Babys First Year Blog
Parenting Makes you Say the Funniest Things.
“It feels like…I’m growing bunny fur…on…my…chest…” Outside telling Cody it was time to go to the hospital until I said hi to my new baby this is really the only thing I remember saying. There’s video of me saying other things and there’s proof I said other things because somehow I registered at the hospital and I know Cody didn’t help because he doesn’t know my social security number and there’s times I’m not even sure he remembers the year I was born.
Parenting has made me say some very strange things. One of the more memorable recent comments to my six year old was “It’s very important to remember where you took off your pants.” Now that I have another little lady in my life I can only imagine the combination of words that will come forth out of my mouth in the coming years.
After a bit of a medical scare Vivi was diagnosed with an immature digestive system, which basically means she not very good at pooping. It doesn’t happen regularly and when it does…well, perhaps you’re familiar with the term “poonami?”
Because I am.
Vivi has to lose a good half pound every time she manages to squeak one out. (Seriously, there’s ACTUAL squeaking involved.) The most memorable “movement” of her life thus far was a 13 days after she was born. She hadn’t had a bowel movement since leaving the hospital and things were getting serious. X-rays were taken and appointments were made with pediatric gastroenterologists. Vivi’s bowels seemed to understand the gravity of the situation and managed to poop before we ever had to see any specialists.
I called my husband at work and shouted, “SHE POOOOOPED!!” Even Addie understood how important the poop was and praised her little sister for making such an enormous mess. That night at dinner Cody and I looked at each other from across the table and agreed that neither of us had ever prayed so hard in our entire lives, let alone for poop. Never had we been, nor ever will we be happier about poop in our entire lives. (And that’s saying a lot given pregnancy backs me up like a overturned semi on a one lane highway during rush hour.)
Since becoming a parent my husband has used the word potty in front of the partners of his firm and I have discussed the finer points of nasal suction with the drive thru teller at the bank and we’re only getting started, again.
So tell me, what are some of the more ridiculous things you’ve said since becoming a parent?
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15 Comments
[...] My first post is up at babble and you betcha I’m starting it off right with poop and pantsless kid talk! [...]
moosh in indy. » babbled-the weird things we say as parents. commented on Jul 01 11 at 12:06 pmMarta commented on Jul 01 11 at 12:23 pmI’m not even sure what the bunny fur comment could even mean!
I think any conversations about bodily functions and private parts go on my list of things I can’t believe I’ve said. My favorite thing that my son (4) has said was in reference to our dog, “Athens isn’t an adult so he doesn’t know he shouldn’t have his penis out.” It was hilarious. I’m sure at some point my husband or I said something similar to him.
Bridget commented on Jul 01 11 at 12:31 pmWhen my now 6 year old was about 2, I caught myself saying ,”Promise me that you’ll never suck the dog’s nipples again, ok?” I certainly never dreamed that I’d say that!
lceel commented on Jul 01 11 at 1:08 pmIs it raining in here?
Always COVER a boy’s winkie (that’s what you call it when they’re babies – it doesn’t become a wankie until they’re much older) with a cloth of some sort as you turn away to grab a diaper – because sure as shootin’, he’s faster than you are. And then it rains.
Stefanie commented on Jul 01 11 at 2:35 pmI have a boy and a girl, so seriously, I feel like I may never hold a normal conversation with another human again. My favorite statements from the last, oh, 12 or so hours include: “No, you cannot fly a kite in the house.” “Baby girl, you are leaking again from both ends.” “Son, you are not a lizard and therefore, cannot eat bugs like him. Please put the june bug down.”
That’s not including the things we sometimes have to shout at the dog, like, “please don’t lick the baby in the face.” And my favorite, “Put the hump pillow away when company is over.”
Sarah @ TM2TS commented on Jul 01 11 at 3:00 pmMost ridiculous lately?
Never mind, don’t jump out of the water. We’d prefer if you didn’t flash everyone your boy parts.
I said that yesterday after I suggested to my son to try jumping up and down in the pool. His response: But my Transformers might fall off, and I’ll flash my butt. Said with complete seriousness.
My son, who has no problem running around in his tighty-whities screaming “I gotta PEE!” He’s worried about a little butt action.
Erin Marie commented on Jul 01 11 at 3:26 pmI once told my daughter (3) that she couldn’t go on a date without panties on. Good advice for life, I guess. There are many more things, but that’s a specific one that sticks out in my mind.
Pantrygirl commented on Jul 01 11 at 3:50 pmToo many to recall with my pregnant brain but my favorite was shouted by my husband, “We do not hug our friends when we are without underpants.”
Our two year old was potty learning and becoming a hugger at the same time.Mine is, “When Mama does not have pants on, do not open the front door.”. This was said after my daughter decided to open the door to the delivery man early in the a.m.
Amelia commented on Jul 01 11 at 4:53 pm“The Lysol bowl freshener is not a lolly pop.” That was a fun one.
Kaycee commented on Jul 02 11 at 8:18 pmMy favorite one so far is “No the octopus did NOT say you can and the octopus is NOT in charge!”. lol
Christi commented on Jul 02 11 at 10:31 pm“stop licking the TV.” I don’t remember exactly when this was said, or why said licking was taking place, but I remember saying it.
Sylvia commented on Jul 03 11 at 2:12 pmCute post, Casey.
I’d like to add, “We do not eat broccoli off of the floor.” To which my husband helpfully added “Honey, at least our son is eating vegetables.”Also, “We don’t talk about our penis/bottom/poop at the the grocery store/bank/daddy’s work…”
Most recently, “Stop licking the glass on the deli case.” Said Friday, July 1, 5:30 pm in the midst of a grocery store PACKED with 4th of July shoppers. All of them were staring at my son in horror.
Rachel commented on Jul 04 11 at 11:26 amMy 2 year old son has just recently been asking about his manhood, so we told him what it is called. Then he asked if his sisters have a penis, so I explained that boys and daddys have one, but girls and mommys don’t. So a couple weeks ago we’re sitting with our realtor, writing up an offer on a house. My son turns to me and points to the realtor, asking loudly “Mom, does HE have a penis?” Wonderful. Kill me now.
Malinda commented on Jul 14 11 at 10:17 pmWhile I know I’ve said many crazy things as a mother, the sayings my mother said are far funnier. For instance, after losing patience with my little sister who kept saying “Just a sec…” I heard my mom shout “No more secs!” (say this out loud and you will understand my confusion from walking in on that conversation.)
Wendy commented on Aug 07 11 at 5:00 pmThe biggest thing I yell to my 4 year old niece?
“You can’t leave the house without pants on!” She streaks around the house in panties and maybe socks, and wants to follow me out the door. Also, “Don’t say stinkabooty [her favorite phrase] to the doctor/in church/to your grandma, please.”
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