Being Pregnant
It’s a…SURPRISE!
Today we hit the 20-week mark in this pregnancy. Normally that would be the time at which we (and many people) would get an ultrasound to find out the gender. And we did find out with both of our first two. But we’re not choosing to find out this time.
It’s hard not to, really. Well — hard in the sense that I kind of want to know! But since we’ve chosen not to get any routine ultrasounds this time, it won’t even be a temptation. We don’t have any way to tell.
The first two times I said I didn’t want to know. But then I always got too curious and I had to find out. I was glad that I knew, though. Preparing to be a parent for the first time was big enough without being unable to prepare the clothes and pick a name and have some idea what to expect. I was so thrilled to find out that time that I was having a girl! Everyone in my family has girls first, we had basically agreed on a girl’s name, and it sounded so fun to have a little girl. Which it is.
The second time we found out it was a boy. It took us three long months to settle on a name for him, but we did. And we were thrilled to expect and have him too.
Now…well, we already have “one of each,” which many consider to be the perfect family. We love having one of each. And we are excited for whoever this baby is.
Since we have chosen to get only minimal routine tests done (many are just not necessary during normal pregnancies), it’s been a different experience. We’re focusing on bonding with the baby in other ways, since we don’t know “who” he or she is. We haven’t seen any “pictures” via ultrasound, either. And we’re thrilled that this one will be a surprise.
Think about it (or, if you’ve been there, relive it): You’ve been anticipating this baby for so long, so excited! And you go through labor and birth, and finally someone holds up the baby and says, “It’s a…!” I can’t wait!
I keep wondering and thinking about “who” this might be, and I can’t wait to meet him/her and see what s/he looks like. That is one of my favorite parts about new babies — getting to know them!
Do you find out if it’s a boy or a girl? Why or why not?
Top image by Rumpleteaser
Go Back To Being Pregnant
16 Comments
christine commented on Mar 18 11 at 11:14 amI can’t wait to find out (9 weeks left) what flavor baby I’m having. I think there aren’t enough surprises in the world anymore. The baby has been very modest, anyways, and usually has its legs crossed on ultrasound. I’ve been told that having that surprise is an amazing motivator in labor, as well. It’s also silly letting everyone guess what it is :)
Liesel commented on Mar 18 11 at 1:14 pmI did not find out the first time and it really wasn’t the best choice for me. I had trouble bonding with my baby during pregnancy and the moment she was born I could’ve cared less what sex she was. I remember saying her name and thinking that it was all just crazy. It took days before the baby and name seemed right in my mind. I hated that people guessed the sex and I would never let myself wonder as I was afraid I’d get too attached to one or the other and if it were different then I worried I’d be disappointed. Therefore, I didn’t think enough about that baby growing inside me and felt so detached from her when she was born.
This time we found out at 15 weeks via a quick gender ultrasound as we are not doing other routine tests or ultrasounds. It was awesome :) We already had names picked and so finding out at that moment, when I was not exhausted and emotionally spent, was just perfect. Ever since that moment we’ve called him by name and our family talks about him constantly.
And it WAS a surprise- any moment that you find out is a surprise as you don’t choose yourself at the moment of conception. :) Everyone is so different in how they want to receive the surprise and when, but you never know what IS right for you until you try them all!
Ashley commented on Mar 18 11 at 3:01 pmI didn’t find out with my first, and although the birth ended in c-section, the “it’s a… girl” moment was amazing. I also think it added an extra level of excitement for all of the family waiting to find out what we’d had. My husband and I were almost positive we were having a boy (based on nothing substantial, obviously), so finding out we’d had a girl was a total shock. Also, my doctor kept saying, “she’s not a peanut!” (she was over 8lbs), and I kept thinking he was saying the word “penis”. Anyway, in the confusion, I had to ask twice for them to verify that we’d actually had a girl. It was an awesome experience, and we’ve decided not to find out with this one either. I understand wanting to know, for sure, but this way seems more fun and exciting for us… especially when the second one is so close to the first one. I find that the pregnancy can be slightly less exciting when you’ve just been there done that. Why not spice it up?
