Being Pregnant
The Push Present – Isn’t A Happy Healthy Baby Enough?
A “push present” is a gift a new dad gives a new mom when she gives birth to their child either before or after the birth, commonly in the delivery room. Typically it’s something sparkly or materialistic and meant to serve as a reminder of the delivery of their new bundle of joy. If you’re like me, you probably never heard that such a thing existed before you were pregnant. Maybe it made you excited at the idea of receiving a special gift or maybe you don’t care one way or the other. I think a push present is completely ridiculous and here’s why.
Ok. First of all, let me just start off by saying I’m sorry if this post offends anyone because I’m guessing this could quite possibly end up as a controversial subject. And I’m not saying I’m complexly against it, I just feel like even though I’ve carried this baby in my womb for nine months and will eventually be the one pushing him out, it’s not only me who should be rewarded. I think that all of the effort and hard work would be nothing without my husband’s support. He bared with me when I couldn’t eat anything but mac & cheese or PBJ during my first trimester, he’s been at the other end of my most hormonal moments and over all he’s supported me throughout my pregnancy. He’s in this as much as I am so why should I get something sparkly or expensive just because I pushed?
According to the executive editor of BabyCenter.com, “It’s more and more an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, ruining their body. The guilt really gets piled on.” I think it’s so silly that some new moms think they need something material to remember that special day. Maybe I’ve got an old fashioned way of thinking but isn’t delivering a happy healthy baby the greatest gift imaginable? I guess the concept of a push present wouldn’t bother me as much if it didn’t have a wikipedia page dedicated to it’s history or the fact that some new moms are angered when their husbands don’t reward them.
Now that I’ve gotten you cheering or punching the monitor, I’m curious to know what you think. Do you agree with the idea of a push present or do you think it’s completely ridiculous like me? Would it be better if it was something more useful for mom or something to share mutually between both new mom and dad? I’d love to hear.
{image: google images}
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30 Comments
lawn party commented on Apr 22 11 at 11:39 amtotally totally agree with you!
AlbertaMom commented on Apr 22 11 at 12:12 pmI don’t think they should be an obligation. But sometime within the year after the birth of each of my kids (for Christmas, for example) my husband has gotten me a ring with their birthstone. I will pass those on to my girls some day as a reminder of when they were newborns. I don’t know if that is a push present, but I like the idea of it!
Izzy commented on Apr 22 11 at 2:24 pmI love receiving gifts, don’t get me wrong but somehow this one just seems kinda wrong. If you are gonna gift me a gift for all the hard work I did, why stop there?
I would like to have one for conception, each trimester, getting to work daily… That sort of thing.
Nancy commented on Apr 22 11 at 2:53 pmThere is nothing wrong with a husband buying a gift for his wife after she has a baby, but the term “push present” and the fact that it has now become an obligation makes me want to throw up.
KateTietje commented on Apr 22 11 at 3:59 pmYour present after you push the baby out is THE BABY. That is what you get. This is all just more “entitlement” mentality, “I deserve something just because I do.”
rachael giglio commented on Apr 22 11 at 5:29 pmdo you really need a reminder of that day? Then look at the adorable kid you got out of it! Isn’t that the only reminder you need?
Katy E commented on Apr 22 11 at 5:42 pmWhen I delivered my son, the Labor/Delivery/Post-Partum unit was FULL. Our nurse made the comment that it was so refreshing to take care of a family that was so loving and respectful to each other and that we were the “Oldest first time parents and the only married couple on the floor” . I was 29. There were 25 rooms with Mamas and New babies in each room and we were the only married, happy, respectful, devoted couple.
