Being Pregnant
10 Things I WISH I Knew Before I Had My First Child
See that person to the left… That was me three years ago. Pregnant with my first child, green to the whole being pregnant thing myself, and doing what most women do… blindly listening to all the people in my life I trust when it came to pregnancy and childbirth.
I think we all look back and say… many I really wish I knew this, or that when I was pregnant with my first child… and I decided to put my most important, and regrettable things into a list… if it can help one woman, I really think I have done my job.
1. Interviewing providers, and hand picking a hospital, or birth facility that would be best for your is most important. You cannot blindly pick a hospital, or where ever your insurance gives you the green light to birth at. For most women there are more options, and interviewing providers will really eliminate any kind of conflicts you may have in late pregnancy, or even during delivery. It isn’t going to guarantee you a perfect birth, but knowing you put more thought than just asking your sister, or best girlfriend who she goes to will be a huge help.
2. Watch The Business of Being Born. I wish I had seen it before I had my first child, and not in the months afterward. I think that is what helped me to know that what happened during my son’s birth didn’t need to, and it helped me to help other woman avoid everything that I went through.
3. Take a childbirth education class! We see so many women, and couples in general skipping these classes, or opting for condensed one day speed courses, and then by the time the baby comes, most is forgotten, and all they learned goes out the window. Then they say well I wish I knew this, or that… but if they had really taken the time to become educated, and take a class that wasn’t going to interfere with the golf course, or girls night out, they may be in a better place… Heck, if my pediatrician who is expecting her first child can swing a full childbirth education course almost 12 weeks long, anyone can!
4. Read! – Skip the books that are going to scare you or try and make fun of pregnancy. What to expect while expecting scared the crap out of me, and if I had a penny for every woman who said the same thing to me, I would be a millionaire.
5. Breastfeeding is not a walk in the park, and your pediatrician may be absolutely no help. In fact many know very little about breastfeeding in general, and give out horrid breastfeeding advice. I went through that with my oldest son because they were constantly concerned about his weight gain. Never once was I told that the weight gain charts are actually based off of formula fed babies, which clearly makes a huge difference.
6. Your children will not be perfect no matter how hard you try as a parent. In those newborn days, there will be times you sit up at 3am frustrated, crying, and wondering what else you can do, and contemplating ways to escape. Don’t worry about it, and don’t think you are a bad parent… it happens to all of us. Although most of us aren’t as willing to share our negative thoughts, or experiences. And sometimes it only gets worse with age!
7. No matter how much you spend on cream to prevent stretch marks… if you are genetically going to get them, there is nothing that $75 oil made from the pee of a tiger is going to do. And there is no magic cream that will get rid of them after your child is born either. I was lucky enough not to get one stretch mark with my oldest, and by 20 weeks with my second, I was covered. Eh… they are just battle wounds that come with parenting, because they are only going to continue as your children get older. They can go along with the unpainted finger nails and bags under your eyes.
8. Make Dad be involved… In pregnancy, childbirth, diapers, you name it… he should be there right along side of you doing it too. No excuses!
9. Over 40% of labor inductions end in c-sections… Yes, that is a huge number… It happened to me with my first, and had I known the odds of a c-section, and that they were really THAT high… I would have never gone in for the induction.
10. Never take advice from internet due date forums. This is something new I have been watching, especially after my childbirth education training over the summer. So many women give out horridly bad, and outdated advice and first time mothers take it as some kind of gospel.
Go Back To Being Pregnant
29 Comments
Caitlin commented on Feb 14 11 at 2:16 pmWhenever my friends tell me about their elective inductions, I cringe. I try to quote the stat of 40% but no one seems to want to listen when they are excitedly ready for a baby.
mommymichael commented on Feb 14 11 at 3:08 pmA FB friend put up the induction date of her first baby. Incidentally the week before christmas. Talk about RED FLAGS. I asked if she was okay with that, that it sounded like christmas vacation planning for her doctor. She told me they were concerned about her baby’s size (aka big baby bull****). It’s no surprise she ended with a c-section.
You can give advice, doesn’t mean they will like it, or listen to it.
K. C. commented on Feb 14 11 at 4:54 pmTrust your instincts.
nic @mybottlesup commented on Feb 14 11 at 4:55 pmi wish i knew that post c-section, i would have 2 stomachs for the rest of my life… the one that was there before the baby… and the one that pouches out where your scar was. :) cute.
magpiemom commented on Feb 14 11 at 5:50 pmI had no idea about sleeping patterns. Like babies need regular naps. They don’t just want to hang out all day. Learning to teach my children to sleep became the best revelation for me!
