[...] [...]

[...] – and certainly social media culture – seems to be, you know, all about the moms. Also, their boobs. Boobs come up pretty frequently in discussions about motherhood, and you know how that kind of [...]

As I push back my laptop, a smile across my face, I can honestly say yes…but it’s not THAT bad!! And if you’ve been in ANY bra section of any store lately, you will see that apparently we moms of three breastfed kids aren’t the only ones who are looking to give our girls a little lift. :) I nursed my kids for 6 months, 12 months and 15 months respectively, and I think now, with my youngest being six years old, they don’t look as bad as you fear!
http://www.thewholebagofchips.com

I absolutely adore Samantha Bee – but I have to respond to this:

Pregnancy itself, yes. And other associated factors like whether mom has been a smoker, whether or not she has lost and gained significant amounts of weight. But NOT breastfeeding. If moms perceive this as a difference, their breasts would actually have been equally affected if they had given birth and then never put the baby to breast at all.

The growth during pregnancy plus postpartum engorgement (which occurs regardless) DOES affect breast changes – so if you want to avoid any impact on your breasts, adoption is the way to go. Being pregnant and giving birth are the factors at play. The one exception is appearance of nipples, which become more prominent.

Sorry to be humorless about this (I’m a laugh riot in real life, I swear), but this is one way breastfeeding gets undermined; misinformation being spread in a “I heard from a friend of a friend that this is true” way.

So Disney and Babble are in bed with Similac, and now we’re getting fed articles that try to tell us that breastfeeding sags your boobs, even though science says it does NOT. GIVE ME A BREAK. Follow the money, Moms. Follow. The. Money.

I am on the other side of nursing 3 girls for almost 10 years. I’m down to my pre pregnancy weight and my boobs look pretty good- bigger by about a cup size with a little more of a “ski-slpoe”, but they look pretty good for being 40 years old!! Don’t lose hope- it’s not always so bad!!!!

Breastfeeding doesn’t do it, giving birth does. Whether you breastfeed or not, if you were pregnant and your boobs grew, and then gave birth and your milk came in (whether you wanted it to or not) your boobs are going to be changed. It’s not the nursing that does it. Mine are forever changed, but their not bad at all. It always takes about a year from the time I stop nursing for them to kind of perk back up, but they always have, even after my fourth. And now while nursing my fifth I have no fear.

Yeah, the good news is that breastfeeding does NOT make your boobs sag. The bad news is that most people who read this article likely will not scroll down to read the comments to find out the truth.

I, inadvertently, did a magnificent experiment on breast-sagging while breastfeeding. My milk came in beautifully on both sides, but while I had one beautiful and perfect nipple, the other was severely inverted and, because of this, my son could never latch properly on that side. After only a few weeks, I lost ALL supply on the right side (with the inverted nipple). I kept enough supply in the other breast to successfully nurse my son for TWO FULL YEARS. While I was breastfeeding, I was terrified that the differences in my breasts would become permanent. At the peak of my breastfeeding, my breasts were 2 cup sizes different (a full C to a very very full DD) and I had to wear a prosthesis in the empty side. I was terrified that one breast would forever be saggy and empty looking (the milky breast once I weaned) and the other side (the inverted side) would be perky and firm.

Here I am 5 months after weaning my 2.5 year old and I can tell you that other than my having one very erect nipple and one flat nipple, it is impossible to tell which one nourished my beautiful boy.

I weaned my 2 year old in June just after finding out I was pregnant again. I carried that baby until 23 weeks when I gave birth to him. My milk came in with a vengeance and my engorgement was far worse than it ever was with my eldest (because there was no living baby to nurse from them), so I wondered if they would be saggier as a result of being stretched even further…

So far, I’m happy to say, my breasts look much like they did when I was 19 other than the fact that the rest of me has gained about 30lbs I haven’t been able to drop. They’re actually a little fuller and my much-nursed-upon nipple points straight to the sky and the flat one just stares blankly in the same direction. Plus, I love my breasts MORE now because I RESPECT them and know just how awesome and amazing they are. And there’s something wonderful in that knowledge that would be worth any sagging that should come my way.

It’s not the breastfeeding, it’s the five years. :-). Five years, when you’re not starting at age 18 (or even age 30) make a big difference.

Oh, Samantha Bee. Come on over here and stick your face between my high-sittin, non-cosmetically altered, Hard Workin’ Gals. I’ve milked twins with my twins, and yes, have been either knocked up or letting down (or both) for the past nine-almost-ten years. Four kids! In five years! I had that whole lopsided thing going on when my oldest only nursed from one side, ever. They made their way from a C up to an HHH. Or a J. I don’t know. All I know is that if I knelt down and turned around, I’d knock over small children.

