Being Pregnant
Choosing A C-section: My Fear, My Anger, My acceptance, My Empowerment
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It started as a quest to find a provider who would simply take me on for a trail of labor after already having two cesarean section deliveries. I wanted to avoid another cesarean at all costs because of my recovery, and experience with my births.
After finding a provider, reading all of the studies, checking the information out, going over my patient file, surgical reports, and learning virtually everything I could possibly as an educated consumer in my own health care. I came to a heartbreaking decision recently.
With the help of my husband, and my midwife who attended my second birth, a 26 hour VBAC attempt which ended in a second cesarean for a plethora of reasons… I decided a third c-section would be not only the safest option for me given my history, but the safest option for my child.
Something I have been seeking since I learned I was pregnant with our third, and very unexpected child. This pregnancy has surprised me repeatedly. If you told me two years ago, I would some day opt for a scheduled cesarean (which I am still against for elective reasons) I would have probably told you, that you were crazy.
The people I spoke with about this choice were people I trusted, and felt comfortable with. I knew I could take their word as gold and would not be fed the typical medical opinion filled with fear and liability of something going wrong. A midwife with one of the lowest cesarean rates in my area, who has signed up to be my doula for the birth, and postpartum period. She sat with me through my second cesarean holding my other hand that my husband didnt have and took pictures of our son. She walked me through the procedure, what they were doing, and make it as positive as it could be under the circumstances. Making something positive, out of a failure.
Over the next couple months I will be working on a positive cesarean birth plan, which I will share with other women who may be in the same situation I am in. I want women to be able to be empowered by their birth experience, and empowered by making their own choices in their care like I am.
Am I dreading the recovery? Yes, I am scared to death.
After my first c-section, I had a newborn I was able to lay and rest with all day. Breastfeed in my bed, and change his diaper right there also.
With my second c-section, my husband was home and able to help me through my recovery. I laid in bed for weeks, not only in pain, but an emotional wreck from a failed VBAC.
This time around, I will have a 3 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn to take care of after the surgery with little help. It is scary!
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25 Comments
AQ commented on Oct 20 10 at 10:37 am“(which I am still against for elective reasons)”: this quote speaks volumes about the media. I’m not sure there is a statistically significant number of women out there who just want to have surgery; I think this is an anti-woman myth. I had an “elective” c-section because I had a breech baby and I went home with a healthy baby girl. C-sec recoveries are definitely more difficult (I’ve given birth both ways), but cesarians are truly a blessing of modern society.
Good luck with your pregnancy and birth recovery.
Danielle625 commented on Oct 20 10 at 10:40 am@AQ, I would not consider a Breech Baby to be considered an “elective” cesarean delivery by any means. I am sure there are militant people out there that may feel that way, but I certainly don’t.
When I say “elective c-section” I mean no medical reason, or having a c-section just because a woman already had one for whatever reason, even if they are a great candidate for a VBAC which for most low risk pregnant women is the safest option.
C-Sections are certainly a blessing to our society, but not at the numbers that we are seeing them today unfortunately.
BethRD commented on Oct 20 10 at 10:57 amI had a c-section with my first because of failure to progress. I was disappointed and frustrated but didn’t feel forced into it in any way, my doctors were not at all eager for me to have surgery either but eventually we all had to accept that labor wasn’t working for me. With my second, I attempted a VBAC, wound up with a much more painful and difficult labor than with my first, and ended up with a second c-section anyway despite my efforts. If I were having a third, I would definitely go ahead and plan for surgery. This is all prefaced with a big fat ‘for me’: for me, with my history, knowing that I would be likely to end up on the operating table again, I’d rather a) avoid the day or two of painful, tiring, energy-sapping labor beforehand and b) I’d rather take some measure of control over the situation and know for sure how to prepare. I don’t think women should be encouraged to choose surgical delivery for reasons like the doctor thinking the baby is ‘big’, and they should be especially wary of surgery if it’s their first delivery because of the increased level of interventions they’ll have to have for subsequent deliveries, but c-sections do really have a place for some people, and I think I was one of them. I’m pretty OK with it.
