On Friday, I was invited to appear on the BBC Radio show “World Have Your Say”. The focus of the show was embryo freezing for “fertility preservation”. Gillian St. Lawrence and her husband have chosen to freeze five of their embryos, delaying parenthood until they feel they are financially ready to provide their future family with the flexibility and face time they feel a child deserves.

I was on as a representative of the blogosphere, as I’d written a prior post on the topic. When I originally read Gillian St. Lawrence’s story, I was intrigued, disturbed, and frankly a little concerned for the couple. They were taking such a mathematical approach to something inherently uncontrollable. Did talking to them face to face (or Skype to Skype, audio only) change my opinion about this controversial choice?

Yeah, and no. I was impressed with the degree to which the couple seemed to have thought the situation through. They were clearly not acting impulsively. It seems in fact like they are not really people who act impulsively. Ever. After hearing them talk for an hour, armed with explanations and quotes, meticulously articulating their motivations and justifications, I found myself getting a little woozy.

The show brought the human part of the dilemma into focus for me. These people were clearly pained, on some level, that they weren’t where they hoped they’d be at this point in their lives. They were also clearly committed to being the best possible parents they could be to a child they were already deeply invested in (emotionally, at least).

They were also self professed “analytical people”, “planners” who like to control what they can. Which came as little surprise both considering previous quotes and the issue itself.

For me it was never a question of whether or not this was a right or valid choice. I never really had a big moral problem with it.  My issue from the beginning was about what it said to parents about priorities. On the one hand I think this technology offers possibilities. On the other hand, I wonder what it says about compromise, and how it could affect the reality of making those compromises more feasible for women who do have to juggle children and careers. And I also wonder how this couple is going to make it through parenthood with this level of control freakage.

You can download a podcast of the show here.

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