Babys First Year Blog
Yes, I Co-sleep. No, It’s Not Dangerous. And My Children Are Independent!
Starting Addison out young... co-sleeping in the hospital
I never thought I would be that co-sleeping Mom with all those kids in her bed… but alas, three kids later I am and honestly… I don’t mind at all! My oldest son who is three is still in my bed, and upon our release from the hospital my newborn Addison will be joining us.
We have a co-sleeper that attaches to the bed I am hoping to get some use out of with her though. My youngest son who will be two never had much interest in sleeping in our bed and preferred the co-sleeper. Most important to me was having the children in my bedroom and close to me. Not just because of the ease in the middle of the night, but because of the lower risk for SIDS, and of course the bonding.
Before I had my own children I heard all about children loosing their independence from co-sleeping too long, or parents that would never be able to get their children to exit into their own beds. Sure, I was scared of that happening, but in reality… I would much rather meet the needs of my children than complain about what I think they should be doing.
Then I read a great article out of the United Kingdom the other day. Someplace in the world where co-sleeping is the norm, and not looked at like some kind of uber crunchy hippy parenting type thing to do.
Instead of looking at opinion or information based on behavior, the evidence discussed is backed up by actual scientific evidence, which was something new at least for me in the articles regarding co-sleeping. Some of the most interesting findings of these studies, at least to me, included:
A neurological study three years ago showed that a child separated from a parent experienced similar brain activity to one in physical pain.
One study that found some 70% of women who had not been comforted when they cried as children developed digestive difficulties as adults.
Sunderland argues that putting children to sleep alone is a peculiarly western phenomenon that may increase the chance of cot death, also known as sudden infant death syndrome (Sids). This may be because the child misses the calming effect on breathing and heart function of lying next to its mother.
“In the UK, 500 children a year die of Sids,” Sunderland writes. “In China, where it [co-sleeping] is taken for granted, Sids is so rare it does not have a name.”
The last piece of information I found most interesting… China doesn’t even have a name for SIDS because it happens so little. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could lower the rate of SIDS worldwide by helping to educate parents on safe co-sleeping.
Mind you, co-sleeping as a whole simply includes sharing the same bedroom… it does not need to be in the same bed by any means. Of course co-sleeping is not going to be for everyone, but it certainly is something more people should take a second look at.
As for my experience with independent children and co-sleeping… my three year old has co-slept almost from day one, and he couldn’t be more independent. He will sleep on his own, in his own bed without any issue, but I don’t force it. My youngest son who co-slept for months, has made the choice to sleep 100% on his own at this point with no interest in sharing our bed, or bedroom at this point.
I think the more you let children make their own choices sometimes, while they may seem like choices we as parents should be making for them, the better off the children, and family may be as a whole.
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19 Comments
Rosstwinmom commented on May 05 11 at 10:13 amAs someone who did not co-sleep and frantically tried to ‘make’ my kids good sleepers by doing what others advised, I implore new moms to give co-sleeping a try. How I wish I could turn back time and watch my babies sleep. Hear their sweat breaths and just feel their warmth. One of my twins is a terrible sleeper despite the ‘sleep training’ crap. How I wish I had that time with them instead. Kids will eventually sleep on their own. ALL kids. Just trust your mommy needs.
Rosstwinmom commented on May 05 11 at 10:14 amUgh. *sweet* breaths.
Amanda commented on May 05 11 at 10:35 amco-sleeping is the best. Our son left our bed at 7 months and finally made his way back into our bed at 21 months. I’m finally sleeping, again.
Rosana commented on May 05 11 at 12:15 pmI did not really have an opinion about it. I just started co-sleeping because I work full-time and it was easier to just breastfeed my baby right there and go back to sleep.
When my son turned 3 or 4 months old, I started taking him to his crib and he started he got used to sleeping there. Right now he is 3 years old and sleeps in his own bed but some nights here and there, he decides to come to our bed and I do not have a problem. He is very independent.
aimi commented on May 05 11 at 1:18 pmmy son is almost 5 months and have been co-sleeping with him since he came home from the hospital…and i dont think its a bad thing at all even though his pediatrician keeps warning me about SIDS…im for co-sleeping all the way…call me a hippy or whatever…but im proud…
lo commented on May 05 11 at 3:07 pmI am from a country where a nursery is not an option. I have in my house space enough for my children to have their own rooms I can not even think of such an idea. I don’t understand western culture when you separate e newborn from the mother and expect for it to be ok, honestly. Just worrying about the baby would keep me awake all night. My baby belongs with me, close to me.