Meghan commented on Feb 14 11 at 8:30 pmI wish I knew just how RAVENOUS I’d be while breast feeding. I had to beg friends to bring me pre-portioned food (like muffins, mini yogurts, fruit, portioned lasagna and breakfast burritos, etc) because I had no idea I’d need a snack EVERY time I’d sit down to feed Heidi (husband was away at Army training). I also wish I’d known that the adrenaline rush/super-high hormone streak would plummet around week 3, just as the baby hits its first growth spurt and needs extra attention and care. I felt like such a blubbering idiot, calling my mom in tears and asking for help. It felt like raging PMS but worse. Crazy times.
Also, no one told me about hemorrhoids. :(
Kate commented on Feb 14 11 at 10:08 pmI wish someone had mentioned I would be spending the majority of the day glued to the couch nursing!
Yogamama commented on Feb 15 11 at 5:26 amI wish someone told me about all the BODY changes happening after having my daughter
hemorrhoids
huge breasts
PMS syndrome;)
weaknessAND YOU NEED TO HAVE FOOD IN THE REFRIGERATOR
Kim @ Dirty Diaper Laundry commented on Feb 15 11 at 9:12 amI agree with almost everything, but in terms of not listening to a DDC, that is really dependent on who is in it.
I know in mine there were a good number of homebirthing moms, natural birth moms, and moms who had experience with breastfeeding and offered great advice!
Now almost our entire DDC (now a PR) use cloth diapers too. We converted the herd. It goes both ways!
I do wish I had watched TBOBB with my first. Things would have been different, but I got my homebirth with number two.
ldancer commented on Feb 15 11 at 10:00 am1) Get in the best physical shape possible BEFORE you get pregnant.
2) Work out while pregnant. Whatever feels good to you, whatever feels safe to you. If you like to exercise a lot, check out http://www.crossfitmom.com for awesome prenatal weighted exercise. Prenatal yoga, bellydance, swimming, walking, whatever you like to do, do it, because it will help so much with pregnancy symptoms. I had no back pain despite being gigantic, no gas, no heartburn, no hormonal issues (really).
3) After you deliver, be CAREFUL about working out. Don’t push yourself too hard too early. I did and I’m still dealing with injuries 14 months later, because I didn’t understand how much relaxin affected my feet and knees, and thought I could go back to explosive/impact work.
4) During and after pregnancy, your OB or midwife most likely knows nothing about fitness. So don’t expect them to give you good advice. Please, really, don’t. I can’t tell you the bad advice I got from professionals: “Pregnant women shouldn’t do pushups” (bull****); “Do crunches to close your diastasis” (NOOOOOO!!!)
Misty commented on Feb 15 11 at 10:31 amSO TRUE! I look back on my pregnancy and think about how naive I was to everything and the “unsolicited advice” I received from strangers…and family!
I do agree with working out before pregnancy. I have always worked out and after my son was born within 7 months i could wear a swimsuit again- dont get m e wrong- It was a lot of work but I did it!
I also used all organic skin care for my face and body. I think since they were free from mineral oil and parabens they actually worked. And TRUST ME- My mom and sis were covered in stretch marks! I was determined not to. Didnt scratch, take hot baths and used organic (SPOILEDMAMA PRODUCTS) to grease my body. I also took omega 3′s to hydrate my body on the inside as well.
The next baby, I think I will be much less stressed and much more prepared.
Love that you suggested dad get involved. Thats is SOOOO important. And try your best no to micro manage. Its hard to think Dad can do it just as good as you…but he wont because you have your own style and your “mom”. BUT he will do the BEST he can and has you lil ones best interest in mind. I found the more reluctant I was to put our son in dads hands in the beginning the more work I was doing. The babies fine and dad is great- TAKE A BREAK MOM!! ;)
Heidi commented on Feb 15 11 at 10:54 amI agree about being induced. I was induced and I could not even tell you why, it wasn’t even my due date yet. It turned out perfectly fine for me, but I still wish I would have thought it through more. We also got our son circumcised without even thinking about why we did it, we just assumed that everyone did it, so that was best.
I just think about how carefully I make decisions with my now two year old. I obsess over whether he is eating healthy enough and whether to let him watch that cartoon. I just wish I would have been more careful about those early decisions. I will definitely think about them more with baby number two. I guess now I have the opposite problem of obsessing over every single detail :)
Jen commented on Feb 15 11 at 5:26 pmI wish someone would have told me and that I could have understood that my life would not be MY life after having children. My world is completely involved in taking care of, nurturing, and dealing with my children. I don’t really exist as I did before having them. That being said, I wouldn’t give them up for anything. It just isn’t imaginable how much life changes after a baby or 4.
