Danielle,
When I read your story above, I am saddened. To me, it is a sad story. It sounds like you were coerced into believing you had a medical condition which necessitated an induction, which ended up in a surgical birth. And from that one event, it caused you to have to subject yourself and future children to the risks of unnecessary surgery.
I am not familiar with the specific details of your pregnancy this time around. Perhaps you have placenta previa or herpes or something of the sort, which actually does make a Cesarean section medically necessary. So, I am not judging your situation per se.
But I do know that I have witnessed the same story time and again over the years, women who have done the research, asked the hard questions of themselves, and realized that the statistics support a vbac for their next pregnancy, suddenly find themselves pregnant and speak to their care providers who, of course, tell them they “need” another Cesarean and there goes all of their research, planning, and belief in vbac. To me, that *is* sad. And sadder still, is that they always seem to claim to be in that “small percentage where it really is necessary.” What suddenly makes them in that “small percentage”? Just because their care providers told them so?
Again, I don’t konw the details of your pregnancy, so I can’t speak specifically of your situation, but as a generalization to women in this position.
I can easily see how I could have been swayed into planning a 4th Cesarean, rather than having the HBA3C which has forever changed me in every aspect of my being. If I hadn’t been confident in myself, my body, and my ability to birth my baby, and had sought out opinions in the vulnerable state of pregnancy, that may have just happened. I thank God every day that it didn’t. :)
Whenever you have time, I would love for you to explain more about the circumstances that make your particular surgery a necessary one. Not for the sake of “justifying” yourself, but so that others (such as myself) may gain a greater understanding of what some of these factors are that make up that category. I truly am at a loss of thinking of more than 2-4 instances where you would be having a “medically necessary” versus “elective Cesarean. I think it would broaden my own views by being able to understand this morefully. I wish you well in your pregnancy.
Teresa Stire
counseling psychologist and hba3c mama

You know what makes me sad? When other women, under the guise of “support,” go out of their way to undermine women’s decisions. It is the same thing with women who can’t or struggle to breastfeed and have to put up with crap from women who tell them they should have “just tried x or y.” If you want to be helpful, trust that they are doing/have done the best they can. If they specifically ask for help, then support them. If they tell you they’ve tried everything, trust them.

Danielle, I’m thinking of you! I have a dear, dear friend who went through a very similar experience to you, and also decided that scheduling a 3rd C-section was in her and her family’s best interest. Being a new birth choice advocate at the time, I had difficulty understanding it but tried my best to be supportive (I probably wasn’t great, but she’s an awesome friend). She was gracious enough to share her story on my site later, and I finally “got it”.

For every person that gives you pity or questions your choices, there are many, many more of us that stand beside you. Best of luck to you on your upcoming birth and congratulations on your growing family!!

Teresa – you miss an important point… this is her decision… the reasons don’t matter… she isn’t looking for more information on ‘if’ she should… she’s made her choice & isn’t that what we are all fighting for? the right to choose! If she were planning a FIRST c/s then I might agree that a little further discussion might be in order, however I personally think that once you have a c/s the choice to not ‘risk’ a vbac for whatever reason is perfectly valid. Both options carry risks & each woman has to decide which set is best for her situation. Who’s to say that baby #4 wouldn’t end up being a beautiful vba3c… however, this baby is not going to be a vba2c… it’s going to be a cba2c & she wants it to be a beautiful birth… period… end of story. she is looking for support & encouragement in her decision… nothing more, nothing less… only exactly what she has asked for. So, while I’m sure you had the best of intentions, you did exactly what she has asked not be done.