Snarky Mama commented on May 05 11 at 3:43 pmAt the height of our co-sleeping we had a 5.5 y/o and 3.5 y/o and an infant (albeit in an attached co-sleeper) in a queen size bed with my husband and I. The children are now 9, 7 and 3 and all sleep happily in their own beds (although, do to space issues, the littlest’s bed is still located in my room). Almost every morning, however, all 3 kids climb into bed with me for “morning cuddles.”
Jess commented on May 05 11 at 4:04 pmOur son slept in our room for the first 2 years, starting exclusively in our bed and gradually spending more and more time in his crib. We really weren’t sure how the transition to his own room would go, but at 2 yrs we made the move and it was totally fine. There were things about sharing a full-size bed with a baby/toddler and a husband that were hard, but it’s what we ultimately felt the most comfortable with. We are expecting another kiddo this fall and s/he will start out in our room. We kinda hope that this one will take to the co-sleeper more easily than our son did, just so we don’t feel quite so crowded, but I know we’ll just have to go with the flow. I cannot imagine having a young baby in a completely separate room, both for health/peace of mind reasons and because of nighttime nursing.
Tarah commented on May 05 11 at 5:33 pmWe love co-sleeping. I just make sure not to drink or take any kind of medicine that makes me drowsy (no big deal, since I don’t like doing either of those things anyway). I’m a light sleeper, and I have become a much lighter sleeper since I had my son. We absolutely love co-sleeping. If he chokes or spits up in the night, I am there to hear it. I get tons of sleep. I get tons of snuggle time with my baby. I wake up to him smiling at me and talking to me. And I feel like he breathes better. When he takes naps alone he gasps sometimes or has real irregular breathing. When he sleeps with me he doesn’t do that. And as for sex, well me and my husband are a little more creative than that, lol. My family coslept growing up and we are all independent.
Michelle commented on May 05 11 at 7:49 pmI don’t regret one minute of co-sleeping with my kids, just wish I’d ‘surrendered’ to it earlier with my first instead of listening to all the negative nellies…..oh and my kids are 6 and 2 and both sleep in their own bed! It was an easy, natural and GRADUAL transition which was very smooth and not stressful at all. Give it a go!!
Kate commented on May 06 11 at 12:04 amI wish people would make a bit of a distinction between co-sleeping and bed-sharing (just for clarity, not because one is superior to the other). I co-sleep with my 3.5 month old son for the first half of the night, and then bed-share with him for the rest of the night (after his nighttime feeding) and it works great for us. I can’t imagine my son sleeping in a different room at this age.
Elizabeth commented on May 06 11 at 9:54 pmI think to each their own, but I have had several friends who co-slept and had a hard time with the transition period. I think once you have transitioned one of your children to their own room and bed then you can more accurately write about the negatives. I’d also be careful in saying it isn’t dangerous, as unfortunately people have accidentally killed their infants by rolling on to them while co-sleeping. I have three kids, none of whom co-slept and they turned out okay too.
Kristen Huss commented on May 06 11 at 11:51 pmI co-sleep with my kids for at least the first year. But i do NOT bedshare. My husband is a heavy sleeper and I am a toss n’ turn sleeper, so bed-sharing would just not be safe. so far each of my 3 kids have been in their own rooms by 18 months of age. I cannot wait to share my room with baby #4 in 5 months! LOVE those sweet baby noises, and would NOT be able to sleep if baby was far from me at night. I am a co-sleeping, baby-wearing, cloth-diapering UN-Crunchy mom! And I love it!
Amanda commented on May 07 11 at 12:11 amMy daughter co-slept in our room (co-sleeper next to the bed) until 5 months when she was essentially too big for it – she slept in my room at the hospital, too, not the nursery despite people telling me to have her sleep there so I could “get some rest”. When my daughter was 5 months, we chose one night to test whether she could (or would) sleep in her room and she slept perfectly through the night. She is the most independent child I’ve ever encountered! Our next daughter (due soon) will also sleep in our room in the co-sleeper until she’s ready for the transition. Oh and I’m too nervous to bed-share with a small child…but am not opposed to it generally, speaking.
