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These moms may look perfect, but I bet they've given their kids some pretty insane advice.

When the editors at babble asked us all to share the helpful bits of advice our mothers have given us over the years, I couldn’t help but think of flip side of all that maternal wisdom. Sometimes moms have some real twisted ideas that they impart to us in the form of life lessons. I’m not sure if most moms have a touch of this dark side or if it’s that I mostly hang out with friends who have some… interesting moms.

Strange bits of wacked-out advice can come from even the most warm, affable, and charming moms every once in a while. Here’s some weird shit some moms said. Not surprisingly, almost all of my sources of these “mom quotes” requested anonymity. One of the following koo-koo quotes is from a mom in my family, but I’ll never tell which quote (or which mom.) Can you think of some twisted words of advice from your own mom or another mom you know? If so, leave it in the comments section because I want to hear it! Read more »

See how awesome I am, even in this ridiculous paper hat?

Yeah that’s right. You heard me.

As of last night, I am such an awesome mom that Michelle Obama is going to start calling herself “Second Mom” instead of “First Mom.” So awesome that “Parenting” Magazine is going to change its name to “Jane Roper Magazine.” So amazingly incredibly awesome that the editors of TIME magazine called me to personally apologize for even suggesting that I wasn’t “mom enough” on their recent cover. (“I hope you know we intended the question for everyone but you!” they said. And offered me a free year’s subscription; I declined.)

OK. Perhaps I am exaggerating a little.

OK, OK, I’m exaggerating *completely.* But do you ever have one of those moments when you feel like, damn, I rock at this parenting thing? When you feel like you’re in complete control and handling things exactly right? I’ve had approximately four of those moments since my children were born five years ago. And they’ve all been lovely.

The most recent one, which happened last night, went like this: Read more »

Photo credit: Leslie Bird

When the recent Time magazine issue that asked “Are You Mom Enough?” and the article that sought to answer “why attachment parenting drives some mothers to extremes — and how Dr. Bill Sears became their guru” was first brought to my attention, my response was actually “Yes!” As a resident of crazy Los Angeles, I have met plenty of extreme parenting philosophy followers and I have always maintained that the actual founders of some of these philosophies are not nearly as fanatical as their minions.

I was lucky enough to get a chance to chit chat with Dr. Bill himself, and if you’ve ever dealt with the hardcore faction of AP or guilted yourself for not being the perfect parent and following his philosophy to the letter of the law, you might be surprised by what he has to say.

After a couple of minutes of idle chat where I told him about writing a chapter in Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay that discussed Attachment Parenting and bringing up my love for Real Housewives of OC (hey, he lives there) I got down to it:

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor:  First off, I agree with you on a lot of points. I had a tough childhood and always knew I wanted to parent differently than I was parented. I stayed home from work for the first year because my mother worked and went to school full time and the effects of that have reverberated through my entire life. But I wasn’t able to breast-feed and I felt horrible about it. What do you say to a person who agrees with your philosophy but can’t follow all of your basic tenets?

Dr. Sears: This is why we came up with the 7 Baby B’s [you can find these on Dr. Sears’ website]. They are tools not rules. You take as many tools as you can with the resources you have. I can’t breast feed but I can wear my baby more or I can respond to my baby more. I wasn’t breast fed. I was bottle fed. I turned out okay. Also with our adopted baby she was the first formula fed baby but it didn’t agree with her so we had donor milk. This is an option for today’s mom. There are many way of meeting your babies’ needs.

SWT: What do you say to the extremists who have taken your basic philosophy but distorted it and made it an all-or-nothing proposition? Read more »

Back in December, I was saddened to read the story of Michal Lura Friedman, who died just hours after giving birth to healthy boy-girl twins, as a result of complications following her C-section.

As a mom of twins myself, I couldn’t help identifying with her, and as someone who knows what an immense challenge it is to parent newborn (infant, toddler, etc.) twins, my heart went out to her husband, who would be (and still is) doing it on his own while also dealing with the horrible grief of having lost his children’s mother.

When something hits close to home, and when you can identify with the people involved, it’s easy to feel the full weight of the tragedy. It’s harder to conjure up the same kind of sympathy when you hear about death in the abstract. But this Mother’s Day, I’m trying to. Read more »

While few if any of us could ever claim with a straight face to be the best mom in the world (despite what a certain coffee mug you may been given would lead you believe), most of us can still sleep soundly at night, confident in the knowledge that we’re far from the worst. Why? Because TV and movies tell us so, duh!

Indeed, though they may be slightly cracked or warped mirrors, TV and movies have always reflected back to us mediated visions of our collective maternal nightmares alongside soft-focus idealizations of motherhood — unreal extremes we can all find a comfortable middle ground for ourselves to fit into . And whether these representations serve to make us feel inadequate or reassure us that maybe we’re really not all that bad at this parenting thing after all, the following characters to me represent some of the best portrayals of motherhood – the good, bad, and NO! WIRE! HANGERS! EVER!-ugly – ever shown on the small and big screen:

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This poor 4 year old is going to get a lot of shit from the kids at school someday.

There’s a Time magazine cover story out this week that discusses the popularity of the attachment parenting trend and man behind the movement’s bible, The Baby Book, Dr. William Sears. As Time sums up, “The three basic tenets are breast-feeding (sometimes into toddler­hood), co-sleeping (inviting babies into the parental bed or pulling a bassinet alongside it) and ‘baby wearing’ in which infants are literally attached to their mothers via slings.”

