Babys First Year Blog
Night-Weaning and the Cry-It-Out Wars
Fuzz is about to be 10 month’s old. We still co-sleep from about midnight to 8am. He sleeps in his crib from about 7:30 to midnight most nights, usually without waking up. Once he’s in bed with me, he wakes up to nurse several times (a good night would be 3 or 4) but just for a few minutes before he goes right back to sleep. Most nights I’m happy with this, even if towards the wee hours he gets up a number of times. I can always tell when he’s ready to wake up for the morning because that’s when he doesn’t cry, he just sits up and smiles.
I’ve always been very conflicted about when to night-wean. With my first, I tried it at 8 ½ months, only to start again a few weeks later, then again at 11 months, and then finally at around 13 months, we were able to stop the nighttime feeds. This time around, I’m not going to even attempt it until Fuzz is a year old to save myself the aggravation and head/heartache.
I find it so interesting that doctors and authors have wildly differing opinions about when is the best time to night-wean. Doctors like Weissbluth and Ferber claim a baby doesn’t need to eat during the night after 4 months. Dr. Sears and Dr. Jay Gordon feel it’s inappropriate to night-wean before one year. Here’s a quote from Dr. Jay Gordon’s website:
I don’t recommend any forced sleep changes during the first year of life. Probably the only exception to this would be an emergency involving a nursing mom’s health. There are many suggestions in books and magazines for pushing “sleeping through the night” during a baby’s early months or during the first year. I don’t think this is the best thing to do and I am quite sure that the earlier a baby gets “non-response” from parents, the more likely he is to close down at least a little.
I happen to have babies that wake up a lot at night, which I confess, is less convenient than if they magically started sleeping through the night on their own at 8 weeks, or 8 months old, for that matter. However, they are what they are, and although I’d love them to sleep 11-12 hours in a row, I know that’s just not who they are right now (although, check in with me again once they get to be teenagers).
I’m just not sure how anyone really knows what is the best way? I mean, if you put two five-year-olds next to each other, would you be able to tell which one was Ferberized at 4 months and which one nursed and co-slept until 3years? How does one really know? And wouldn’t it really depend on the baby’s (and the parents’) personalities what is really best for everyone? I admit that with my first, I felt like I was going crazy from lack of sleep. But, even with my best efforts, multiple times, my child simply didn’t sleep through the night. He’s going to be three in a few weeks, and he still wakes up at least once.
It took me 8 or more months to accept that Fuzz has just as stubborn a personality as the Shnook, (perhaps even moreso) and to realize that I really do get the most sleep when he sleeps with me, despite the multiple wakings. At least I don’t have to listen to him scream for multiple hours on end, anymore.
On the whole everyone is happy. Eventually, the whole sleep issue will be a thing of the past and I’ll beat myself for caring about it so much. That’s what I’ve heard, anyway.
When did you stop feeding your baby in the night? Did you have to sleep train or did he/she just do it on his/her own?
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13 Comments
Anna commented on Jun 20 11 at 4:21 amI agree with you. I’d rather have my little man in bed with me, where he probably does wake up more than he would in his cot after midnight. But he does wake up quietly, if he even wakes up properly, and just has a little bit of a suck and then is asleep again. I think do what feels right for you and the baby.
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Rosstwinmom commented on Jun 20 11 at 5:45 amI think your last sentences say it all. Whatever gets the most people the most sleep is the right answer. My twins are 3. They still wake up (well, one does anyway, the other sleeps soundly) at least once a night. But, we moved to a house where there room is one door down. I’m barely awake by the time I get there, re-tuck, and get back in bed. It’s no big deal anymore, and I wish like crazy I had never ‘sleep trained’ or any of that. I wish I had just given my boys the love they needed at night and not listened to what other kids were doing at the same age. If Fuzz is hungry and it is not bothering you, then why wean? Change it when it’s no longer working for everyone.
Alyssa commented on Jun 20 11 at 9:04 amI don’t think there’s a magic answer here. You have to do what is right for your family. I co-slept with my son (now 13 mos) until 10.5months. I finally got him napping in his own bed on a regular schedule and decided to go for it. The first night, I put him down at 8, he cried for a while at 11pm, but slept until 7am! I was shocked! He went from waking up every few hours to nurse, to not nursing for 11 hours! Now he sleeps from 7-5 and then he and I go in the guest room to nurse and sleep until 7. Every now and then he needs a night nurse, like when he’s teething, but overall he’s doing great! I would say, discuss it with your partner and do what you feel’s best. Remember, if it doesn’t work tonight, there’s always tomorrow!