Christina Hemming commented on Oct 20 10 at 12:32 pmI had an emergency c/s and it saved our lives. I discovered that there is very little recovery support for women, and so developed the c section recovery kit, a cotton binder with extra strap, so we can get out of bed and function. We also promote massage, and asking Dr questions, like are you going to sew 6 layers or 5, after cutting 6…staples or glue, when glue is better, do you use Vitagel to promote healing like they do for surgery for men? Women, get empowered with the Dr, whether you elect for a c/s or not, you will be feeling the pain. Come to our site and get more info- csectionrecoverykit.com
Thanks
Danielle625 commented on Oct 20 10 at 1:11 pm@Christina, In my recovery I have used the Earth Mama Angel Baby Cesarean Healing kit. It works wonders!
NavelgazingMidwife commented on Oct 21 10 at 10:31 amI often say: Sometimes, the most empowering thing a woman can do is schedule a cesarean. And that might *seem* for “frivolous” reasons to the listener/reader, but the ONLY person whose opinion really counts is the mom’s. If *she* feels the cesarean is necessary, then *she* made the right decision.
Our culture is totally into the You-Should-Do/Have Done-This/That with the like-I-did in parenthesis. It’ll be a happy day when women don’t feel they have to defend their birth choices… from homebirths to “elective” cesareans.
Education and knowledge is one thing; judging and punishing are another thing completely.
EB commented on Oct 21 10 at 1:12 pmI am not sure I understand your decision since you have not gone into detail here, but that is certainly your choice. Best to you.
Alison Reid commented on Oct 21 10 at 3:10 pmI am struggling with this very decision right now! To make it more interesting I myself am a nurse midwife. It would not be my third c-section, it would be my second. Why not try people ask? I had a terrifically horrible birth experience hurling my guts up with every single contraction (we figure a vasal vagal response of some sort) for 18 hours that didn’t care if I had meds on board or not…barf barf barf…to say the least I do not remember on single minute of my first c-section and nothing until we brought my sweet little man home. I know it is totally safe for me to do a VBAC but what about the emotional factor of not remembering a thing. I want to be present for this birth and am struggling with a decision. Glad you made a choice and are peaceful with it!
Danielle625 commented on Oct 21 10 at 3:22 pm@Alison, I had the same experience with all of my labors, and my cesareans. Something about the entire experience sent me into vomiting for hours. During labor, on the OR table, recovery room, etc.
When I got pregnant with my second son, I knew that VBAC was the path I knew I needed to try because it was the safest option for me at that point.
If I didn’t have two previous c-sections this time around, with underlying factors that made my two cesareans happen… I would be going for a VBAC this time around.
Good luck with your decision!
Hba3c commented on Oct 21 10 at 3:24 pmI just had a successful vbac after 2 c-sections (no vaginal births). It is possible:)
I am very passionate about the cesarean epidemic in this country… But ultimately I believe the most important thing is that the mother be truly informed and comfortable with their birthing choice, whatever it may be. Because if something does go wrong the last thing you need to be dealing with is guilt and regret.
My medical records may not have been the most favorable to many obs, but I was more than confident based on all of the research I have read. Unfortunatly in many cases our healthcare providers are the ones that need to be better informed about the stats.
Danielle625 commented on Oct 21 10 at 3:53 pmCongrats on your VBAC2C! I know it is possible, although with my history, I am not comfortable with that for myself. I am a huge advocate of VBAC and VBAMC, and have been an active part of The International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) since my oldest son was born via unnecessary c-section.
Stacey commented on Oct 21 10 at 7:55 pmDanielle,Sending you Congratulations and Strength with the rest of your pregnancy and upcoming Birth Day!
I support you fully and am so proud of your bravery to include us on your journey.
You wrote that you had “a 26 hour VBAC attempt which ended in a second cesarean for a plethora of reasons… I decided a third c-section would be not only the safest option for me given my history, but the safest option for my child.”
