had both my kids (12 and 14 years ago) by c-section. I was disappointed, the first time, not to have “the birth experience”; this disappointment lasted no longer than the few minutes it took me to process the information I was getting from someone I trusted–yes, I trusted a member of the medical establishment–shocking, I know! I decided, thenceforth and forevermore, to be thrilled to have a had a healthy baby and to have lived to tell the tale. The cult of natural birth–at its worst, a form of female competitiveness just as ugly as all the other forms– has gone too far. I have witnessed friends grieving their c-sections as a personal failure, and I am glad that my confidence in my own decisionmaking is stronger than that.

I am scheduled to have my 2nd c-section in two weeks. My first was with breech twins, and my doctor informed me that not a lot of doctors in our area will do a VBAC (some for malpractice reasons and some for other reasons). Fine by me. If my doctor’s not comfortable doing it, I sure as heck am not comfortable with it, either! I, fortunately, had a great experience with my first CS, and am just hoping for a similar experience this time around. (And for the record, KK, I’m pretty sure allergies and immunological problems have more to do with genes than your baby being delivered via c-section.)

And Bonnie–your story sounds inspirational! The Babble editors should reach out to Bonnie to write an essay about her birth story.

I had planned a home birth with a very experienced local midwife and doula but after over two days of very active labor I decided I needed some help and went to the hospital for some pit and an epidural – 24 hours more labor at the hospital (they tried three times to get the pitocin to work and it only worked for a couple of hours but I was able to move freely in the hospital since I could feel my legs the whole time) followed by two hours of pushing. I asked the hospital midwife if I was close and this was even going to happen because I really couldn’t keep going for another 3 days like this and if I was going to end up with a c-section anyway to please just put me out of my misery. She did not have a reassuring reply (a frown, shrug, and a maybe). The OB on call came in and said hmm, this is a large posterior baby, asked how tall I was, and then said I could push for another couple of hours. I said enough. Of course by that point I hadn’t eaten or slept in almost 4 days (I tried to eat a popsicle and some crackers the first two days but I just ended up getting sick).

The doctor came back and insisted I could have the baby without a c-section but I demanded one anyway. 2 more hours of pushing (because now the anesthesiologist was too busy and the OB said I didn’t need one anyway) and finally they attempted to do a spinal (didn’t work), then went to do the c-section when I could feel everything!!! They finally knocked me out, then because I was under they only have limited time to get the baby out, and the OB nicked a blood vessel causing a major hemorrhage….

I have every intention of attempting a VBAC next time, however I am giving it 24 hours then demanding a c-section. I don’t care that people can have babies after a week of labor. If you are awake for days, the drugs might not work if you need a c-section. Being put under general anesthesia can be very dangerous for a baby and OBs are then in a rush to get the baby out, which can make them sloppy which can be very dangerous for the mother.

I am all for a natural birth (as I even attempted a home birth). I was given a hard time when I told people about the home birth. I am given a hard time when I tell people about the c-section (and I don’t feel I need to tell every stranger the ridiculously long saga of how my child’s birth ended in a c-section). You can’t win when discussing anything parenting. What you can do is be supportive of other people’s choices.

I have had a vaginal birth, a planned csection and an emergency csection. And I can’t say anyone has ever judged me for any of them. My first cessation was planned because I had a 10 cm cyst on my ovary that my daughter couldn’t get her head past, she was sideways and couldn’t be flipped, even though they tried until my stomach was raw and bleeding. They had to take out the ovary and cyst anyway to check for cancer. My last was an emergency csection because my placenta fell apart when my water broke. I lost liters of blood between my house and the hospital and we both were lucky to survive.
I’m curious how either of these births could be vaginal? KK, any thoughts?

Sometimes they are medically necessary! I have a congenital heart condition that required me to have a c-section. After much discussion between myself, my cardiologist and by perinatologist we concluded that the safest way for baby and me was a c-section. How one chooses how to birth is such a personal decision. isn’t it wonderful to live in a time where women get to choose which way to experience birth and not just be knocked-out and woken up once the baby is here.

I was able to birth my daughter vaginally and did so because I was stubborn, arrogant, and refused to listen to anyone, including medical professionals, who suggested that a c section may be best. In the end we had a whole slew of medical problems, some for my daughter but mostly for myself, because I wouldn’t listen. The “you COULD have delivered vaginally” argument is stupid to me because it doesn’t matter if you could or couldn’t, what matters is that you made the best decision you could for you and your child, kudos to you on that. Also, I can sympathize with you wanting to brag, one of the medical problems I mentioned above was a long complicated situation that caused me to not be able to breastfeed… I got so much shit from lactation nazis, many of whom I didn’t even know, because the only thing they could fathom was that I didn’t try hard enough or didn’t love her enough to do it. As much as I support breastfeeding rights and planned on doing it, they made me want to brag about formula feeding.

the midwife i started my labor with insisted that i delived “naturally” she wouldnt even listen to the thought that there could be a possibility of a csection. she measured my stomach and said” o he will only be 7-8lbs you will have no problem delivering him” i tried telling her multipul times during my pregnancey and that first 24hours in the hospital that i have many of the same female issues as my mother and that i had concerns that i may not dialate since she did not dialate past 4cm.
but she didnt listen to me and i was in labor for 55+ hours. i ONLY got to 5cm, i sat at 5cm for over 12hours and the last 15 hours of my labor i had less than a minute between contractions to cetch my breath. id had only 4-5 hours of sleep in all that time and i was on a liquid diet . i was exaushted and barely able to function and i still would have had to push my son out…
it was at that point that my mother and my labor coach (who has ben pregnant 9 time all but 1 where natural births) desided to discuse with my midwife and nurses teh possibility of doing a csection. they called in my wonderful doctor and he preformed my csection. i will never forget his shock voice when he saw the size of my son. he turned and looked at me and my mother who was in the OR with me and said”HOLY SHIT!! There is NO WAY in HELL you would have EVER have pushed this baby out!!!” this is the same man that deliveredmy labor coaches last 3 children the youngest of which is only 2 years younger than me. my son was 10lbs 8oz and 24in long
we talked to some of the nurses after i go back to my room and teh first midwife never put my conserns/family history of not dialating on my charts. they said if it ahad ben they would have brought up the option of a csection sooner.
but im glad they finally did the csection and i finaly got to see my handsom boy. for me a csection was necessary.

Every women has the right to make an informed choice. I do think natural birth is ideal but I believe a healthy baby is more important. People have mentioned distress that mothers have gone through by having medical interventions. I wish god would have given me that pain instead of the pain of losing my daughter at 1 day old due to oxygen deprivation at birth.