Falon commented on Feb 15 11 at 9:04 pmI agree with most of the things you said but not the induction part. I was induced with both of my kids & didnt have to have a c-section with either.
Danielle625 commented on Feb 15 11 at 9:07 pm@Falon – You can disagree if you would like Falon, but statistically 40% (and growing) of women who are induced end up in the operating room for their delivery. It is not something I made up, induction increases your chances of having a c-section. I am glad you were in the 60ish% who were able to have a successful induction!
annelyse commented on Feb 15 11 at 9:45 pmI thought all of the information was very accurate and I agree. I think it is extremely important to have a provider that you trust and that you remember that each pregnancy is different. It is important to stop judging other woman and ourselves so harshly, we may not get our perfect birth plans but the beautiful, healthy baby is still the most important outcome. I really wanted to be in my hospital’s natural birthing center and had all sorts of ideas about my birth plan. I ended up having gestationsl diabetes and other issues. My doctor helped work with me and my disapointment to deal with my high risk situation. I had to be induced for both births. My doctor did not rush things with either induction, in fact for my second I was in the hospitsl four days prior and the inductions were over night through at least the next day. Although I wish I knew what it was like to have a baby like they do in the movies, I know that my doctor was completely trust worthy and did the best she could for me. My second son was induced early due to some issues with insane contractions and elevated heart rate on top of gd. His actual birth was very frightening due to the angle/position (I forgot the medical term) of his head. After he was born, the doctor discovered a true knot in his cord. He was a litte miracle and had no problems healthwise. I believe this knot caused all of our hospital stays and scares during weeks 32-38, and as much as we tried to delay his early arrival- he was born on Christmas Eve, I think he had to come when he did and with help, because of the issues. I chose my doctor and hospital because they had the least number of c-sections in our area. It wasnt the hippy dippy birth plan but it was safe and positive. I also can’t say enough about prenatal yoga. One of my instructors pretty much guaranteed she could get hard labor down to under five pushes. It worked with my first!
Theresa commented on Feb 16 11 at 10:37 amFYI: 40% of inductions may end in c-sections due to factors that would have prevented the baby from being born naturally anyway, it is not accurate to assume that inductions cause c-sections.
On a lighter note, I blogged a little while ago about the 10 Things I’m Glad No One Told Me, http://www.amountainmomma.com/?p=107
Theresa :-)
Saphraine commented on Feb 23 11 at 11:51 pmI had a midwife with my first, and I wouldn’t change it for the world! All my up-coming babies will be delivered by her.
In my Birthing class she told me that 70% of babies in TEXAS are delivered by C-Section. That number keeps getting higher because of a mothers lack of knowledge :(
Joanne commented on Feb 24 11 at 12:55 am@Theresa: it’s not that 40% of inductions MAY end up as c-sections, it’s 40% of inductions DO end up as c-sections. not every inductions ends up as one but seeing as how almost half do, something in the way pregnancy and birth is being handled needs to change.
Wendy @ ABCs and Garden Peas commented on Feb 24 11 at 4:39 amI wish I had known more about induction, too. I was induced, and had no idea until much later how much danger that put me in of having a c-section. The first intervention (the induction) leads to a VERY probably chain reaction of subsequent interventions (pitocin=higher level of pain= epidural= slowing of labor, etc, etc.) which very often leads to a c-section that wouldn’t have happened if not for the induction.
I didn’t have a c-section, but it was mentioned many times during my last Dr. visit and my day of labor. The main nurse that helped me even told me how she cringed the whole time knowing that I would probably end up in surgery. She was so happy I didn’t, and so was I! I’m planning to do whatever it takes to avoid it next time.
Theresa commented on Feb 24 11 at 5:16 pm@Joanne, the word MAY in my comment was not reflecting on the statistic, but was part of the sentence structure. Meaning that inductions MAY end in c-sections due to many factors. I don’t dispute the numbers, I dispute the erroneous deduction that inductions CAUSE c-sections. There certainly may be cases where drugs used for inductions produce side effects that make attempting to deliver naturally too dangerous. However, many women may be induced because of biological or physical problems that would have prevented them from delivering naturally anyway.
Inductions are sometimes necessary. My mother was induced in all 3 of her pregnancies, the sac was far too thick and there was no chance she would be able to go into labour naturally.
Sadly for some reason they did not do a c-section with her first child (me) and the prolonged delivery, loss of blood, and the fact that I was 3 weeks overdue, nearly killed both of us. Had they simply done a c-section she may not have lost as much blood and may have been able to be a mother to me in my first few weeks, instead of being bed-ridden due to her close call with death.
marlena commented on Mar 07 11 at 4:36 pmI wish I knew how tired I would be but also how the adrenaline or sheer will would keep me going and EVENTUALLY my babies would sleep through the night. Around month 4 with both of them, I became convinced I’d never rest again and felt horrible.