To me that says that your own personal medical situation going on and you decided along with your providers input – knowing you I am sure they are independent of each other and you definitely did not go to a place that BAN VBAC….so with your providers help and your extensive knowledge YOU DECIDED WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BODY! I have know you for so long as an activist for ICAN and your activism has helped so many get GOOD medical care and they were able to AVOID the first CUT and encourage otherwise healthy moms to VBAC.
You did not make this decision lightly, you have been on the fore front of fighting for ALL Pregnant womens rights to GOOD SAFE Medical CARE when women do end up in Surgery and when they just want to stay home and give birth, go to a birthing center or go to a hospital
- you know how much more dangerous C-sections can be – than a vaginal birth and that recovery is so much harder you shared how much pain you were in after the last surgery. May this be a different experience. Please know that you are loved and supported and that ICAN is here for those that need to for medical reasons have a surgical birth and that want to make sure that the hospitals that do them are using evidence based care and doing all that they can to prevent infection, blood clots and that they are conscious of assisting with immediate bonding of your baby, and Extra assistance with breastfeeding and that your words should be honored and if you say you need something or want someone in surgery with you that request is honored.
I do hope those reading your story about your decision understand that in NO WAY are you saying that the reason you are leaning towards a third – this time scheduled surgery is because you have other children to care for and it is the reason you are scheduling.
Sending you doula love and support from your NJ Activist Friend. You are empowered to do whatever it is you need to do for and with your body it is your right!
Naomi commented on Oct 25 10 at 12:39 amI just had my 2nd C section after a very long thoughtful decision making process. I was pushed in both directions for my entire pregnancy. Everyone said I was a great candidate for a VBAC and I felt a lot of pressure to try, but since my first son’s birth was so difficult and could have been tragic (he was born with knot in his cord and his initial APGAR was a 3), it felt right to go the surgical route. Even though I was really not looking forward to another surgery, I felt like the C was the safest option for me. While on the operating table, my OB told me she was really glad I chose to have one since my uterus was so thin she didn’t even need to cut it (making the possibility for rupture very very great). My recovery was very difficult, but I’m glad I didn’t have to go through another traumatic birth that took me years to get over.
Sarah commented on Oct 25 10 at 12:27 pmI don’t have a take on this, I just wanted to say congratulations on our pregnancy and wishing you all kinds of support for your little ones welcome to the world and your recovery. Seriously let me know how I could help as a randomn stranger over the Internet. Your articles had given me so much power in fighting for my VBAC. I can only imagine the positive impact you will have in creating a beautiful experience with this birth. Love & strength
Angie commented on Feb 28 11 at 11:38 amThank for this open dialogue. I’m expecting in May also and I’m still undecided about VBAC or C-Section. This is my second pregnancy. The first one ended up in an emergency c-section after being dialated to a 10 and 16 1/2 hours of labor. I still have gaps in my memory from the procedure and I woke up in recovery with a panic attack. My biggest fear now is the recovery time if I do another C-Section. My husband and I recently moved to another state for work and which leaves us without the family and friend support that I’ll be really needing if I go through another C-Section. Now I would have to do it on my own with a 2 year old at home. I have found a really great OB that can do either a VBAC or C-Section. She understands my fears (its great that she is a mother of 4). At this point, the deciding factor will be the size of the baby. Any advice on how to handle the aftercare of a c-section and be a mom would be great!
JennyA commented on Mar 15 11 at 9:21 amThe longer you stay in bed not moving around the more it hurts and the longer it take to heal. GET OUT OF BED ( this isn’t just directed at you Danielle) and start walking, preferably at the hospital. I KNOW what it’s like to be cut open from belly to pubic bone and have my organs moved around, it sucks ass big tme and when I woke in recovery I thought I was going to die LOL But the faster you get up and move the faster you will recover.. But the key to a faster recovery is to just suck it up and get out of bed and walk, walk, walk around the house. I had back surgery and they went thru my stomach and i was up and walking the next day and sent home after 2 days, I know it hurts, believe me i do but laying in bed will only make it worse, it really will. Good luck! I wish you only the very best.