Brandy commented on May 07 11 at 3:45 amWhen my son was born, he slept with me the moment we got home from the hospital. I put him in a sleep positioner (that has since been recalled) and I’d fall asleep knowing he was safe. (He would also nap in it without me on our queen bed until he learned to roll over) But after a short trip to see family when he was 3 weeks old, he got to a point where he would only go for his long sleeps (about 4 hours at a time) if he was on me. So I slept propped up and he slept on my chest until he was 7 months old. When he needed to eat, he ate, and I’d cradle him in my legs and bottle feed him. (Unable to breast feed, but good heavens did I try!!!)
When he got to be 7 months, my thinking was that maybe he wasn’t sleeping for longer stretches because y snoring was basically in his ear, so I switched him to a pack and play next to my bed. That was when we got 6 hours of sleep. Then we put him in his real crib in our room a bit further away from me and it was 7 hours. Then I gave him that room and went to the other room, and since then, he’s been sleeping on average 12 hours a night. I did my best to make it a transition, and yes, I let him cry it out. Now he has a glow worm and a night light and doesn’t really need me, which is both a blessing and a curse. I miss being needed, but I am so glad we were able to go at a slow enough pace so that he always knew he was safe and loved.This new one due in August will get the same treatment. It may be super rough since this is only a two bedroom apartment, but we’ll make it work. We’re a creative bunch!
amy commented on May 24 11 at 10:04 amMy son is 4 months old. He has been bed sharing with my SO and I since he came home from the hospital. We are both really light sleepers so every time my son makes the smallest noise we are both reaching for him to check on him. He is already more than capable of falling asleep without us and not in our bed tho. When I spend the night at my moms with him he will sleep in his pack n play without any issues and often times falls asleep in the bed without me having to be holding him or right next to him.
Angie commented on May 24 11 at 11:56 amMy husband and I have co-slept with all 5 of our kids. It’s been an interesting process, but after reading all the parenting books I could when I was pregnant with our first, 15 years ago, I knew I had options as a parent, and I also knew that I couldn’t bear to not have my baby with me. I spent all that time with them in my body, to not have them with me, felt unnatural. So, each baby has started out with me, either bedsharing or in a crib in my room, but always near me. Breastfeeding was so much easier and I got more sleep too.
I know the bedsharing thing is not an option for everyone, and it’s not advised for people who are heavy sleepers, squirmers, over weight, take medications or anything that impairs their judgement, or people who sleep in a waterbed, etc. You have to weigh your options, definitely and know what’s best for you and your child.
They all gradually grow away from being co-sleepers. I even had one baby who slept better if she wasn’t sleeping with me because she was such a rough sleeper. I was so heart broken that I had an 8 month old who wanted her own space.
I still have one who enjoys sleeping in our room with us on her own “pallet” most of the time, although she goes back and forth to where she likes to sleep and then we have a five month old who is sleeping with us, and the crib is just a few short feet away.
I think if parents make decisions for their children based on love and common sense, you are well on your way to raising awesome kids and being pretty awesome parents yourself. :)
NY Phoenix commented on Oct 17 11 at 4:28 pmboth of mine slept in the basinette right next to my side of the bed with my arm dropped down inside of it and my hand touching their arm, leg, or back. Firstborn slept like a dream from 11pm to 5 am (when dh’s alarm clock would go off for him to get up for work), diaper change, lay back in bed (only because our bed at the time was the mattress and box spring on the floor… the blanket was one of those cotton thermal ones and minion would be on top of that) and nurse, then fall asleep until 8…. he wasn’t in his own room until he was almost a year old… we set the crib up in our room… second minion was the same way (except for being a dream when it came to sleeping… he was up all night with colic and his 2 year old brother was up all day…) and moved into his brother’s room when he was around 9 or 10 months old…. it wasn’t uncommon to go in to get him up and find his 2 year old brother sitting in the crib with him and them chattering or playing with toys.
margaret commented on Nov 16 11 at 12:58 pmall three of my children are co-sleepers, and there is nothing wrong with it . my youngest slept in the same bed with me even when we were in the hospital after his birth . so there is totally nothin wrong with your children sleeping with you.
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