Kay commented on Mar 19 11 at 9:40 amReally? You’ve closed comments on any posts where people don’t tell you what you want to hear?
Julie commented on Mar 19 11 at 10:56 amThis is amusing. The 20-week ultrasound isn’t to find out the sex of the baby, it’s to confirm the health of the baby. You know, rule out things like hypoplastic left heart syndrome, anencephaly, problems with the cord, or a dozen other conditions. If you want to know the sex of the baby, finding out at the mid-term ultrasound is just a bonus, but it’s not the point. I don’t understand why anyone would forgo this procedure. And yes, I’m familiar with the natural pregnancy and childbirth crowd’s objections to ultrasound, but the truth is they have absolutely no basis in fact.
KateTietje commented on Mar 19 11 at 1:46 pmJulie,
Of course the purpose of the 20-week ultrasound is not to find out the gender; but since we’ve chosen not to do it for many reasons, finding out the gender is also impossible. Here’s an interesting fact: the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology does NOT recommend routine ultrasounds.
Julie commented on Mar 19 11 at 6:29 pmI’ve read the most recent practice bulletin from ACOG and it doesn’t say anything like that. I’m curious as to where you learned that “fact.”
Jessica commented on Mar 20 11 at 3:33 amWhy do you keep using the word “gender” when you mean “sex?” It’s annoying.
lalagirl commented on Mar 20 11 at 12:10 pmI hope for the child’s sake it’s a boy.
Stacia commented on Mar 21 11 at 4:53 pmYup found out both times! I’m terribly impatient and need to get things in order (like name, room, clothes, etc) but I’ll be it’s just as exciting to not find out and then find out when the baby is born.
also… “gender” and “sex” means the same thing, what difference does it make what word she uses? picky picky
Kay commented on Mar 21 11 at 5:03 pm“Here’s an interesting fact: the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology does NOT recommend routine ultrasounds.
No, that’s not at all what the ACOG recommends, it’s a half-truth that some in the natural birth community push to try and convince people that ultra-sound is dangerous (“Look! It’s so dangerous even the ACOG says you shouldn’t do it!”) What the ACOG actually recommends against is the “for fun” 3D/4D ultra-sounds.
Maggie commented on Mar 24 11 at 12:54 amActually, gender and sex are not the same thing. “Sex” is the biological assignation – will the baby have a penis or a vagina, testes or ovaries? Gender is the social construct of roles and expectations based on society’s norms.
Rose commented on May 25 11 at 4:40 pmMy sister found out the sex of her first three babies but she decided to keep the 4th baby’s a surprise. When she gave birth to a girl, she was so excited! She said it added so much more to it, and she wished she could have gone back to do the same with her earlier children.
Mum of 3 commented on May 27 11 at 4:51 amI’m pregnant with my 3rd child and have decided not to have any ultrasounds. There is a way of finding out the sex of the baby. I went to a kinesiologist and she tested me what I’m having. I have heard several experiences of people going to a kinesiologist and finding out the sex and it turning out to be correct. I have heard of two experiences where the kinesiologist told pregnant women how long they were going to labour for and she was spot on.
April commented on May 31 11 at 6:37 pmWe did find out, but, really, I “knew” with each of my kids by the end of the first trimester, so it was just a confirmation.
Theresa commented on Jun 13 11 at 3:48 pmI didn’t know with any of mine (3, 2 boys, 1 girl). I “knew” with my 1st though and refused to get anything regarding a girl. My 2nd, well I just didn’t get the US to find out. My 3rd (and the girl) was too modest to show us anything (high risk preg so had monthly US)…any time! It was nice not knowing because of the surprise, but then, I had enough family around having both sexes that clothing was never an issue, lol.
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