My point is that when we see so very many single Mamas who raise their precious children by themselves because they reproduced with an unappreciative jerk, it’s nice when there are good, sweet, wonderful Daddies who step up and show some token of appreciation for the beautiful gift of life that these Mamas bring into the world.I’m not sure it requires diamonds or jewelry but it is nice for the Daddy/non-child bearing Partner to do something special for his/her wife/partener to show his/her appreciation for carrying his/her genetics/legacy into the next generation. It could be as simple as a love letter. My Dad would have a HUGE bouquet of my Mom’s favorite flower sent to her hospital bedside when she delivered. She loved it. It was super sweet and thoughtful. As for my husband, he brought me cupcakes and planned an in-hospital-room movie date. It was wonderful and dearly appreciated. This time around I got a big ticket push present out of necessity prior to delivery. We needed a new car that could fit two carseats and a double stroller.
Meg commented on Apr 22 11 at 6:41 pmI must admit that I do not agree with the concept of push presents, but just because I don’t expect one, or want one, that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be done. I also don’t agree with your statement, “He’s in this as much as I am” because lets face it, even the most understanding, sympathetic man doesn’t really have a clue what we go through as women when we are carrying a child. They don’t lay awake at night with insomnia, they don’t bear the scars and marks on their bodies from pregnancy (and let’s not talk about what breastfeeding does to the breasts), and they don’t experience the emotional roller coaster than is pregnancy even though they bought a ticket for the ride. Yes, it’s true, they see all those things, but it is entirely different to be the one to experience it. Now, having said all of that, I don’t think that any of those things entitle a woman to expect or demand any sort of gift from her husband/partner/baby daddy. But you know what, if some man decides he wants to get the mother of his newborn baby a token to thank her for being her then who am I to comment?
Suzie commented on Apr 22 11 at 6:44 pmMy husband called it a Birth Day present and gave me an iPad2. The term “push present” is kind of gross. In any case, I am very appreciative. I’ve loaded it up with my favorite music and games and things to do while I’m in the hospital, including an app to help me remember which breast the baby just fed from. We’ve yet to see how much of a help it will be at distracting me and helping to keep me occupied while I am in the hospital. I’m due on Monday. It was definitely a nice of him to want to spoil me with something that I really appreciate.
Claudia commented on Apr 22 11 at 6:46 pmAh, I have to write a little comment!
It is so funny because 1) I never read anything from you that was “controversial” (from your other blogs) 2) I will have to go against what you said 3) and since I do love controversy I will tell you why I’m ok with “push present” (I didn’t know there was a name for it) by giving your wedding as an example.
Why did you need a ring at your wedding? The actual wedding, the love connection between a husband and a wife, the ceremony…was it not enough??? To my opinion, it is pretty much the same concept ;)
Dan got me a little ring (still waiting for my fingers to get back to their normal size) after I gave birth…from Kate Szabone…that I saw on your blog…ah ah ah!!!
Lauren commented on Apr 22 11 at 7:55 pmHmmm, I’ve never even heard of a push present and I’m pregnant with my fourth. I don’t want anything sparkly from my husband, just, you know, being my total partner in raising these kids! :)
Sparkly is for wedding anniversaries… ;)
ldancer commented on Apr 22 11 at 9:56 pmI think this is a little, I don’t know, Calvinist! Or something. Puritan? When my daughter was born, my mother gave me the earrings that her mother gave her when I was born. I was moved by the gift, and felt the continuity of my grandmother to my mother to me, and will pass them on to my girl if she wants them, at some point. I expected nothing from my husband, but was pleased to have a beautiful piece of jewelry to wear to remind me of my foremothers and to adorn me at a time when I felt so beat-down and unglamorous. I think the tradition of giving a small, elegant piece of jewelry to a new mom is lovely. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. It’s just a token of a time, really, and it’s important to make her feel beautiful when she mostly feels bloated and leaky. Don’t make it more than it is, or less.
