Being Pregnant
Valentine Poems to Avoid Sending Your Pregnant Wife
If you wanna still be married when the baby comes? Don't send her these poems...
I’m pretty smooth, y’all. And that’s just a little heads up for your convenience. If you doubt me? So be it, but you need do little more than meet my wife to figure out that there must be some truth to my assertion.
Okay, no there’s not. I’m a complete oaf. And that’s the only reason why I got as lucky as I did in landing such a lovely bride. Because my wife feels sorry for me. Are you happy? I’m constantly calling people by the wrong name (like 5 times in a row with game-show-host confidence, to boot), confusing things and forgetting birthdays. But even I’m not clumsy enough to send the following Valentine poems to my pregnant wife.
Hammer Time
Remember the time when we dropped the hamma
Right there at halftime of UT and Bama?
Who’da thought that our SEC lovin’
Woulda delivered a bun in the oven?
Pregnancy’s Tough
I know that this pregnancy’s taking a toll
But, honey you really don’t look like a troll.
I know you feel big and fat like a pig.
But all that has changed are your boobs. Which are BIG.
Here’s one, however, that is okay to send her.
Forever
You joke ’bout the belly that’s starting to grow.
You worry your attitude’s starting to show.
You wonder why I don’t run for the hills.
Alimony! DUH. It’d double my bills.
Oh, wait. You actually can’t send that one. But you can send this one. I promise. It’s the one I wrote for my wife last time she was pregnant with triplets.
Endless
Nothing’s bigger than the sea,
Except the love inside of me,
For both my girls, for my family,
Which soon will be increased by three.
I need to come up with one for this year. I think I’ll stay away from ones that use oven as a metaphor.
For all you ladies out there who are pregnant, a sincere Happy Valentine’s Day to you! This time around, you’re more beautiful than ever. Particularly you, Caroline. I love you!
Image: stock.xchng
Go Back To Being Pregnant
5 Comments
[...] selection, entitled, “Valentine Poems to Avoid Sending Your Pregnant Wife,” is full of just that–short poetry about the panic and breast-centric nature of the [...]
Valentine's Day Poems for Pregnant Women | Materni*Talk commented on Feb 10 12 at 9:52 amOtter commented on Feb 08 11 at 10:56 amHaHaHa! Hammer time is my favorite. Can I have your permission to use that one, with UA substituted for UT of course. Of course the real sentiment is nice too.
AdrienneMay commented on Feb 08 11 at 4:27 pmhaha this was so funny. I am glad that you are smart enough to avoid these!
Patrick (yeah, that one) commented on Feb 08 11 at 5:37 pm-grin- Well, you never forget my name at least. And it’s obvious you haven’t forgotten your wife’s name (cos you’re still alive). And she’s not likely to spend her time with someone just because she thinks they are pathetic, because the lady has serious class. So accept that you’re almost as great as you secretly believe you arrogantly are. :-p
With that in mind, have a poem:
Your looks, my darling, could arouse any man
Even the saintliest of all, to sin.
And this is why this year we find ourselves
Ready to be parents. Again.It was a shock, a surprise, a thrill
When the doctor confirmed your suspicions
And I’ll take some blame and some credit
For bringing on these current conditions.Last time we discussed the unkindest cut
And in spite of your wishes I wouldn’t let it be
I know you may be frustrated by these events
But please don’t Bobbitt me.
Clark Kent's Lunchbox commented on Feb 08 11 at 9:32 pmLord Byron is rolling in his grave somewhere. RICLMAO Rollin’ In Coffin Laugh My Arse off that is.
Add your take:
Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions,
but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
Aela Mass 
Casi Densmore-Koon 
Rebekah Kuschmider .jpg)
CaitlinHTP (Caitlin Boyle) 
Michelle Horton 
Ceridwen Morris 
Katie 
Devan McGuinness 
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.
5