When I was pregnant, as far as I knew, this was the only book to read about how to take care of a baby. What the Dr. Spock book was to my parents, the Dr. Sears book is to my generation of moms. It’s the only book my friends with kids told me to get.

Since I wasn’t working, I had the luxury of being able to breastfeed on demand, wear my baby and be exhausted all the time (thanks to responding to every single cry my baby made.) While I was pregnant and reading this book, I wanted to follow Dr. Sears’ every word, so that my son and I would have the tightest possible bond.

It was only once my son was born that I started to realize that some of Dr. Sears’ suggestions not only didn’t work for me, but they didn’t work for my son, either. Read more »

As far as I’m concerned, household gadgets and cleaning gear have a unfair reputation for being bad gifts. I don’t think giving a woman a “homemaking” gift is necessarily sexist – after all, I’ve given my husband both tools and cookware for Father’s Day, and he’s given me sports equipment alongside jewelry.

But as with all gifts, what’s important in a Mother’s Day gift is both the intent and the message the present imparts. Does the tool you’ve chosen say “Get in the kitchen and make me some pancakes, woman!”… or “I love and respect you, and this practical yet beautiful thing seemed like something you might enjoy?” Read more »

Oh dear Lord, it’s almost Mother’s Day. This is one of those “holidays” that’s fraught with unrealistic expectation and pressure on everyone. Maybe it’s me, maybe I’m the holiday Scrooge but it feels like so many of these forced commercial holidays like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and obviously Tu B’ Shevat  only benefit Hallmark but leave everyone else feeling like it’s just another opportunity to screw up.

Okay, it’s really adorable when my kids make me something in school and present it to me on Mother’s Day morning all smiles and love and making me feel like the kind of mom who always makes fresh baked cookies and never ever raises her voice. As far as that goes, keep it coming. What I’m talking about the pressure that men feel to make Mother’s Day special or risk being thought of as unfeeling, insensitive and ungrateful of all their wives do.

Most husbands, even if they do remember the day, just give you a card and move on. It’s not that they don’t love us, ladies, they do! It’s that they don’t have gift giving in their DNA. That’s why so many TV commercials are aimed at men who don’t know how to shop for women. And that’s why so many women are sporting stupid drop heart diamond pendants around their neck- because their husband only understands that every kiss begins with Kay.

So, let’s forget about waiting for the fellows to give us our gifts and give them the gift of not having to shop for us. Men love it when you express your needs clearly. Help them help you have a great Mother’s Day.

1. Have your husband keep the kids in the other room while you watch two Lifetime movies in a row. Try The Baby Dance with Laura Dern and Stockard Channing. It’s all about a woman trying to adopt and getting taken advantage of at every turn. Happy Mother’s Day! Or you can escape from parenting and go with my person fave “Another Woman’s Husband” starring Lifetime movie great Lisa Rinna!
2. Get your husband’s credit card (yes I know it’s yours too but for the sake of “treating yourself” use his copy) and order in every meal. Yes, including breakfast. Or go out for breakfast but order in lunch and dinner. How about pizza for lunch and Chinese for dinner? No? Well get whatever you want then. Jesus, I’m trying to help you.
3. By yourself that cute white Michael Kors watch you’ve had your eye on for two years. You know the one with the diamonds and the clear band. You deserve it. Go on and do it. Or just order it for yourself on eBay. Don’t worry about the cost, he’d want you to have it.
4. Lay on the couch and play Angry Birds on your phone while the kids fight. Refuse to budge until you’ve made it at least six levels. Or does this only sound fun to me?
5. Opposite of spa day: eat a ton of candy and potato chips. In fact, do not even eat a single morsel of   anything that’s “grilled” “poached” “fresh” or in any way healthy sounding. It’s your day. And don’t share any of it with your children. They may have broccoli and they’d better be happy about it because God damn it, it’s Mother’s Day!

Life has a way of sneaking up on you if you aren’t paying attention and apparently, I haven’t been. Which is why I was rather surprised when my husband texted me the other day and asked if there was anything special I’d like for mother’s day this year.

I had completely spaced on the fact Mother’s day is this weekend. Whoops.

While it’s lovely to know my husband is on the ball and thinking of me on behalf of our youngest son(s), I have a bigger problem at the moment. What do I get MY mother for her special day?

I really wish I was one of those people who are either hyper organized and have all their gifts purchased for all holidays a year in advance or one of those people who think buying half wilted gas station roses at the last minute is entirely acceptable. However, I am neither.

I am gift-less and in a bit of a time crunch. And when that happens, there is only one thing to do: Turn to the Internet for inspiration.

I found none of that.

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This has nothing to do with the post but it is pretty cute.

If you know me, you know I’ve been obsessed with going on a cruise lately. I’ve had some friends whose opinions I respect come back from a cruise ranting and raving about what an insanely great time they had. I actually allowed those friends to show me pictures! And the pictures made me go to the website! And the website got me all crazy about the idea of getting our whole family on board. I’m not sure if it’s the idea that there is all kinds of stuff for the kids to do where they’re busy and happy and I can hit a spa (I don’t know if you’re aware but I have three of them. I am painfully aware of this fact – at every moment –and I live to not be aware every moment). Read more »