Babys First Year Blog
Breastfeeding: My Good Thing Amidst Many Challenges
I've found so much comfort in the act of breastfeeding my son.
I’ve shared some of Arlo’s health issues here on Baby’s First Year, but I haven’t discussed others. I’ve talked about our struggles with his reflux (which thankfully he has all but grown out of ) and of course, his ocular albinism diagnosis — but along with these things, he has also had some smaller issues — a heart murmur which may require a minor surgery to repair, another issue with his groin that can also be fixed with surgery, and more recently, his pediatrician diagnosed him with a common skin rash called Keratosis Pilaris that requires daily rub downs with organic moisturizing balm to keep it from flaring up (this is a small, cosmetic hindrance and is usually not uncomfortable)
Despite this list of ailments, Arlo is still a very healthy little boy. He isn’t sickly or fragile and you certainly wouldn’t know by looking at him that he has any challenges at all. There are days when all of these small issues start to feel heavy and I find myself comparing him to other babies and think “Why is it that my sweet boy has to deal with these things?” Other times, I read heartbreaking accounts from parents whose children suffer with life-threatening or debilitating ailments or from those who have lost a child and I am reminded that Arlo’s challenges are so minor and we are blessed-beyond-blessed that he is as healthy as he is.
With all of the tests and doctor’s appointments and looming therapies and surgeries, I’ve needed something to hold on to…something that helps me feel in control of my son’s health and that thing for me has become breastfeeding.
My daughter got her first bottle of formula at three-months-old. She was completely done breastfeeding by four and a half months. My hectic work and travel schedule made it increasingly challenging and instead of fighting for it, I just threw in the towel. Making that decision is not something I regret, it’s just something I wish I had tried harder to maintain. Looking back on it, most of my decision to stop was equal parts inexperience and frustration.
When I was pregnant with Arlo, I knew I wanted to try and nurse him longer, so I gave myself a goal of six months — if I could breastfeed him (even if it was just a time or two each day) until he was six-months-old, I would feel as if I had been more successful. After he was born, the number of challenges, large and small that he had to face began to grow and suddenly I found myself absolutely determined to breastfeed — no matter what — only breast milk with no supplementing until he was six-months-old.
Often it has felt as if breastfeeding was the one thing (the only thing) that I could do for him, that no one else could. I couldn’t fix his eyes, or his heart or his body — but I could most certainly give him breast milk. And even when it has has been inconvenient or uncomfortable or pumping has felt isolating — it has been the thing I have clung to, to make me feel like I am physically doing something for his benefit.
Eventually, his small issues will be fixed (either on their own or with surgery) and we’ll have a more comprehensive plan for aiding him with his vision impairment – but right now, whenever I am feeling a little overwhelmed or heavy over the challenges faced by my little boy, I can pick him up, hold him against my skin, let him nurse and enjoy the quiet moment spent doing the one thing that only his mama can do. It’s a powerful and comforting thing.
Love,
M
Note: I always struggle to write pieces like this as I worry it might offend a formula-feeding mama. I just want to take a minute to say that I support the feeding of all babies, in whatever way is necessary for your family. I’ve got a super healthy, smart-as-a-whip toddler thanks to formula — so this piece isn’t meant to bash formula fed babies. I just feel really fortunate and blessed to be able to breastfeed my son, I know everyone doesn’t get that opportunity. It has proven to be a source of peace for me as we learn to roll with the unexpected challenges in raising our son.
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19 Comments
Emily commented on Oct 31 11 at 4:18 pmNicely written Melissa :-) and you should be rest assured that you are most definitely giving your sweet boy more than just breastmilk – I can tell that you and your husband give those beautiful babies more love than they can possibly imagine and that’s also very important!
Anna commented on Oct 31 11 at 4:40 pmSo happy that the nursing has been good for you and Arlo, and congratulations on reaching your goal!
My midwife called breastfeeding “the most selfless kind of love”. Thanks for sharing your story with us, and for affirming the value of this kind of love.
xo, Anna
Charlotte commented on Oct 31 11 at 4:44 pmThis was such a lovely little story. I breastfed my son until he was 19 months old because he never accepted formula. I feel proud of the fact that I continued breastfeeding after returning to work and through all those sleepless nights, but, like you, I feel uncomfortable when I mention it to other mums, as though they will think I’m bragging.
Blue Skies,
Charlotte xo
Faith Walker (real name) commented on Oct 31 11 at 5:56 pmHiya honey, I’ve been reading your blog since you were pregnant with Arlo and I followed a link over here…this is the first I’ve read of your son’s skin condition
Just wanted to let you know, my son has keratosis pilaris (a genetic gift from his father) as well and the things that have worked for us are long warm baths (opens the hair folicles), scrubby gloves, and emu balm (though any non-comedogenic lotion would probably work too, but I use what I make). His pediatrician told me it should resolved itself by the time he is 20 but as his father still has it, I’m not going to hold my breath. Thank goodness it is primarily an aesthetic issue.
Blessed Samhaim,
Faith
victory commented on Oct 31 11 at 6:19 pmhi melissa, thanks for writing. its really nice to read your stories. you are so real and inspirational. I breastfed until my son was eight months and was happy with my achievement as i got a lot of duct infections.
Kate commented on Oct 31 11 at 7:06 pmI knew breastfeeding was something I wanted to do but I never thought it would mean so much to me. Our son arrived 6 weeks early and spent his first 16 days in the NICU under the care of others who knew much more about his needs then his father or myself. I really felt my milk was the best, and at times, only thing I had to give him. As much as it pained me to head home from the hospital each night it felt so good to be able to leave a piece of me I knew he needed. Now that he is home I have found so much strength and comfort through breastfeeding. The double chin forming on my little one has been such a boost to my esteem in my role as his mother.