Grace M. commented on Jun 20 11 at 9:35 amI have a concentration- and math-heavy job, so not getting a full night’s sleep is killer. I have to check my work five or six times, and I STILL miss things. I always thought sleep-training sounded a little mean, but if my son doesn’t start sleeping more than 4 hours at a stretch, I may have to try it. So many days I wish I could nap on those breaks instead of pump…
Danielle commented on Jun 20 11 at 10:58 amAbby is a pretty good sleeper. At this point, when it’s bedtime, I put her in her sleepsack, give her a bottle, snuggle a little bit with her and “doggie,” and then lay her down in the crib. 95% of the time I don’t hear a peep from her, or she talks herself to sleep. If she wakes up in the night and cries, I wait for a minute or two to see if she will settle herself back down. If not, I go in and give her a bottle. At this point, she is typically still waking up once a night, sometimes more, sometimes not at all. I absolutely cannot do cry it out…for longer than about 10 minutes. I agree that parents should do whatever works best for them and their children to get enough sleep. Nursing babies seem to wake up more in my experience. Don’t beat yourself up about how your kids sleep…I am convinced that kids are hard wired a certain way, and you can try to mold them in a certain direction but it may or may not work. I know that with my first, it was infuriating for me to hear people say “you’re just not trying long enough, she’ll figure it out.”
m.j. commented on Jun 20 11 at 11:09 ami like your approach. do what is best for your family and for your child individually. pretty sure your sons aren’t going to do anything stupid in their teenage years solely because they never really slept through the night on their own as babies…
Natalie commented on Jun 20 11 at 12:39 pmI’m with you on the most sleep for the most folks strategy, and also with not trying to fight with who my baby really is.
I find your questions about being able to tell which 5 year old was allowed to cry it out to be a bit frustrating. Just because a kid “turns out ok” doesn’t mean that all of our parenting choices were ok. It’s not only about who they become, but who they are now. I just don’t think that CIO is developmentally appropriate. Our babies can’t understand that we’re in the next room and that we still care about them and that this is “for their own good” (because how will they ever sleep through the night for the next 94 years of their lives if we don’t teach them to do it by the time they’re 4 months old?) All they understand is that they’re all alone and very unhappy. Our first job is to teach them to trust us, and CIO does not encourage trust. I wish our society would lose that attitude that it’s all about the outcome (And what is the outcome? When do we stop parenting and say “Product complete!”?). I’d like our society to concentrate on being the parent that our 3 month old needs or that our 45 year old child needs.
Katherine commented on Jun 20 11 at 1:14 pmMy second child is sleeping right now. She seems to be the type to sleep at night for 5 or 6 hours at a stretch already, and she’s not even 3 months old!! I believe it must be natural temperament. I remember how unfair it seemed when my first baby was driving me nuts waking up over and over for 8 months. I cried and complained to anyone who would listen. So I used Weissbluth’s technique and it worked great. I don’t doubt that my (now 2 1/2 year old) son is perfectly happy and well developed. Having said that, I wouldn’t judge you one bit for telling me that you disagree and that CIO doesn’t work for your family.
Caitlin commented on Jun 20 11 at 2:23 pmWe used Weissbluth’s method at around 8 months as well, not just because we were out of our minds from sleep deprivation (which we were!) but we could tell that our son needed more sleep. We couldn’t believe the difference in his daytime temperament once he was sleeping 11-12 hours per night. But I think this goes back to doing what’s right for your family and your child, because it seems like some babies just don’t need as much sleep or are not as affected by brief night wakings / feedings as others. Ours just happened to be one of those sleep monsters who really needed a large chunk of uninterrupted sleep at night to be his bright, happy self during the day.
Natalie commented on Jun 20 11 at 8:18 pmi like this post a whole lot. i also like to hear that there are doctors who are in no rush to get a kid “sleeping through the night.” calling it “night weaning” as opposed to “sleep training” is another thing i like. so thumbs up!
huck sleeps with me after his 3:00 feeding, and he seems to snack pretty heavily between 5 and 8 am. but since i brought him to bed with us i’ve been sleeping so much better and his naps have become longer and more consistent too! more power to you, is all i have to say about that!
Naomi commented on Jun 21 11 at 2:20 am@Natalie B- FYI, I am totally on your team with this one, regarding CIO, which is why I’ve been so conflicted about it for so long. I understand your frustrations with my 5YO comparison, but what I was trying to say was that people can be so judgemental during this whole baby phase and then once it’s over, it’s as if it never existed and no one points the finger at the way your got your baby to sleep at night as a reason for all his problems (at least I don’t think so, but I haven’t been there yet, so I don’t know).
Naomi commented on Jun 26 11 at 12:29 am@Natalie- thanks, mama!
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