We’re almost done nursing, me and baby #4 (who is 4) and I have fabulous tits.

They don’t sag from breastfeeding!

As a breastfeeding mom of 2 (both for over 2 years and I tandemed as well… over 4 years total) I can find the humor in this article. I don’t know if this was meant to be humorous but I have seen Samantha Bee on the Daily Show and we all know that her interviews there are not meant to be 100% serious.

Yes, it is true that pregnancy can cause sagging due to rapid growth… kind of like those stretch marks… but honestly, would that be as funny?

Grace, I know what you’re saying. I know her intention wasn’t to deter moms. YET, when misinformation is spread, even humorously, it really does have an impact. On the comments with the original Babble post of this piece on Facebook is this direct quote, among others: “J—— L—: Does breastfeeding seriously make them sag? I was planning on breastfeeding”

Can you see how harmful this can potentially be?

I don’t think it’s necessarily “misinformation.” Everyone will experience the changes in their body post-partum and post-lactation differently, and people should be able to discuss their own perceptions in a humour blog without feeling some kind of moral imperative to preach the benefits of breastfeeding. That takes away a mother’s right to say anything remotely negative about breastfeeding EVER, for fear that some childless woman will choose not to do it.

Are we allowed to complain about our kids in general? I mean, what if I’m dealing with a poo-splosion that overflows a diaper and gets all over the carseat in the middle of a road trip? Should I not tell that story to non-parents, in case one says, “What, seriously? Do diapers leak? Maybe I shouldn’t have kids…” and I inadvertently deter him/her from ever experiencing the joys of parenthood??

Since apparently you need to pull out your breastfeeding credentials in order to have a valid opinion on the subject, here are mine: I nursed a singleton for 15 months, the last three of which I was pregnant again, then I nursed twins for 28 months. I know all about the science that says that breastfeeding isn’t what causes boobs to sag, but you know what my experience was? After I weaned the twins, my breasts were noticeably smaller and lower than the had been the whole time I was nursing. The change was immediate, like, within a week. It sucked, and so I made jokes about it. And I bought better-fitting bras. But I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Joking about saggy boobs doesn’t mean we regret breastfeeding.

I definitely found this blog post to be funny and relatable, and I hope Sam and Alanna keep them coming.

So – healthy American male chiming in. I think women worry far too much about it. I love the female form. All of it. Everything about it. As far as breasts are concerned – Large, Small, nearly nothing (A minus?), firm, not so firm, etc. All are good! If you have them, then there are men out there admiring them. Personally, I also think that “enhancement” surgery is right out as well. Natural is great! Be proud of them, ladies, no matter the size or shape!

This post + $1 = Cup of Coffee.

Wow, I am amazed at all the comments. Found the article hilarious! I also breastfed my children and say the same jokes about my saggy “girls”! People who don’t want to breastfeed for cosmetic reasons have already made up their mind not to breastfeed. This is a funny blog, not a le leche journal! Thanks for always making me pee my pants laughing!

I say we all circle Sam Bee in the square and make her wear a SCARLET B! Let’s throw gummy worms at her and old VHS tapes of Disney movies!
Let’s make her drink pre-prepared cans of formula and watch as that extra leg grows out of her head!

How ’bout everybody just tuck their boobs back into their shirts and start using their “nice words”.

Some moms in this blog are way to serious…come on, time to have some fun now. Stop taking everything so seriously. You have breast fed your “baby” for how log? who cares or kudos to you if it makes you feel better and pump your ego…just for God’s sake please try to open your mind and be a little funny, your husband and family might benefit from this change too….we need fun stuff ! we need some fun articles like this one.

Lighten up people, this is funny, humor, ha ha! LAUGH!!!!! I would like to see anyone, man, woman, dog, fish, bird, sit thru a Victoria’s Secret fashion show and not get a little body conscious. Maybe being humorless keeps your boobs perky, well I guess mine will sag, cause I’m laughing.

Guess what? Its gravity and genetics, not breastfeeding that steals your perkiness! As a midwife, I see Thousands of breasts a year, and there is no rhyme or reason. On a personal level, I nursed three kids, looked good doing it, and at age 54, still have a fair amount of perk, as do my sisters. Its all in the genes, so be careful about teeny comments that turn out to be anti breastfeeding!