Erin commented on Oct 31 11 at 8:11 pmWhy do breastfeeders feel the need to add the disclaimer at the end or beginning of something like this?
Breastfeeding is incredible; in every way. Why must we apologize for this?
Are formula feeders really that sensitive? Do formula feeders add these little disclaimers? For whatever reason you are feeding your baby formula-OWN IT!
Jenny @ Practically Perfect... commented on Oct 31 11 at 9:13 pmI loved reading this :-) I’m so sorry to hear about your little boy’s health problems, but I think you’ve taken a positive approach by focusing on the things that you can control, like breastfeeding. It certainly can be a challenge at times, but its worth it in the end.
Rachel commented on Oct 31 11 at 10:13 pmmy babies were in the NICU for 79 and 81 days, and I started breastfeeding them at 34 weeks gestation (they were born at 27 weeks). When they lived at the hospital and I had to trust nurses to be their primary care-givers, that one time a day that I breastfed my boys meant the WORLD to me. It’s what got me through. To have that bond, that THING that I could do that no nurse could do. When they came home from the hospital they nursed once a day and took bottles for all other feeds. In less than a month we were totally nursing. I love it more than I can say. I’m so glad you have it, too.
Trina commented on Nov 01 11 at 12:57 amI loved this post up until the note.
Honestly, why are you apologizing for nursing your baby and liking it?
I see this all the time with mommy bloggers and it’s borderline ridiculous. Everyone treats formula feeders with kid gloves. If someone were to read of your beautiful experience, and make it about themselves and feel offended, it’s obviously their own issues – NOT Melissa’s.
Can’t a woman love breastfeeding AND share that without other moms feeling offended?! Give me a break.
Kristine commented on Nov 01 11 at 1:22 amYou are such a great mom! Enjoy every second of breast feeding! It was bitter sweet weaning my daughter at 15 months. I had the same experience with my first as you did with Everly. I am glad I stuck it out the second time around. And, I don’t thInk anyone could possibly take it as a bash. It is just about how you connect with Arlo!
melissaejordan commented on Nov 01 11 at 9:34 amErin and Trina – As I have been both a formula feeding mom and a breast feeding mom, I never felt disdain for other mom’s who breastfed longer than I did with my daughter – but often after I write posts about breastfeeding, I’ve received comments about how I am either insensitive to formula feeding moms or that they think I come off as sounding superior because I’ve been able to breastfeed my son.
As that is never my intention, I just wanted to clarify with the bottom note.
KatyKey commented on Nov 01 11 at 9:39 amHey Melissa. Love your blog and while I don’t have babies of my own, I do have KP. I was worse when I was a teen, but it has decreased as I entered my 20s. It still flares up on my arms sometimes, so I recently started using Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Bar Soap and have noticed a definite difference. You can buy the bars/the liquid soap at Target or just about any other health food store. I would definitely recommend it, but maybe try sparingly at first to see if Arlo likes it. And a major word to the wise, avoid around your/Everly’s ladybits unless you want it tingling down there…and not in the good way!
Linda commented on Nov 01 11 at 10:39 amI didn’t see your disclaimer as being apologetic for breastfeeding. You’re post obviously states how proud you are, and you very well should be.
It’s a huge accomplishment because it certainly doesn’t come easily to everyone. I know it didn’t for me, anyway. Sometimes moms really beat themselves up for things like that.So, with that said, I appreciate your thoughtfulness toward other moms who, due to health problems, lack of milk production, or simply by choice, don’t get to experience that opportunity.
Roxie commented on Nov 01 11 at 7:34 pmBe Blessed!! I love breastfeeding too!!
Lorelei commented on Nov 01 11 at 8:29 pmI agree! The moments I get to breastfeed my 11 month old are so precious and I feel so blessed to still be able to do so. I know breastfeeding is blessing my son as well. He is still eating at a time in his treatment when it is frankly shocking to his medical team. It has also allowed me to soothe him when he has had some breathing difficulties due to treatment. My first six months goal has been exceeded and I will keep going as long as possible.
Meghan commented on Nov 04 11 at 11:20 pmHi Melissa,
I just wanted to tell you that I recently read that you can use coconut oil for KP. I’ve been using it for my sons diaper rash and its just awesome. Its so moisturizing and smells so yummy. I purchased mine from Amazon, it it organic extra virgin and cold pressed. So basically the best you can get and it was under $7.00!
Roxanne commented on Nov 07 11 at 8:48 amI can empathize with your feeling overwhelmed. Both of my children have albinism and multiple issues too. I struggled with the breastfeeding and formula issues, as well as reflux. My children made me realize that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. My kids advocate is a pretty important role. My 2 kiddies amaze me every day. Your son is very blessed to have a mom who is so compassionate and strives to do the best for her child.
Ellen @ Black & White & Loved All Over commented on Nov 16 11 at 4:24 pmHey Melissa:
Beautiful post. And I’m so sorry about your struggles with Arlo.
I just wanted to say that, as a formula-feeding mom, I DID appreciate your note at the bottom. I had already gathered that you were not being judgmental or righteous at all but unlike some other commenters, I think it’s a good thing to clarify because moms can be so sensitive to any implication that they’re not doing their best with their little ones. And because other moms can just be plain mean. You are the opposite. My best to you and your family!
Also, I wrote a post about my feelings about “other mothers” that you might be interested in:
http://www.blackandwhiteandlovedallover.com/2011/09/other-mothers.html
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