Congrats on your Baby!!! I’ve found my third baby to be my most wonderful experiance and he has really added so much joy to our family. I wish the same for you. I had an unplanned c-section, a failed vbac and then a scheduled c-section. I’m not terribly active in ‘the community’ because of the judgements. I have some very good friends who understand and ask questions, but sadly lots of people let things come out of thier mouths thinking that it will help and it doesn’t. I will say this… skipping straight to the surgery made having my last baby MUCH easier. I wasn’t drained. I was anxious walking in under my own power… but I felt in control, I knew what my options were and I got to decline the morphine!!! (it made me itch like- oh it was horrible!!!) I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope that for each ‘snarky’ comment you will get at least 3 that will uplift you and bring you encouragement or good information. Congrats again on this little miracle. And in 15 years… heck in 4- it won’t really matter how the little angel got here… just that s/he is healthy and you are too!!!

When I first became pregnant, I had the perfect birth in mind. I was going to labor for as long as possible at home (or nearby- walking around a 24-hr Wal-Mart) before going to the hospital. I didn’t want any medication; certainly no pitocin and I was optimistic about laboring without (and delivering without) an epidural or narcotic drugs. I figured, like many women reminded me, “my body is made for this”. Fast forward to my third trimester- I felt like I was 300 months pregnant. At 36 weeks, an ultrasound estimated my baby to weigh 9 lbs and forecasted a 10+ lb baby if carried to term. My OB/GYN expressed concern for delivering a 10 lb baby vaginally, since I had no previous history of doing so. I have to admit, I was concerned as well. My husband and I weighed the pros versus the cons, and together, we made the decision to go with a scheduled C-section. At first, I felt sad that I wouldn’t be able to experience all those typical labor/delivery milestones: my water breaking, timing contractions, rushing off to the hospital, pushing out a baby.. etc. But you know, the more I thought about it, the more excited I became about having a date and time that I would be certain to greet the most awesome person I have ever met. Is that selfish? Maybe. Did I catch a lot of negative tones? Of course- you know, the usually, “so sorry you’re having a c-section”, “that’s too bad a normal birth didn’t work out for you”, and the worst, most unsupportative comments: “You know, you don’t HAVE to have a surgical birth!”, “Get another opinion!”, “See another doctor!” and “It’s your right to refuse surgery!” Not a single person (outside of my mother) said, “Wow. Congratulations!” or expressed any excitement or happiness that I was about to embark on one of the most significant milestones of my entire life! I was made to be a mother! In the final 7 days leading up to my date, I embraced the final hours of pregnancy- my heart smiled with every kick from my loved one as if he was saying, “I’ll see you soon mom!”. In the end, his method of getting here wasn’t important. What was important was that he gets here and that he is safe and healthy!
My next pregnancy will undoubtedly result in another scheduled c-section and I’m okay with that. It might not be the way God intended for ALL women, but it is the way that he intended for me.
Good luck and Congratulations Danielle! Sending you positive vibes for a healthy baby and speedy recovery!

I hope you find resources to make your Cesarean successful. I think when people are sad for you, they are just letting you know that they understand your history and how much you wanted a non-surgical birth and that they grieve that with you. I hope that is what they are doing, anyway. It is so sad to me that we, as women, can’t support each other unequivocally. I *don’t* know your full history, so who am I to say you did or didn’t try hard enough, look far enough, talk with the right midwife? Who am I to judge your decisions?
As a pregnant mama also due in May (yay!!!) hoping for a VBAC, I can say I totally understand. There are many times I wish I was one of those uneducated women who would just schedule her Cesarean and go on with life. I grieved for my Cesarean with my first. I don’t know that it was necessary, I don’t know that it wouldn’t have been… my feeling is that it was unnecessary, and that is what upsets me more than anything, that now I’m having a hard time finding support to VBAC because some Dr. just wanted to get home and watch a rerun of Seinfeld (or whatever). Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck with your Cesarean, I hope your recovery is simple and you can get some things that you want. I hope you will be an inspiration to others, that just because it ends up in surgery, doesn’t mean it can’t be an amazing birth. I plan to talk to the OB that we’re parallel visiting to see if there’s anyway to delay cord clamping (lotus birth?) with a Cesarean, if it comes down to that. Hopefully it won’t matter because I’ll get my VBAC in the birthing center! :)

Hi Danielle!
I love your post here. As a doula, and prenatal and perinatal therapist, I commend you for your clarity and justified anger at those who offer pity. At the start of my career I may have even fallen into that camp, but have since learned that my job as an educator and supporter of women and babies is to educate and then support the educated decision.

