Babys First Year Blog
On Not Having Post Partum Depression
To say I lived in fear of PPD would be an understatement. The possibility of going through PPD for a second time was almost reason enough for me to never get pregnant again. But I knew that no matter what happened, it was only temporary and that it could and would be treated. I am one of the “lucky” ones who not only went through PPD the first time around, I also suffered from antenatal depression, meaning while I was pregnant. I have a long and sordid history with mental illness but antenatal depression may just take the proverbial cake of misery and doom. Sure if you find a way to manage it or have your baby, you are still staring down the barrel of postpartum depression, an entirely different beast.
So when antenatal depression blindsided me again this time around, it was only made worse with the anxiety over the imminent arrival of postpartum depression.
Only, surprise! Postpartum depression never hit me.
Not one single bit. And you know why?
I have no idea.
Maybe it’s the medication I started during pregnancy, maybe it was because I prayed so much, maybe it’s because I had so many people praying for me, maybe it’s because I stuck with my breastfeeding attempt for so long, maybe it’s because my labor went so much better, maybe it’s because I’m older, maybe it’s because I did something wrong the first time, maybe it’s because I’m in such a better place in life or maybe it just plain old didn’t happen this time.
Regardless of the whys, I am thankful everyday that I am able to be fully present and involved in the lives of my girls and our life together as a family. I’m thankful I don’t have to walk through the dark, overwhelming cloud of depression this time around, yet I am still very mindful of my friends and those around me who weren’t so fortunate the second time around.
People told me that they didn’t experience PPD the second time around, however I just couldn’t believe them. I had to go for worst case scenario for my own twisted peace of mind. Prepare for the worst and be surprised when it isn’t as awful as you expected.
If you are going through PPD, or you question adding to your family for fear of PPD returning, I get you. I’ve been there. There is a certain empowerment that comes from knowing you survived once and you could survive again if you had to. There is also this silver lining that you could come out of this again unscathed and more thankful than ever to have a chemically balanced brain.
Whatever you’re going through or wherever you’re at…there are so many who have walked this road before you, or who are walking it now. I can promise you that you are not alone, and on that day when the fog clears and you’re once again the you that you remember being?
Everything becomes sweeter.
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11 Comments
Lauren commented on Oct 30 11 at 10:59 pmThat is great to hear, I had horrible ppd after my baby was born, I never want to go through that again! But now that I’m out of that dark cloud and love every minute with my baby I know I will go for it again, I hope to haveyour experience too!
Shannon commented on Oct 31 11 at 10:09 amThank you for writing this! It gives me so much hope for my next pregnancy. I had a terrible experience with postpartum OCD and even though my husband and I will be more vigilant next time, I would love to not suffer like that again.
grace commented on Oct 31 11 at 10:30 ambeautiful. so happy for you! i just had my 2nd a week ago so i’m most definitely in that waiting period, the doom in the back of my mind… will “it” come back? or will I be a lucky one this time around?
you give me hope!
Diana commented on Oct 31 11 at 11:48 amTHANK YOU for posting this. I had bad PPD after my first, and had to go back on medication for antenatal depression (didn’t realize it had a name) with my second (just finishing up second tri now, and been on antidepressants since I started second tri). I am hoping that the fact that we caught it and started treatment early in the pregnancy will lesson my chances of PPD the second time around. This gives me hope!
Di commented on Oct 31 11 at 12:12 pmI’m glad you didn’t have PPD the second time either. I had a similar story. PPD after the birth of my daughter. It went largely untreated, and I was miserable and afraid to leave my house for months until it broke. When I got pregnant the second time, I started to feel unstable so I got help.
Thankfully, once I gave birth to my younger child, it never came back.
Alisa Johnson - Postpartum Doula commented on Oct 31 11 at 1:17 pmThank you so much for sharing your experience. This provides great insight for others. And you give others hope. Warmest regards.
Katie commented on Oct 31 11 at 2:49 pmI had the WORST antenatal depression this time during the first tri and into the second. It was even worse than my PPD experience. And I did not expect it at all. I had thoughts and dispair and thisclosetodoingsomethinghorrible times that I didn’t think I would make it.
And now I am terrified of PPD again.
I read you here on on your blog and stalk you on the fb and the twitters because you give me hope.
every day.
Joules commented on Oct 31 11 at 3:21 pmEvery happy post you write makes me a little bit happier and I love you for it:)
Misty @ The Family Math commented on Oct 31 11 at 4:35 pmI hope like anything I won’t go through it the second time around, but you are right. I know I can survive it, because I AM surviving it. Glad you didn’t have to deal with it for a second time!
Gamanda @insertwitty commented on Oct 31 11 at 5:34 pmThank you for this. We are currently attempting round 1 of Clomid for baby #2. The threat of PPD a second time around scares me. I’m so glad to know that its possible to not have to suffer another time.
Beth Anne commented on Nov 01 11 at 9:19 amCasey, I just love you. Thank you for being such an inspiration.
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