Babys First Year Blog
Suze Orman Should Stick to Financial Planning, Not Family Planning
Having kids is very personal business. If you want kids you had better be ready to sacrifice an awful lot, unless you have money coming out your ears, having kids (especially your first) is going to change just about everything. When I saw a link to this post about Suze Orman telling a young couple that their second baby would end up costing them $700-$1000 a month with “diapers and this and that” I was curious as to how Suze Orman counsels couples on family planning.
Turns out she’s not very good at it.
Forget the fact that she said babies cost an extra $700-$1000 a month, the original post that led me to this covered that just fine (although I will say that a second baby in cloth diapers, eating homemade baby food AND on formula costs us maybe $150 a month. If my boobs worked? I’d really only have to pay for laundry soap and well baby visits.)
What bothers me is that Suze convinced this mother that her first child (17 months) is just fine without her around, which I’m sure he is, but she didn’t validate the desire of this working mom to become a stay-at-home mom. While being a working mom is hard, being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for sissies, either. Hell, motherhood isn’t for sissies. If a mom wants to be with her kid, a mom wants to be with her kid.
The couple works opposite shifts. Cody and I have done that with and without a child and it wreaks havoc on a marriage — and when a marriage is off? Parenting is off as well. Suze convinced the couple that the wife needed to continue working full time and the father continue working full time on an opposite shift as well. “You’re young! Why do you feel like you need to have a child right now?” was one of her comments.
Some people like their kids close together. Some people don’t get pregnant very easily. Some people don’t stay pregnant very well. Some people can’t get pregnant again at all. Being young doesn’t qualify you to easy fertility (says the girl who took 6 years to get pregnant the second time).
I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the couple’s expenses, how they outlive their salary each month. Seems like that is what Suze needed to be counseling them on, not their family planning.
Suze and her parenting advice aside, I wanted nothing more than to stay home with Addie after she was born. We made dramatic sacrifices to make this a possibility. We moved from a large two-bedroom apartment to a tiny one-bedroom when I was seven months pregnant. We lived with in-laws as we prepared to move across the country for law school. We lived in a sketchy apartment through graduate school. We don’t take trips. We have a very modest home. We don’t eat out much. We don’t have amazing cars or amazing furniture.
We have amazing kids and a good marriage; those are what’s most important to us.
I realize every situation is different, but sacrifices can be made if a family is what you really want, and I can speak from experience that a family is one of the greatest things to sacrifice for. A majority of mothers who work outside the home, including the one in the video cannot simply quit their jobs to become a stay-at-home mom, but if that is the ultimate goal? It is worth working towards that goal. It may take several years, a dramatic change in lifestyle, finding a job that can be done from home, moving to Indiana or even some luck. It’s not easy, but it is attainable.
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17 Comments
Jill @BabyRabies commented on Dec 08 11 at 10:56 am$700 a month on your 2nd born??? Obviously I’m grossly neglecting mine. I agree. While I know not everyone can or wants to just make sacrifices to have one parent stay home, I’m in the camp that my children are only this small once, and if it means we retire with less money or we retire later, or we don’t have as nice of things, or we live in a boring suburb in Texas near no Trader Joes, I’m game.
Jenni Williams commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:01 amWhat the what???? My FOURTH baby costs us about $20 a month. Literally. She is in cloth diapers and breast feeds. When she is ready for food, it will be home made. Her clothes are mostly hand me downs, which I pass along when she out grows. Suze needs to keep to what she knows. We might be driving an 01 van, living in a 1300sq ft house, and sitting on 10 yo couches, but we are happily married and have 4 amazing kids!
Sherry Carr-Smith commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:09 amI was *wondering* where all my money has been going. Also? I hope this couple took Suze’s advice with a grain of salt.
Candace commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:20 amHere, here!
StateofKate commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:26 amIf you decide to stay home with your second and leave your job, you lose income. If you keep working, you pay that much for child care. That’s probably where she’s coming up with that number. If you weren’t working because you were home with your first, you’ve lost income. It’s just numbers–matters of the heart are entirely incalculable, of course.
Nichole commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:27 am“We have amazing kids and a good marriage; those are what’s most important to us.” <—— Me too. One of the many reasons I love you, Casey. :)
Krista commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:30 amAy yi yi! My second doesn’t cost even close to that much and he eats more than his older brother! If I cut my food bill in quarters I think he “might” cost us $100-$150 a month because he also needs a few new clothes here and there and disposable diapers at night. Sheesh!
I wonder what she would say if she found out we were having twins…
MadelinePetersen commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:41 amThat is absurd. Babies in daycare might cost that much. But if you are home with your kids, even with diapers, there is no way it could add up to that much! Does Suze Orman even have kids?
evonne commented on Dec 08 11 at 11:45 amA baby in no way costs that much a month. Even my 7 year old who is in after school activities doesn’t cost that much. That is crazy talk.