I would love to be your doula! Since that won’t happen, let me offer some other info and support to help make this the most wonderful birth it can be for you and your baby. Have you read anything in the field of prenatal and perinatal psychology? The studies and research show that babies are aware and sentient at birth, and remember their birth. We can also help support them for birth by talking to them about it before hand. Babies DO UNDERSTAND what we tell them. To prepare your baby for this birth, make sure to talk to her about what will happen and why. Prepare her for the lights, the very fast transition (which can be so scary for a little one if not informed prior to the event). Even talk to her about the people wearing masks that will lift her (him?) out. Since a newborns brains are designed and set up to look at human features, those masks can be disorienting to see first thing. Reassure your baby that he/she is safe.

After the birth, consider getting infant massage for her…deep tissue (gente, baby-style) helps mimic the pressure of the contractions and birth canal that she isn’t going to be getting with the planned C-section. This pressure helps ignite neurons and kicks in some biological processes that your baby will need.

You sound like a great mama! Very loving, bonded and thoughtful. If my input here doesn’t resonate with you, then leave it here, your job as a mom is to find out all you can and pick what is best for you. As you so clearly know already.

Well done, Mama!

How wonderful you are choosing to be empowered by your birth even if it’s not the picture of childbearing you had in mind. To many people are brought down by the things in life that are necessary, and here you are taking the best interests of you and your family into mind and doing what works for you, instead of putting yourself through a whole ordeal that may(most likely?) just end in disappointment when you once again find yourself on the operating table. so many natural birth advocates become just as bad as any other birth advocate, they feel that if you’re not having a natural childbirth you’re not as good as you should be, but not everyone can have one and I applaud you for taking your birthing experience into your own hands and using the control that you do have to make it the best experience possible!

Hi Danielle, I’ve followed your story somewhat. I’m not trying to question your experiences or what was in your chart. Presuming all assumptions are accurate and C-sec is the healthiest option for you and baby, have you given consideration to waiting until labor begins before going in for the C-section? I have read moms’ C-sec birth stories where they describe the control factor of having the OB of their choice and the “empowering” feelings of “control,” but is “control” worth the risks of letting baby choose his/her birthday? Some OBs will promise to be on call for certain clients with special circumstances; perhaps the OB who has agreed to help you with a more positive cesarean birth plan would be understanding enough to agree to be on call for you. As a CBE, I’m sure you’re aware of the risks of iatrogenic prematurity (even at 37, 38, 39 weeks or more). Could waiting on labor before going in for a C-sec be compatible with your cesarean birth plan?

Wow!! you are amazing!! I am so impressed with the way you are handling this – I never considered being positive with a c-section, It never occured to me to be impowered – but the tone of your post is so empowering! you are going to have an amazing birth because you are an amazing woman. I admire the way you are choosing, and staying strong and making the choice to have an amazing birth – in a way I never knew was possible. I think If I ever have a c-section your post will help me not feel like I was giving up but instead see all the possibilities. THankyou!

Danielle, thank you for your story. Reading it, was like reading my very own. My first was induced for a true medical emergency (people on here like to think all induction is a “perceived” medical threat and fail to give acknowledgement that many of us KNOW medicine ourselves and do not just rely on Dr. interpretation.) My second was a failed VBAC after both the baby and I started crashing. With my third, I was faced with the same decision and after months of trying to make a VBA2C work, I had to deal with the fact it would not. Like you, I took control of my last C-section and wrote a birthing plan. It was the most peaceful, successful birth. With me behind the reigns, my hospital stay was shorter, my recovery was quicker and the bonding between me and my girl started much sooner. It is quite possible to still be in control over a situation where lack of control is perceived. Thank you for speaking out for not only yourself, but for hundreds of women that have similar stories! Congratulations and praying for the peaceful section you are planning <3

Hi Danielle. I hope you have a wonderful birth this 3rd time around. I think it is a frustrating and sad dilemma that we find ourselves in. As a natural childbirth teacher, we see so many women have the power stripped from them in their birth and you want to protect and inform the rest. One knows the stats are in favor of natural birth; however, one also knows that there are a few powerful reasons for a medical birth.