This post is not anti breastfeeding. It is FUNNY and RELATABLE for many, many mothers who have undergone significant changes in their bodies after having kids. Some of you may still be as gloriously endowed as you were before having your children and breastfeeding, so congratulations to you. Some of us were not so lucky and have had different outcomes after nursing our little ones. Some of us who consistently work out 6 days a week, eat a clean diet, have maintained a normal weight and haven’t smoked a day in our lives. So lose the judgement and try to lighten up a little, please. I don’t think women actually use EOTS as a cornerstone for deciding on whether or not they will breastfeed their kids, they come here for laughter, community, and solace.

LOL, I don’t know which is funnier, Sam’s blog or the outrageous responses from the BFing moms!! Ladies, pull your comfortable cotton gusset out and relax. Sam is a COMMEDIANNE! Which means this is a FUNNY article, not a slam on what breastfeeding your kids does to your boobs. Face it, I’m more worried about the suitcases under my eyes rather than the fact my tits are now tucked into my waistband. Which, by the way, were never perky or lovely or anything other than awkward before they became heros to my hungry babies. (Please refer to Allana’s blog about breast feeding. I am that sister.)
Sam, you are Hill-air-ee-us (this is spelled wrong for a reason, so don’t spellcheck hate on me). I have always wondered what planet those spider-legged, perfect boobied Amazon models came from. And how I can get there on my airmiles points.

Why oh why do I read the comments? I even commented on this blog once before and got dressed down by another commenter for a tongue-in-cheek comment. HUMOR people. WOW.
BTW, hilarious post!

You know, I was originally planning on breastfeeding, but after reading this article and its comments clearly it’s a bad idea. I have hoped and dreamed for saggy breasts since I was 14, but if nursing isn’t going to give them to me, then why bother? Guess I’ll just break out those Similac coupons labeled “personally sent to you from Samantha Bee.”

I have three breastfed kids and a drawer full of fabulously supportive breastal undergarments…which I’d have to have regardless of whether or not I’d birthed the three little terrors, or not.

The more important question is how much wine do I have on hand?

Emblazoned on my brain is the image of the sight I saw upon entering my high school for the first time. She was an older lady who worked in the office whose breasts were supported by her belt. Perhaps they would have gone further had the belt not rescued them from being batted about all day by her knees. In that instant, I swore that I would never let that be me.

I LOVED breastfeeding. It was wonderful and a major mark in the pro column for having more children. I do not regret it, nor did the prospect of being able to play hackie sac with my breasts at the age of 85 deter me one bit. However, in the savings account balance in my mind, boob job is being saved for.

I am still a buxom girl whose breasts more or less stay in the right place (at least while standing). But the thing that really disappoints me is that my nipples no longer face forward ready for anything coming their way. They now stare sheepishly at my feet.

OMG. Sometimes I really hate women. And I am one. What a bunch of moronic, self important, self justified, self satisfied girls. I’m sorry, when did free speech go out the door? Much less comedic licence? For all those judgmental women worrying about the hoards of women who are going to discouraged from breastfeeding by this blog… well, I’m fairly certain that any intelligent woman who is considering it will be looking for more credible sources than a humorous blog for their information. But hey, if you really think that this is where they all will be looking, hows about you guys go and write your own fabulously entertaining blogs on the subject. We are all just breathless…

This has only been common knowledge for a few years, so calm down everyone. I don’t think anywhere in this post Samantha is promoting NOT to breastfeed. It’s actually great how candid she’s being about it. Refreshing!
She’s a blogger not a doctor or a medical professional.

Things moms get very militant about: breast feeding and vaccines. Can’t wait to write about my opinion on vaccines next week… Whether it’s pro or con, I look forward to the death threats I will get from the opposing side! Maybe also add c-section vs vaginal birth to the list? Everyone chill out. Isn’t this supposed to be fun?

I’d love it if we could give women some credit…are we really so shallow that sagging breasts would actually be a deterrent to breastfeeding? And if a person was to be so easily deterred, how likely would they be to really stick out the challenges they’d likely be faced with in the early weeks anyway? I nursed my five kids an average of 2 1/2 years each…and yes, I’ve experienced a loss of “breast meat.” Can’t say for sure if it would have happened either way…but it’s happened.

I think my favorite comment above was from Janet: “Everyone will experience the changes in their body post-partum and post-lactation differently, and people should be able to discuss their own perceptions in a humour blog without feeling some kind of moral imperative to preach the benefits of breastfeeding. That takes away a mother’s right to say anything remotely negative about breastfeeding EVER, for fear that some childless woman will choose not to do it.”

