Babys First Year Blog
Possible Formula Death, from the POV of a Formula Feeder.
While most of the coverage I have seen about the death of 10-day-old Avery Cornett has been respectful, I have seen some commentary that has made my blood boil. There is a group of women, I don’t even know what to call them, who are berating the mother of Avery for allowing her newborn son to be on formula. Obviously with sensationalized headlines making it seem as though both Wal-Mart and the makers of Enfamil formula are directly to blame for this tragedy, too many conclusions are being jumped into, onto and every other preposition possible.
A mother is without her baby.
A family is without their brother, son, nephew and grandson.
Believe me, now is not the time to be preaching about breast being best, because breast is not always an option, nor is breast best in every situation.
Believe me, I am your boobs’ biggest fan and no one wants a new mom to succeed at breastfeeding more than me. Not only is it free and super convenient, it’s pretty darn amazing. Your body making food to keep that little baby alive? Wondrous process breastfeeding is. I was never able to fill my baby’s belly with breastmilk, through some known issues and some great mystery, my breasts never stepped up to the task despite grand efforts.
Only very few people know why Avery was being fed formula, yet the assumption that some people are making is that his mom was lazy. I can assure you, bottle feeding does not a lazy life enable. Perhaps she had a really rough delivery, perhaps she was suffering from severe postpartum anxiety and depression, perhaps she was supplementing as she worked on her own milk supply, perhaps for any number of legitimate reasons she was simply unable to breastfeed. Regardless, I’d like to believe she was doing the absolute best she could with the situation she was in.
I can admit to making mistakes at 3 am when there’s two bottles, one new and one several hours old on the nightstand. I’ve caught myself the few times that it has happened but the truth is we all make mistakes as parents, and sometimes it’s not even our fault, things are just out of our control. Whatever happened to Avery, whether it was the formula, the cleanliness or something completely unrelated…it’s not anyone’s place to judge this mom. It’s our place to lend support to another mother who is experiencing quite possibly the worst sadness of her life.
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13 Comments
Alissa commented on Dec 22 11 at 11:07 pmWell said. My thoughts are with Avery’s mother and family. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child.
Candace commented on Dec 23 11 at 12:48 amOH, my heart breaks for that poor mother and family. :(
Koreen commented on Dec 23 11 at 4:03 amOh man… Not this breast vs. formula fight again? I’m so sick of it!!! After I squeezed my baby out of my vagina do you know what I realised? No matter what you do, being a parent is difficult so you have to make the best decision for you. You wanna feed formula? Do it! Breast is for you? Do it! Wanna have a c-section? Make your appointment. After delivery you get so fragile that one minute you are high happy and the next terribly depressed.
The real issue here is that a mummy lost her precious baby which is something we work to prevent every single day of our lives. One of our sisters has lost her brand new baby. Put on her shoes and see how your toes feel.
Melanie commented on Dec 23 11 at 4:45 amWell said! And thank you koreen, I couldn’t agree more with y’all. Only wish more were able to be less judgemental and more supportive of fellow parents…
Brooke commented on Dec 23 11 at 6:34 amI’m with Koreen on this one. Let’s just all learn to love and respect each other as mamas and women.
Ami commented on Dec 23 11 at 10:27 amThank you for this article and for reminding us of what is truly important (and what is not.)
SJP commented on Dec 23 11 at 10:35 amVery well said and I couldn’t agree more! Formula vs. Breast and all the overlaps in between are just one of thousands of chioces we make as parents. It bothers me when people judge a mother based on this one choice.
Terry Elisabeth commented on Dec 23 11 at 4:50 pmWell said ! people are so quick to judge.
Lisa commented on Dec 23 11 at 10:38 pmFirst, my prayers & deepest of sympathy to the Mother/Family referenced – absolutely every parents worst nightmare. I pray for God’s loving, comforting arms… it is beyond my comprehension… Secondly, its very nice to see everyone rallying to her defense, however… I’d like to challenge ALL women, for the ENTIRETY of 2012, to BE PRO-WOMAN/WOMEN. What I mean is… we have fought for decades!/centuries! for RIGHTS (not to be property of our fathers/husbands, or slaves; the right to vote, (not a history lesson, just a point!) etc etc HOWEVER… We remain our own worst enemies by fighting EACH OTHER! – WORK: stay-at-home vs career/out of home; AT HOME: Breast vs bottle; those who cook/bake vs those who dont; EDUCATION: public vs home school; Active in the classroom: Volunteer/Room Moms, PTA, Field Trips vs those who aren’t; EVEN church nurseries: those who use & serve vs those who use & don’t serve… I could go on ALL NITE! My point IS – WE MUST LIFT EACH OTHER UP! This is when, historically, we have made HUGE strides! What’s our cause this go-around? other up, show grace, love, encouragement, of babies
Sharlisa commented on Dec 24 11 at 12:35 amI wish people would lay off on the formula vs breast.. I had my daughter in Feb and wanted to breast fed but due to pcos and tubular far apart breast i didn’t have the milk supply and dried up in two weeks. I pumped every hour on the hour from 8 am till 11 pm and it just didn’t work. I had family members look down on me when they found out i was formula feeding without knowing why. People need to take that into consideration. Its a sad say when a mothers group looks down on another mom when she lost her child. They need to think about how it would feel if it was them and show some common courtesy that so many are lacking now a days.
Jbj commented on Dec 24 11 at 5:18 amBrava! Our hearts should ache for this Mama. Extreme anything is never good, and these extreme lactivists need to see the real issue- a child has died. For that we mourn, not judge. Being a mama made me realize how wrong I ever was when I said I won’t…, you do what’s best for your child. Sometimes that means doing things you never thought you would, including formula because otherwise your child would starve.
Fearless Formula Feeder commented on Dec 26 11 at 5:58 pmThank you for this. And I think that some good can come out of this tragedy, if people can stop beating this tired horse and realize that this has nothing to do with breast vs bottle, and everything to do with “bottle feeders need more support and education and research”. For example, many parents are not instructed on proper formula handling, mixing, etc. It’s utter stupidity that the authorities insist on sticking their heads in the hand and think that keeping vital info from parents will make them breastfeed. I’ve been trying to change the slant of my blog a little to include these things, because I’m worried that formula feeders are being left to their own devices, and in the depths of new parenthood, that is no way to be.
Avery’s death is a tragedy, full stop. But also, I think it’s natural for people to panic when they hear stories like this, and want answers or reassurance that it can’t happen to them. I just hope that we can all approach this matter with compassion, common sense, and respect. So far, my hopes have pretty much been dashed…. seeing this really helped. Thanks again.
Rebekah commented on Dec 30 11 at 10:54 amI cannot for the life of me understand how one mother can judge another. Even in the best of circumstances, being a momma is hard, and I don’t understand how anyone can forget that. Not to mention, this is the WORST thing I can imagine happening (and believe me, I imagine it)…it is beyond despicable that people would sensationalize this and use this tragedy as a way to get on their soapbox. Poor taste, boob-nazis. Poor taste.
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