LM269 commented on Jun 28 11 at 3:24 pmI am having a scheduled c-section with my first child because I have genital herpes. I know many, many women deliver healthy babies in spite of this, and even my OB encouraged me to do the same, but I am not willing to risk it. I could never live with myself if I were one of the few whose baby contracted it in the birth canal. My baby’s safety comes first, above all else. The only risk I see my baby encountering from an elective c-section (which is, as I understand it, usually a far better experience than having an emergency section) is the possibility of some fluid in her lungs that would have gotten squeezed out during delivery. This fluid is absorbed by her body in a few hours if it is present. The risk of her having long-lasting respiratory issues after a c-section are minimal to non-existent. The risk of her being cut during the procedure is also minimal to non-existent, given that my OB is highly trained and experienced, and I trust her completely. There are a wealth of risks to baby that could crop up during an attempt at vaginal birth even without the herpes issue, so in my opinion I am doing the most unselfish thing for my child, the delivery option that poses the least amount of risk to her. Am I disappointed about not delivering vaginally? Heck NO! It doesn’t matter to me how she gets here, just as long as she arrives safely.
Karli commented on Apr 17 12 at 7:20 amSo pleased that you’re comfortable with your choice. I am thrilled to this day that I had a C-sction for my first bub, the alternative would have meant her death. Hubby wasn’t keen on my trying VBAC for 2nd bub because of the risks that are associated with VBAC, especially as we were informed that the risks were greater with a gap of less than 2 years between bubs. Hubby supported me with what ever I wanted to do and the public hospital I gave birth in had a wonderful team of midwives (as well as great policies) that allowed for trial of labour. I got my VBAC and I’m thrilled but I would never have regretted a second c-section if that had been the outcome because I have a second beautiful bub.
I don’t understand the comments from Mums who feel ripped off when they have a c-section instead of a vaginal birth. Live, healthy, safe Mum and bub was all I ever cared about.
I wish you well and hope that your recover is textbook.
Corrine commented on Apr 18 12 at 4:42 pmCome on seriously? In the grand scheme of things, birthing process is such a small insignificant part of being a a good mum! I had a well thought out birth plan, ran it thru my gynae religiously, only for it to be thrown out of the window afer 3 failed inducements and ended in a csect! I didnt feel cheated and neither did my husband as he was looking forward to cutting the cord as we created in the end the loveliest baby girl. Baby doesnt care if mum suffered x number of hours or chose an elective csect one in 30 mins! All baby wants is love and be cared for unconditionally and not moan about not having their choice birthing experience!
By the way with my second, i went for elective csect and it was great as i had to think of childcare for my oldest when we were in the hospital…that to me was being a good parent. I dont need an awesome birth experience…it’s more impt to see the bigger picture. Good luck with number 3 xx
Bethany commented on Apr 23 12 at 5:07 pmI opted for a scheduled c-section for my first (and probably only) child due to severe arthritis in my hip. It took me eight months to make that decision, spending most of the last three months in constant pain and no meds. It was the second hardest decision I had to make with my beautiful daughter, born on Feb 29 (the date was not negotiable), the first being to not exclusively breastfeed due again to the arthritis, this time because of the meds. I feel for you. I am judged for my choice all the time: “You’re not even going to TRY?” “You will have less of a bond with her,” “You are really missing out,” were just some of the insensitive things said by people who haven’t BEEN there. One of those people was my mother, who had all three of her kids without so much as a tylenol for the pain. I don’t regret the decision; the recovery time for the c-section was much shorter and predictable than the recovery or lack thereof from further joint damage. But damnit if I don’t watch a woman in labor on TV or hear friends’ birth stories and not shed a tear for not being able to experience labor and delivery, for not being able to hold my beautiful girl right away (I saw a photo of her before I actually got to see her in person). I wish it were different, but in the end I have my baby girl and I can pick her up and WALK with her, something a scheduled c-section ensured me.