Bre commented on Dec 08 11 at 12:16 pmMy baby costs:
$240 a week for daycare ($960)
$35 a month for diapers
$50 a month for homemade baby food
I pump/breastfeed so no monthly cost associated with that (the “start up” cost was about $200 for the pump & bottles and such)
$100 for extras (I buy way too much clothes & baby stuff)I can see where she got the numbers, but I don’t see where she gets off making judgements about how old the couple is (for the reasons you listed) or pushing a mom to do something she doesn’t want to do. I work outside of the home and have my son in a great daycare facility. My marriage and family are happy and we are able to live within our means with some pretty awesome ‘stuff’
Bottom line – just as you wrote “sacrifices can be made if family is what you really want” – the message from Suze should have been that if you want to stay home you will need to make xyz sacrifice. It would have been more helpful to the couple and the readers if she provided ways in which a family can downsize in order to be happy. Being a mom should be enjoyable, not a prison sentence.
KatieLady07 commented on Dec 08 11 at 2:10 pmI completly agree….becomng a mother has much more involved than just finances. I became a mother at 21, when i found out i was pregnant i was single, unemployed and living with my parents. By the time my little bundle of joy was born. I loved in a small but cozy 2 bedroom home work my BUTT off every minute i was pregnant to provide for her and i have managed just fine since then. ( with occasional help from parents/ grandparents in buying a new car etc. bc of my poor credit) And i know sometimes a couple having a baby can bring them even CLOSER and complete their family. Life isn’t always in terms of dollar signs. Its about much more than that. I am a struggling single mother. But I am HAPPIER than i have ever been, and my children have EVERYTHING they need and more. Once you fall in love with that baby inside you…sacrificing all those not-much-important things ( getting hair and nails done, buying designer purses, eating out, nights out with friends and shopping) is easy!
Darlene L commented on Dec 08 11 at 2:18 pmI can see if the child goes to daycare it would definitely be 700 dollars a month (actually where I live daycare for an infant would be at LEAST 1200) so maybe between average those that go to daycare having costs around 1400-1500 a month and those not in daycare 300-400 she came up with 700. I can definitely see it. But regardless, if you want more kids, I don’t think money should be a factor, as long as you can take care of them. But I guess I’m one of those that does believe you shouldn’t keep having kids if you can’t afford them. Like kids in my sons preschool that show up with out a winter coat (we live in CO and it’s been 5 degrees this week) and I see their mom pregnant again, that I don’t personally understand, but it’s all up to the family to decide!
lauren commented on Dec 08 11 at 2:52 pmWell somehow my husband and I can afford to raise a second baby just fine without spending 700+ dollars on him. Guess by Suze’s standards we’re bad parents or something. There are all kinds of things you can do to cut costs on raising a child now more than ever! I don’t think anyone is ever ready for another baby but you make adjustments and live by them. Hopefully they only took her advise as one suggestion and not the deciding factor. When building a family you have to look at the whole picture rather than just the right now and I think that’s what Suze truly forget to factor in here.
Jeff C. commented on Dec 08 11 at 4:18 pmI think that the BIGGER point that is missed in this article is that Suze isn’t even licensed or registered for FINANCIAL ADVICE! She gets away with talking and writing about finances from a “common-sense” perspective and a disclosure that you should consult your own financial advisor before implementing her advice…but she spews this garbage that just makes my gut wrench! With friends that have gone through multiple IVF to have a child, others that had a spouse killed in accidents before they could get pregnant, other co-workers that quit working to save on the daycare expenses…it’s about what the family wants, not what Suze says the family should have! RIDICULOUS!!! This is why people should IGNORE her…obviously not a counselor…obviously not really planning any finances either!
Jbj commented on Dec 12 11 at 6:40 amI am not sure Suzy would say one is neglecting their child by not spending that- perhaps she’s reflecting on her area and what things cost there. Btw, I cloth and mostly breast feed (supply issues). With our care situation, we are well over the numbers Suzy stated. We also have a great child and marriage and are working for a great education for our daughter. Let’s not turn this into a working vs stay at home fued. We all work hard for our kids regardless of where that work is located.
Tina A. commented on Dec 16 11 at 4:26 pmmaybe Suze is counting college savings, which should be several hundred dollars a month from the time the baby is born
rbuech commented on Dec 19 11 at 10:06 pmAfter hearing all of my life how a baby is so expensive I was surprised to find that it wasn’t as bad as I thought since we used cloth diapers, breastfeed and made a lot of my own food.
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