Becky commented on Mar 08 11 at 12:55 am@Theresa: Joanne made it clear a few times that the 40% of inductions number has come from an actual percentage of c-sections that were the result of inductions. She never said (and the statistic doesn’t either) say that the c-sections may have been caused by inductions, or that every induction (like your mother, your cousin, or anyone else you know who was induced with operation). It says that 40% of all (meaning, of 100 induced labors, 40 of them) end up in operation. In other words, 60 induced labors, like the ones you are familiar with, ended up without operation. Sixty is a much higher number, so it is very easy to understand how we could know so many people who have had induced labor (for whatever reason) without surgery. However, and I agree whole heartedly with this, 40% is also a high number of cases where inductions led to surgery. It is nearly half, and as we can all admit, many women find out after the fact that their doctor, or nurse, or whomever, had an agenda outside of the birthplan- that’s unfortunate. Also, that 40% figure does include inductions that were carried out for ligitimate reasons. This number is important for women to know about so that they realize that finding out a doctor’s normal practices (high number of c-sections or low number), and their hospital’s normal practices (induction, drugs, whatever) so that they can make the best decision for themselves.
Courtney commented on Mar 08 11 at 12:10 pm@Meghan OMG YES! I have NEVER been so hungry in my life then during the first 2 weeks home from the hospital while starting to nurse…I ate everything in the house and then some. I had NO IDEA exactly how hungry I’d be!!!!
Courtney commented on Mar 08 11 at 12:13 pmOh, and another thing that really stuck with me- my childbirth class teacher told us, in relation to what we “need” for the baby, that new parents “are a billion dollar industry”. It really made me look twice at everything we purchased and consider if it would REALLY make our lives easier or if someone was just trying to make a buck (or 50) off us.
Theresa commented on Mar 08 11 at 1:22 pm@Becky
I was merely trying to point out that just because 40% of inductions result in a c-section, it does not mean that the c-section itself was ’caused’ by the induction.The author of the article states:
“It happened to me with my first, and had I known the odds of a c-section, and that they were really THAT high… I would have never gone in for the induction.”
It sounds like she has assumed that inductions CAUSE c-sections, 40% of the time, which is what I took issue with. There could be many factors at play in these 40% of inductions that ended with a c-section. You cannot assume a causal relationship from correlational data without more information.
Elizabeth commented on Mar 10 11 at 2:26 pm1. That my body would never be the same, no matter how much I worked out before and during the pregnancy.
2. That post-partum depression is real
3. That recovery after the baby is WAY worse than the pregnancy and delivery. No one tells you about the bleeding and the fact that your insides have to shift back around to their “normal” positions.Of course, if I had known all these things, I probably wouldn’t have ever had my son…so maybe it’s better I didn’t know.
Janelle commented on Feb 16 12 at 11:54 amI am so glad I didn’t watch that video before having my baby, and I’m glad I didn’t read any books either. You know why? Every birth is different, every mother is different and every baby is different. I grew up in a big city where I had the wonderful opportunity to choose everything, where I wanted to go to school, church, doctors you name it. But now I live in a small town with limited choices, and I felt bad about that. I felt bad that I couldn’t do more for my daughter or maybe she wasn’t getting the best care because our hospital can’t do water births. After reading this I am so glad, all of the negative stuff about doctors and hospitals I didn’t have any of those problems. Which I guess is why tip number 1 is so important, if you have that luxury. Also the prenatal classes are really awesome as well. In fact I don’t think you need any more information that what they teach in those classes. Because as a mother you will know when something isn’t right, you don’t need a book to tell you. The one thing that bothered me most when I was pregnant is that everyone wanted to tell you their horror stories and I always promised myself that I would never do that. So if you’re an expecting mother reading this for tips just remember to breathe and your body knows what to do trust it!
Anna commented on Mar 15 12 at 10:33 pm@Theresa
I see your point, and I agree that not every induction that ends in cesarean was necessarily caused by the induction itself. However, comparing the numbers, inductions have a much higher rate of ending in cesarean then going into labor naturally. Anytime you mess with the natural process of things, you end up with potential complications. Inductions for valid medical reasons and c-sections for valid medical reasons are great. It’s amazing that we have that available. The warning is against elective inductions because someone is tired of being pregnant or because the doctor wants to keep a nice schedule and doesn’t want to be called at 2am. That happens A LOT. I didn’t know any of this when I was pregnant with my first. I’ve done a lot of research since then. I think that as long as a woman is educated about what’s going she is more than welcome to make any decision she feels is best.
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