While speaking to a woman who had had 3 c-sections and was pregnant with her 4th in a different city this time and wanting to know her options, I asked her the circumstances of her previous 3 births. It turned out that it was failure to progress all 3 times. I asked her if she had had cryosurgery on her cervix. She had. No one told her that they would need to break up the scar tissue on her cervix so she could dilate. She was stunned. Everyone knew she wanted a natural birth, but no one had mentioned this to her. I haven’t yet heard what happened with her 4th birth, but I hope it was healing and positive.

The last thing any mother needs is a guilt trip. We desperately need support. I think the best thing we can do is to find like-minded people to confide in and get help from; otherwise, it’s frustrating for everyone, and can be potentially damaging for the new mother. I know at the end of every pregnancy, I purposely shut myself off from any negativity about birth. I’m a birth hermit. It’s my kind of “lying in” or “confinement,” except I’m still active and it happens before the birth. :)

All the best to you!
B

I read your story when you first announced you were pregnant and have been following your journey. I want to say now what I thought then – I am so proud of you! At the end of the day, you made a decision based on the facts of your situation and of your own power. I was and still am inspired. This is what I hope for all women and I hope other birthworkers can learn to feel the same. I said a few weeks ago, “let’s cling less to our ideologies and more to each other.” I think it fits this situation. There is too much in this world that separates us. Isn’t this what we are fighting for, our birth our way? Any, I am very excited to see how it all works out. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

One of the things you might find helpful is to learn hypnobabies if you don’t already know it. There is going to be tumult of emotions that are going to come up as your baby’s birthday approaches not to mention the birth itself. I have had several friends use the hypnobabies techniques to help with the whole variety of things that go into a C. Cause let’s face it, getting to the hospital at that hour, IVCs, epidurals, prep are all a little stress inducing. The women who did hypnobabies told me that their vitals were very stable during the whole procedure and that it helped in recovery as well.

And don’t forget skin to skin ASAP. First on the hubby/partner while they sew you up, then on you! You can still keep your baby warmer than a heat lamp! Go Momma!

Hi Danielle, thanks for taking the time to answer my question.That sounds reasonable, considering your circumstances. If that’s what you’re hoping for, then I’ll hope right along with you that you’ll go into labor on your own before that 39 w 2 day time. Best wishes, and I hope you’ll share your birth story with your readers after a beautiful & lengthy babymoon.

Good for you Danielle! You embody an informed, confident, empowered mama. Everyone’s journey is different. No one has to right to judge one’s journey or one’s choice. I applaud you and your confidence and support you 100%! Enjoy your birth and your birth experience…. every mother deserves that.

Just wanted to add….in my experience anyway, the medical approach and the homebirthing approach have become completely polarised. In being anti each other or however you want to put it, they’ve pushed themselves further and further into the pendulum swing of their polarity, that there’s a whole, huge, gray area inbetween that isn’t either completely, and where a lot of us women and our experiences fall!!!! And for us women in that grey area, we can often feel isolated and lonely, and like no-one wants to really hear about or talk about our experiences, because it wasn’t a ‘pure’ homebirth, or wasn’t a ‘pure’ hospital birth…… Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all take the politics and the ‘shoulds’ out of it all, and celebrate each other and the multiverse of possibilities that birth can be…. Just my opinion:)

Hi Danielle! Your story is very similar to mine. My most recent birth was a planned HBA3C, turned planned c-section for my large, breech baby. My biggest piece of advice and encouragement is to write a birth plan for a family centered cesaerean and talk it over with your providers, nurses, surgical staff, and anesthesiologist beforehand. I would love to send you a copy of mine if you are interested.