WildernessBarbie commented on Apr 23 11 at 3:49 amMy husband introduced me to the concept of a “push present” when I first got pregnant as it’s vary popular among his friends… however nothing seemed to have materialized, so now I’m disappointed. Mother’s day is coming up soon though and I have my suspicions. We’ll see what happens then! If he hadn’t told me about it, I wouldn’t have expected it, but I am sentimental in that way and after 29 hours of back labor and 5+ hours of pushing, some might say I’d earned it! :-)
Brandy Baltier commented on Apr 23 11 at 3:50 amI would smack my husband upside the head if he got me a push present, be it diamonds or daisies. We’re currently in a two bedroom apartment and expecting our second child. Every spare penny is going into our “HOLY SMOKES, WE NEED A HOUSE!” fund.
But I think that even if we were millionaires, I’d smack him. Unless it’s practical, like a camera, or a personal chef for a week so I can forget where the kitchen is, even if it’s only temporary. Jewelry has always seemed like a waste to me. While we both have wedding rings, we don’t wear them. It seems too superficial and silly when you step back and look at the big picture.
sandy wilkerson commented on Apr 23 11 at 4:36 amI was in labor with my first son for 36 hours, I had decided on natural labor (no pain medications at all) and then had to have c-section, my babys daddy as well as my family and friends brought flowers and gifts,its kind a tradition people do it all the time and its great but I consider it more of a welcome to the world baby thing or even welcome to motherhood but the idea of a “push present” I personally didnt and wouldnt want one, my reward for delivering my sons into this world was knowing that God blessed me with the oppertunity to be a mother not once but twice with two wonderful healthy sons. my first son is graduating high school and my baby boy is starting high school, all the gifts I recieved when they was born I have no clue where there at now but I have not yet forgot the day either one of them was born, I could tell you each detail and the only reminder I ever needed I see every day and that would be the beautiful faces of my sons. so a “push present” nah I dont want one because there is nothing any one could give me that would be any where near as rewarding as the gift I already recieved form God and that would be the privledge to PUSH my babys into this world,, into my arms.
Grand Junction CO Photographer commented on Apr 23 11 at 7:15 am“Push present”…really? I had a baby 17 yrs ago and never heard of such a thing. Our baby was the gift for “pushing”. Sounds like something cooked up by the jewelry businesses.
Suebee commented on Apr 23 11 at 9:04 amHonestly, I agree. I’m not one for frivilous gifts, anyway (jewelry? Snore), so I think this idea is pretty ridiculous. As for comparing it with a wedding ring (as a previous commenter did)… no, a wedding ring a commitment symbol that you BOTH wear to show the rest of the world that you’re together. A “push present” is like getting a gift for getting good grades in school. LOL!
Cathy commented on Apr 23 11 at 9:38 amNever heard of that term and wish I hadent. Hello the reminder gift of that day is the beautiful baby you just gave birth to. That all I ever need and thats what anyone should need. Very selfish of someone to expect that. And selfishness needs to go out the window anyway when you have a baby because its all about the baby now.
abby commented on Apr 23 11 at 12:28 pmOk…so.
People who know me would probably guess that I would be against “push presents”. I hardly own any jewelry (my husband has never bought me one piece and we’ve been married almost 8 yrs) and we rarely give Christmas/birthday presents. For anniversaries we almost always just go out to eat and/or go on a nice road trip. We own very little and like it that way. My wedding ring is a family heirloom…
But I think if the sentiment is coming from the right place-it can be a ridiculously sweet and romantic gesture. I’m not asking for or expecting anything, but if I got a locket or other sort of “mom” jewelry necklace-I would be over the moon about it!
