danielle, my wife had to have a c-section with the trips and i’m definitely with you when it comes to this: people seem to think that a c-section is just a walk in the park. Caroline had unbelievable complications from it. though none of them were manifested in our sexual lives, she wasn’t right for weeks. part of it was due to the arduous nature of a 105 pound woman in her late 30s carrying three babies. but part of it was due to the fact that it was a

MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY.

people who think that having a c-section is akin to waving a magic wand that makes everything okay, including vaginal elasticity (i totally made that phrase up…i think), are, well, mistaken.

PS glad you used the word vagina, but next time, could you go with “tootie”? it’s a favorite of my 3 yo girl.

awesome post, Danielle.

All of my friends were shocked that I was up and around 3 days after my natural vaginal delivery… because they have all had c-sections. They were in pain a whole lot longer than me and also sometimes suffered from side effects of the painkillers for days afterward. So I am thankful I was able to give birth like I did, I can see it is a much longer recovery for some of my c-section friends.

I had a c-section and a VBAC, and I have to say that having a loose vagina has HELPED our sex life. Even if it hadn’t, I still prefer the vaginal delivery for better recovery (even though I had complications from the vaginal delivery).

Having a c-section does not preserve or save your vagina from becoming less tight…

After my first unplanned c-section, I seriously doubted that a. I would ever feel nomal again, and b. if I would have any more children. It was not my idea of a good time by any means.
I eventually got past both issues – to a point – and had 2 more c-sections – both necessary. Physically, not sure I will ever ‘feel’ 100%, but feel ‘normal’ – if that is possible!
Anyone who takes a c-section lightly apparently has never had one!
Glad to know I am not the only one out there that felt this way.

Thank you for linking that book. I delivered my son vaginally almost 8 months ago and things… aren’t right still, we’ll put it that way. I’m going to go look into that book.

I was terrified of a c-section. In spite of a bunch of problems, I still am glad we avoided the c-section. Major surgery is just that, major surgery.

I’m sorry the author had unpleasant complications. I haven’t heard anyone say cesarean surgery is EASY. I had a post-cesarean infection (as well as a weird postpartum blood pressure issue) and was back in the hospital (without my baby) for 3 days after coming home with him for one day (he was allowed to visit, but not stay with me). That was unpleasant.

That being said…I had my appendix out when I was 12, so I knew from abdominal surgery and was prepared. I found the immediate recovery from the cesarean much easier than the appendectomy and was up and walking around the hospital about 14 hours after the operation. The catheter actually improved some oversensitive bladder issues I had even prior to being pregnant. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I felt much better. Haven’t noticed any long-term differences, other than the visible scar.

The reason I’m writing is that there is so much anti-cesarean material that those of us who had to have cesareans (for medical reasons) spend a ridiculous amount of time either defending them or feeling guilty about them. I don’t think there are legions of people saying that c-sections are easy and fun and you hardly notice them. For the record, my son was breech, really big, and had a 93th percentile head. I was 38 and overweight. Trying to deliver him vaginally would have been extremely risky. But I constantly found myself having to explain why I didn’t have him turned (too big, too risky), dealing with someone who told me that evolution meant that we couldn’t have babies that were too big to deliver (I was delivered by c-section and so was my dad, so…), even someone who suggested that I try to cause pain to my baby through my abdomen so he would turn.

Vaginal childbirth is great! Cesareans are not evil, however. They can leave some physical damage in rare cases, but they mostly leave emotional damage in women who’ve been so conditioned by the “mommy wars” that they see a cesarean birth as a failure, live baby and live mommy notwithstanding.

@Daisy – I am a mother who has had two c-sections, one I do not believe was necessary, and one I know saved mine, and my sons life. I am having a third scheduled c-section in May because I know that is the right and safest choice for myself, and my child. That being said… I do not feel any reason to defend my choice to anyone, I typically find that those mothers who feel like they have to go out of their way to defend their surgical delivery 1) Have doubts about how necessary their delivery actually was… 2) May have some serious doubts, or unresolved emotions about their delivery or 3) Really hated their delivery, but feel the need to put on a happy face because they are alive, and have a healthy child out of the deal. When I meet these women, I ALWAYS refer them to ICAN for support, because in most cases, that is exactly what they need. They need a good support system, and women to listen to and relate to.