My hospital was fabulous and bent over backwards to give me everything I wanted, from seeing my baby being born, to nursing in the first hour of birth, to being “drug-free” (no narcs in the spinal), to having my husband present from start to finish (he walked me into the OR and never left my side), to no suctioning or bathing etc… You never know what they will allow unless you ask. It was truly a beautiful birth for me, albeit not under ideal circumstances. I am sure yours will be as well!

Here is a link to my birth story on my blog with some background info as to how I got to the decision making point. I hope it does encourage you. I wish you well.

http://theepsteenchronicles.blogspot.com/2010/07/by-request.html

I came across this because my friend posted it in Facebook. Sometimes those communities that are supposedly in force to “support” others end up as nothing more than a judgement-fest! I have 3 kids all delivered vaginally – and let me tell you – not everyone gets a rush of euphoric empowerment. Sometimes you suffer from extreme fatigue and crushing depression despite a vaginal birth. I have a friend who has had a couple vaginal births and a couple of c-sections and you know what? She much prefers her c-sections. Let me join in with tens of thousands of other women who say – it is OKAY. you have educated yourself and you are doing your best to have a healthy delivery. You can and will still have joy! This does not define you, your child or your ability to mother. Motherhood is made up of much more than your birth experience. You will do wonderfully! Enjoy the BABY! … just remember we all have different views of the world, different experiences, different circumstances … We are all different. We really can’t compare ourselves to others or judge others – when we do that we lose. One of my favorite books of all time are “MotherStyles” it is an uplifting reminder of what your patenting strengths are and to not compare yourself to others. And if you have any postpartum depression this time around check out two things that have been lifesavers for me: Natural Progesterone, & the book/DVD “Gut and Pyschology Syndrome”. Absolute lifesaving Godsends. Many blessings and best wishes!!

Danielle, thank you for writing this. While I am a huge advocate for natural birth and was able to have my son without drugs, it is nice to read your viewpoint and that you stand up for your decision. I believe in listening to your instincts and doing what is right for you and your family. And I commend you for doing a lot of research — sadly, so many women don’t educate themselves about what happens during birth so they can make educated decision and then they end up feeling terribly about their birth experience.

Vaginal birth is preferable, but if that is not what ends up happening I think it is very important for women to make peace with their birth story. So many women feel bad for giving birth by C-section, and your post will help many to feel better about it.

And it would be nice if we as women could just remember that we all want the best for our children and to support each other, even though we might not all do things the same way.

Best,
Dagmar
Dagmar’s momsense

Danielle – you have my support. Sending prayers and strength your way!! Blessings. OM

This blog is summed up so nicely the problems with the fringe natural childbirth movement. Even from reading some of the response posts in here you can see how completely unsupportive and obnoxious they sound (going back to dissect the first birth because obviously the evil cascade of interventions is completely responsible for this csection !) They don’t want to support a woman unless they do what THEY think is best. And I agree I’m sick of hearing all the negative csection comments myself. Do I care what you think? no! go birth in the woods and leave me in the hands of competent doctors, midwives, and doulas who have medical training and experience. I don’t care to hear your internet research or stories of how women have been having kids for thousands of years. Nothing drives me more mad than fringe natural birthers who like to put down women because they are not “informed” enough. Please inform yourself and leave the rest of us alone!
What would be nice is people who support women how they want to birth– unmedicated, with an epidural, with a csection, in a hospital, birthing center, at home, what name you, without all the judgment. Just because you have a csection doesn’t make you compliant with the doctors who want to go on vacation early, or whatever the latest rumor is.

Well I think it’s amazing what your doing really. I believe that for whatever reason you had to get the c-section in the first place would have been scary. My mother had to have 4 all together I know it’s not an easy decision. The only thing that really sucks about it is that you had to have one in the first place. Honestly I don’t think it matters how you have your baby as long as you and your baby are safe and healthy. Any person that questions your choice need to put themselves in your shoes and ask themselves honestly what they would do. I hope that you are able to be as prepared as possible for it.