My brother and sister in law eloped and had very inexpensive wedding bands and my brother surprised her with an incredibly gorgeous ring the day she gave birth. I thought it was such a sweet gesture and it is very special to both of them. But if you’re the type of couple that gets/gives jewelry all the time then I think it may be less special…
Like with any gift or occasion, it is the thought behind it that counts :)
Julia commented on Apr 23 11 at 2:49 pmThink it this way, my bestfriend got a nice gift for her mum, two cute lilttle earrings she got for her father as a push gift when she (my friend) was born. Wearing them, beeing able to give them as a gift to your daugther knowing they, and the memories they represent Will stay alive. Its a nice view of the push gift, is the one we share in spain where those gifts are traditional
ldancer commented on Apr 24 11 at 12:14 amSome of the positions taken in this argument seem to be mostly about people vying with one another to prove how selfless they are. It’s OK to enjoy a gift, you know. Jewelry, a massage, something nice to comfort you in your transitional period (slippers, a sandwich). Lighten up and stop acting like you ceased to exist as an aesthetic or individual being when your child was born.
Justathought commented on Apr 24 11 at 12:13 pmWhat about mothers who have C-sections? Do they not “deserve” presents because they didn’t “push”?
Kellie commented on Apr 25 11 at 9:45 amTotally agree with Meg! I didn’t receive gifts but we always get a special gift for the baby. I have REALLY ridiculously tough pregnancies and have never expected a gift but I’d never say that my husband and I are in this the same way. Not to say he isn’t wonderful and caring but he doesn’t deal with HALF what I do. Love the article though and agree with it being silly to expect a gift and plain out dumb to get mad when you don’t.
robyn commented on Apr 25 11 at 9:55 ami don’t think there’s anything wrong w/the baby’s father giving the baby’s mother a gift. i personally don’t love the term “push present”, but call it what you want to. having said that a sincere, from the heart gift is always welcome in my eyes. i don’t think a gift for giving birth should by any means be expected or demanded, but if one is given, it’s not anyone’s place to judge the new parents. like most everything in this world, it’s all a matter of opinion. i’m due in june and if my wonderful husband gifts me w/sparkly new earrings, i’ll gladly accept and wear them with pride :)
SarahB commented on Apr 25 11 at 11:03 amI’ve told my husband that if he wants to get me any kind of “push present,” it should come in the form of gift certificates for housecleaning services or massages. Or a little bit of cash set aside for a date night.
But, really, any and all spare money goes to the baby right now and will be going to daycare just a few months after the baby’s born!
Bunnytwenty commented on Apr 25 11 at 12:59 pmUgh at the “ruining their body” quote above. Just… ugh. A mom’s body is different than it was before, but it is not “ruined.”
As for “push presents”: a present bought by your husband is bought with your shared money. So you might as well have gotten it for yourself. I’m not sure I get the point. I like the idea of a thank-you from the new dad, but jewelry seems silly (but, then, I’m not a jewelry person).
Gretchen commented on Apr 27 11 at 3:26 pmI don’t feel like it’s obligatory, but my husband got me a gift under the instruction of our Lamaze instructor with our first kid. We had a class where all the moms opened our gifts together and it was really sweet.
My husband got me a pair of earrings that weren’t all that expensive but were really thoughtful (and he’s got crazy great taste in jewelry.) He’s not a “Tuesday Present” kinda of guy. (Gets you a gift, just ’cause it’s Tuesday.) So, it was nice to add an occasion for him to remind me that he’s thinking of me.
michella commented on May 04 11 at 1:12 pmI think it’s gross to expect something. to each their own if they want to buy fancy presents but I prefer the kind gestures made after the birth. such as a husband planting a tree in their backyard in honor of his wife and the birth of their new baby. that’s sweet and heartfelt, in my opinion.
Analisa commented on May 04 11 at 4:58 pmI agree with the Claudia’s Wedding Analogy and would go on to give the example of the “traditional bride and groom’s gifts” that are typically exchanged between the couple before the wedding. While the promise of a happy, life-long marriage (not to mention a WEDDING and ENGAGEMENT RING) should be “enough” many couples still exchange gifts before the wedding as a way to commemorate the big event. I don’t see a problem with a husband making his wife feel special on such a special day. :)
amy commented on May 04 11 at 8:21 pmI suspect DeBeers had a hand in this.
I think this concept is obnoxious, and the term “push present” grosses me out.
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