Monya commented on Apr 25 12 at 1:08 amWOW! I feel like for ONCE there is someone out there that understands me. We have an 18 month old & our 2nd is due any day now. My first delivery was nothing I would have dreamt of. Thankfully I have a kick ass Dr who knew how anti c/s I was. I really wanted to have this experience. For me it was a right of passage. Unfortunatly @ 41 wks I had a failed induction, Dr sent us home in hopes of going into labor, again trying to avoid a c/s. we waited till I was 42 wks, tried an induction again, broke my water this time & again nothing, I don’t even know what a contraction feels like. I ended up with a c/s. I knew we tried everything possible to kick start my labor just nothing worked. I never dialated past 1cm, never soften, baby never came into my pelvis. After 42.5 wks I gave birth to a very healthy boy. Everyone says “as long as everyone is healthy this is the only that matters” well easier said than done, for me at least. For months and months I felt so defeated like my body failed me. I was very upset & felt so disconnected from my new child.
This time around I would like to attempt a VBAC. Again my kick ass Dr is all for it. My only issue is I need to go into labor on my own. Here I am again at 39 wks & nothing is happening again. No dialation
Monya commented on Apr 25 12 at 1:16 amOps hit submit by accident…
Now I find myself in the same situation I was with my son. So I’m on the fence of moving forward with a scheduled c/s or waiting it out again in hopes of a miricle. For me I feel so odd picking a date to have a baby however am I just postponing a the inevitable? My husband backs any descion I make which is nice but it’s not an opinion. I’m trying to figure out a way to make this experience a better one and more empowering one for me. This will be our last child & therefore my last chance for a natural birth. I don’t want to experience that feeling of defeat & such sadness as I did with my son but I suppose mother nature always has the last word.
Jennifer commented on May 02 12 at 4:16 pmHi! I had 2 c-sections (2004 & 2007). They are painful and recovery is hard, but I kept my focus on my beautiful child and not the pain! And you have to walk every day as much as you can. It will get better, it does get easier and you will heal. Eat well, rest and walk and you will do great! I have a very tight bond with my children (both of whom were breast and bottle fed). I strongly believe you have to do what is best for your baby and your family. If that means a c-section that is what you do. Your body did not fail you because you could not have a baby vaginally…think of all the ways your body succeeded…getting pregnant, carrying a baby to term! These are huge accomplishments! We put too much effort on how the baby comes out! What about all those moms who adopt? Are they any less of a mother because they do not have a c-section scar? Nope! We, womem, are all in this together and need to support each other..whatever our decisions may be! Keep strong moms, don’t stress about the delivery…enjoy your last days of quiet before the baby!!!
Jennifer commented on May 02 12 at 4:16 pmHi! I had 2 c-sections (2004 & 2007). They are painful and recovery is hard, but I kept my focus on my beautiful child and not the pain! And you have to walk every day as much as you can. It will get better, it does get easier and you will heal. Eat well, rest and walk and you will do great! I have a very tight bond with my children (both of whom were breast and bottle fed). I strongly believe you have to do what is best for your baby and your family. If that means a c-section that is what you do. Your body did not fail you because you could not have a baby vaginally…think of all the ways your body succeeded…getting pregnant, carrying a baby to term! These are huge accomplishments! We put too much effort on how the baby comes out! What about all those moms who adopt? Are they any less of a mother because they do not have a c-section scar? Nope! We, womem, are all in this together and need to support each other..whatever our decisions may be! Keep strong moms, don’t stress about the delivery…enjoy your last days of quiet before the baby!!!
Joe commented on May 12 12 at 11:16 amI think you have thought about you options and are making the right choice for you. I am currently pregnant with my 4th child and I plan to have a planned section if don’t need an emergency one before.
My first birth was a lovely relaxed fast homebirth right up until the point that I realised that my baby was breech and my midwife hadn’t arrived (she came 30 minutes after we called her at 3 am when my contractions were 5 minutes apart) unfortunately Georgia started being born 20 minutes after we called her. Georgia became stuck by the head. My midwife was brilliant and got her out within 10 minutes of arriving. Unfortunately Georgia suffered from lack of oxygen and died at 1 day old.
So yes I feel a failure that I couldn’t birth my baby safely but I’m dammed if I’ll risk my baby for the sake of hoping to prove I am a natural mother.
Good luck for anyone due soon. I hope you get the birth you want but more so I hope you have a healthy baby as I know from bitter experience that principles are lovely when things go to plan. Xx
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