Childbirth does not make the vagina loose. It has an accoridan shape and it meant to push babies out. The accordian shape is to allow stretching, and then it returns to it’s normal size (determined by genetics) after it heals from delivering a baby. I can’t believe people actually elect to get a c-section for that reason. My 5.6 year old son was a vaginal delivery, and I’m praying the 5 month baby I’m pregnant with is also. I’d much rather have my husband watch it naturally happen, and then marvel at the restorative properties and tightness of my childbirthing vagina.

I had a vaginal delivery, my son was eight pounds one ounce, and not even a nurse can tell by looking at me and examining me vaginally that I have had a child. (The stretchmarks are a telltale sign, though.) A few kegels got everything right back to normal for me. Why make surgical something that doesn’t need to be surgical? Surgery comes with huge risks, far greater risks than an uncomplicated natural childbirth. Long-term health is really what is more important. Preserving your body should involve NOT having it cut open unnecessarily.

I’ve told you before – and you’ve seen it with your own eyes. My husband LOVES LOVES LOVES my post-vaginal-birth vagina. Loves it! And having the cesarean the first time did not get me out of any vaginal unpleasantness. Our vaginas are MEANT to do what they do. Birth does not “ruin” them (though I have heard of women with four degree tearing from an episiotomy and/or pushing on their back. That can usually be avoided all together by birthing with a better provider.)

I had an emergency c-section almost a year ago. I was up and walking the next day and had no problems with my recovery at all. The surgery actually saved my life (my husband told me 6 months later) as well as my sons. My recovery with my son was so easy I have actually considered doing another c-section for my next child. I say this because it’s not fair for me to feel as though I’m being less of a woman or whatever because of the choice I want to make. As women we should be building each other up and encouraging one another through the miracle we get to go through and not making each other feel bad because of decisions of vaginal or cesarean, epidural or natural. It doesn’t really matter. To each her own.

A note of reassurance: birth can enhance our sexuality! I have had 4 vaginal births at home, all wonderful experiences, and each time my experience of sexuality has deepened and my capacity for sexual pleasure expanded. Labor and birth involve not only our bodies but also our brains, with lifetime peaks of the love (and orgasm) hormone oxytocin, which resets our love/caretaking system for motherhood. (For more about this, see my article on Ecstatic Birth on my website http://www.sarahbuckley.com.) Oxytocin shifts in labor and birth may also reset the sexual systems in our brains.For an exploration of the sexuality of childbirth, I recommend the film Orgasmic Birth.
And with all of my births, I chose my position (mostly upright) and had no coaching to push (which may be harmful, according to research by UK OB Constance Beynon). I have had no noticeable shift in my physical sexual functioning or pelvic floor.

I was lucky, lucky, lucky after my cesarean to run into a physical therapist specializing in pelvic floor issues. She was able to put everything back together correctly; deal with the adhesions, replace organs the surgeon hadn’t put back right. And I am aghast that more women are not offered these services as normal rehab. I mean… other surgeries offer rehab services afterwards, why not cesareans? Oh yeah… because if you’re offered rehab, that must mean the surgery was a big deal. ::headdesk::

Thanks Lareen for your breech birth story so great to hear of natural breech births and how easy it can be for our vaginas and all of us! , I forgot to add that of my 4 births,1 of my babies was breech and two were born posterior, with no tears, which I credit to choosing my position and no coaching. I think prenatal yoga helped too. You can read my ecstatic home breech birth story here http://www.sarahbuckley.com/maias-birth-a-family-celebration/

I LOVE this post (which isn’t surprising because I generally love everything that you post). I hear from more moms who have had C-Sections that they’re glad they still have “tight vaginas” (GOD I LOVE THAT WORD) instead of feeling like their husband has thrown a hot dog down a hallway. I don’t know why C-Section moms say that kind of thing to moms who have had natural deliveries. Maybe it’s to make themselves feel better about having a surgical birth? Whatever the reason, I didn’t realize that it was a stigma and that saying such things could lead to women being silent about the aftermath of their C-Sections. I have joked about it with women who have C-Sections but because of this post, I certainly won’t be joking about it any more. Thanks for opening the eyes of women who HAVE and have NOT had surgical deliveries.