[...] a hot little debate going on among the gestating bloggers over at babble about the idea of “push presents”. now, this was something that I had never heard of before [...]

[...] Zoe receiving a 10 carat diamond ring as a push present. Some women are adamant that they are entitled to an expensive gift in recognition of all they have been through and all they have done to produce this child for their [...]

I just don’t agree. I read Alyson’s post and was baffled, honestly, as to why any woman would need a present. It had nothing to do with wanting to be selfless or a martyr; I didn’t get it!

My husband does a lot more than sex! When I was sick in my first tri, he took care of the kids, waited on me, and did most of the chores. He’ll do the same again after our baby arrives. That is his “present” to me: taking care of things when I can’t. Some might say I’m lucky (I am). Some might say that he owes me because he better step up, that’s his job if I can’t. Sure, okay…but then having a baby is MY job, right? Why do either of us need more than a grateful attitude towards the other? It just seems to me that men don’t get credit for all the stuff they do.

I am going to comment on one thing: “And honestly, I think going through a c-section is a hell of a lot harder than pushing, simply because of the risks and recovery. But I can’t say I have ever been in that position myself.”

I disagree. While I have not had a c-section to compare births, I have had 2 very very difference vaginal births. My first birth, my baby was in the posterior position. I pushed for nearly 3 hours to turn him into the right position so I was able to birth him. In the end, forceps were needed to assist birth. My recovery was dreadful. It was a month before I could walk or sit without pain.

All that to say, c-sections are major surgery and do require lots of recovery. But I have talked to other moms who were recovered from a c-section way more quicker than I was from my difficult vaginal birth.

Just thought I would throw my thoughts out there. :)

Also, I think the term push presents is quite obnoxious. I would not have minded receiving one though. :) But I would definitely never demand one.

I respectfully disagree with you.

Even as a 20-year old woman, I was thrilled beyond words to hold my firstborn child. Never mind that my face became disfigured with Bell’s Palsy during my pregnancy. The fact that I’d just become a mother was a wonderful gift in and of itself. Nothing could’ve topped the gift of looking into my child’s eyes for the first time. Or feeling that tiny little hand wrapped tightly around my finger.

Sixteen years and 3 additional children later, I can say with confidence that even after suffering from Diastasis Symphisis Pubis during my last pregnancy – suffering in extreme pain and losing the ability to walk throughout the entire pregnancy – hearing my last child cry for the very first time was an amazing gift. Never mind that a c-section was medically necessary during my last pregnancy or that I’ll never be able to have children again.

Motherhood is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. Diamonds, shopping sprees, or whatever counts as a “push gift” these days could never top that. It’s the intangible experiences and memories that mean the most to me. They can never be lost or misplaced. They’ll never depreciate in value. And unlike material things, I’ll take this most precious gift with me beyond the grave.

Thank you for sharing your opinion and for respecting mine as well.

Kristi, Live and Love Out Loud
@TweetingMama

@Danielle: My personal opinion about “push gifts” was not meant to insinuate that your children aren’t gifts or blessings in your life. I was simply trying to say that motherhood was gift enough for me. I don’t doubt for a second that you love and treasure your children.

I love that you posted this today. I’m wondering if my hubby read it, b/c I got an email confirmation of the marc by marc jacobs diaper bag I have been drooling over, and attached was a note that said “Happy Push Present”! Haha! Not too expensive, but not something I would have bought for myself. He scored some major points…

Has anyone read “The Five Love Languages”. The thing is that some people really like getting gifts and it really isn’t about being materialistic–it’s more about the act of receiving and giving.

I personally would love a gift when my child was born. I had a beautiful, thoughtful present for my hubby after our first child was born b/c my thinking was he was becoming a father and what an amazing thing to celebrate. He tends to not think about these things–which is okay. We’re just different.

My point. Who is anyone to judge what others are doing. Gift giving is wonderful way to celebrate and show appreciation. It can also be selfish and warped. You can’t just say push presents (weird name) are bad or good. It’s too general.

I think the father should absolutely do something to commemorate the day/make the mama feel special and beautiful and treasured. She helped God create a miracle out of an act so simple. It absolutely doesn’t have to be a fancy, sparkly jewelry present. It can be flowers, a love letter, a date, a spa day anything… Having all the hard work, labor, recovery etc completely treated like “nothing special” by the man who put you in that position is simply not ok. All these sanctimonious,”The baby IS the present, stop being selfish!!!” commenters are completely missing the point. Towards the end of pregnancy when you’re huge and uncomfortable and in the post-partum stage when you’re recovering and trying to claim your body as your own again, you really just need your partner to be good to you and make you feel beautiful and appreciated.

I wouldn’t demand one, but definitely wouldn’t turn one down! But my husband is pretty good. He was ready to wait on me hand and foot during any periods of bedrest or severe discomfort, as well as after the birth too. And I do disagree about the c-section thing to an extent too. Not that I envy anyone who gets a c-section (I dreaded the possibility of having one), I know they are hard to recover from, my mom had 4 of them. But she also was up and around much sooner than me. Most of my friends with c-sections recovered more quickly than me as well. The pain of pushing him out while my midwife stretched my hooha with her fingers to get his head out, and the tear that I sustained while pushing him out was bad enough, but what was worst was that my leg popped out of socket and for months afterwards, and I mean literally like 3 months, my leg continued to pop out of socket as I walked. I could get up to go to the bathroom and halfway there my leg pops out of socket and hurts tremendously and I can’t move it. However, I do agree with you that push present is a little misleading because there are a lot of women who do not push (my mother included, who had never seen a vaginal delivery til I had my kid).

I agree. We go through so much as mothers starting from conception and sometimes it feels un appreciated and not understood by our spouses. My in laws gave me a $100 and made it a point to tell me that this is not for my babies, it is not for my husband, it is just for me and only me. It meant a lot to me. My husband got me a purse w a matching wallet which was so sweet and unexpected and inside were 5 or 6 giftcards to stores and salons. it brought me to tears, not because of the gift itself but because he gave it to me and said thank you for everything you have done, you more than deserve this <3 with our second child he didn't get me anything but I felt so taken care of and appreciative of him going back and forth checking on our oldest and waiting on me hand and foot.

Honestly, I had never even heard about ‘push presents’ until I was mingling with some fairly affluent people. These couples live very high-end lifestyles and coming from the middle class, I was always over-awed at the way they lived. When I was pregnant with my daughter and at a social event, I had a dozen of these ladies ask me what I was going to ask for a push present from my husband…they then showed me their diamond watches, tennis bracelets and rings that their hubbies got them for giving birth. I just said something non-committal like “Oh, I haven’t thought of anything yet.” and changed the subject.

Uuuuuummmmmm………seriously? Focusing on some diamond necklace instead of the BABY that is about to come out. Newsflash……the BABY is the reward. Your present is the life that has just sprung forth.
I’m sure the women that want a present are also the one’s that have scheduled C Sections. Give me a break, y’all.

“I don’t think that men doing what they should be around the house should get praise at all” Really? Because you know in every way shape and form women were designed to give birth, it’s what they should be doing, why should you get praise for it either? It really just all boils down to be shallow and ungrateful. The last thing on my mind after I gave birth to my boys was, ‘ok, now what do I get for it?!’ When you got pregnant you signed on to give birth, it’s not like it’s some grand favor you did for anybody else that you might could have avoided.