This reminds me of the time I commented somewhere that I didn’t use a ring sling for long because it hurt my back, and was piled on by about 400 women who wanted to insist that it was MY FAULT BECAUSE I DIDN’T USE IT RIGHT and slings should NEVER hurt anyone’s backs, EVER. Well, I had big babies. By the time they were 3 months old, they were heavy, limp sacks of potatoes strapped to my chest. I tried a dozen different slings, assisted by sling professionals, and guess what? THE RING SLING HURT MY BACK EVERY TIME, especially after lengthy babywearing. If I shifted the baby up higher on my chest it would just hurt a different area.

I still wore my babies after they got too heavy to sling for long periods comfortably, in an Ergo carrier…but apparently that was not enough for the enthusiasts. I was expected to deny what I knew to be the truth for ME for fear that I might deter somebody else from babywearing. Sorry, that’s just crap. We all experience life/pregnancy/breastfeeding/motherhood differently.

I think it was about this time that I decided to part ways with the “Attachment Parenting” label. http://thehappiestmom.com/?p=2750

Anyway. I have total respect for breastfeeding enthusiasts, of which I am one. And like I said, I don’t necessarily disagree that breasts would sag whether you nursed or not (though I would have to think the length of time spent in the ‘larger’ state, plus the nursing gymnastics of toddlers, would have to have some effect.) I just find it kind of ridiculous to think that a mom who otherwise would have breastfed wouldn’t because of the idea that her boobs might sag. And I find the tone of some of the comments really over-the-top.

I would think that the presence of that horrifically delicious looking cake in that photo would’ve set the tone of the article for all the lactivists getting their chest meat all in a tizzy. It’s comforting to know we don’t have to worry about other people to attack us as mothers, when we do such a wonderful job of that ourselves.

I wouldn’t have chosen NOT to breast feed my daughter because of what it would do to my boobs, just like I wouldn’t have chosen NOT to have a child because of what it would end up doing to my body/vagina/brain/life. It’s just ridiculous.

My boobs were a DD and at armpit height before kids.

They are now a B and waist height.

Glad that a bunch of dudes in a lab decided that breastfeeding didn’t make them sag. That’s SUCH a relief, she types with her left nipple.

I can’t wait until the internet stops telling women what experiences they are allowed to have.

Sam= 1
Meangirls = 0

Mr. Lady, can you teach me how to use my nipples to type? I could get so much more done with those lady-fingers at my disposal.

Some of you people are effing crazy! What is your PROBLEM??

Get over yourselves.

You rock Samantha.

I read through most of these comments and no one has mention pumping. I am sorry, but pumping definitely changes the shape, elasticity, and size. It is a vacuum hooked up to your girls…for those of use who work, at least twice a day for as long as your nurse.

For Samantha B…this may be a contributor. I am with those laughing – this was meant to be funny and I personally loved the part with the laugh and sneeze joke. That is me, but I would still push my 9.2 lb baby out even though natural childbirth ruined my bladder! Oh no! Conspiracy for Depends!

Mine have kept growing. I was a D cup before breastfeeding. 9 years post-weaning, I am a G. Thank you, Grandma Hilda.

Gee, I was planning on having kids, but I think after reading this I’ll just not bother. I don’t think my A-cups have the stamina.

I have never breastfed. But, I just bought two Victoria’s Secret bras that probably won’t fit. So, there is that.

To those women who think panty lines are “gross,” ask any man. They LOVE panty lines!

Also, does this mean the Victoria Secret girls are not actually angels??? Wha? OMG MISINFORMATION.

Lord almighty, thank heavens there seem to be more supportive posts than critical/nasty ones on here. Sam Bee, this was hilarious. Please continue writing comedic gold like this, despite having inadvertently “woken the mombies” (lol).

Really?

Samantha Bee + humor blog post = Disney + Similac?

Are you women wearing your tinfoil hats on your boobs?

Great post, sam! I am proud of my mommy scars/ badges. They make me “me”. The lactation army can suck it. Heh. Pun intended.

Regardless of what sags the boobs, this article was hilarious! I’m a mother of two, breastfed them both (still nursing a 3 month old) and may just end up in the shower with angel wings… I am a huge breastfeeding advocate, but the act of nursing can be discussed on a comedic level like no other… laughing is what gets you through it… nipples down, thumbs up.

HA!!! I totally agree!! I knew it was going to happen but I wasn’t sure to what extent since I too have been breastfeeding and/or pregnant for the past five years. My son (14 mo) just weaned and I’ve got nothin!!! saggy little baggy saggy flappy sacks of skin. I was a solid C cup on my wedding day… I am now a B… IF I can gather it all up and get it in the cup. I think this article is hilarious.. Its a war wound and totally worth it!! I would do it all over again! I love the real “utter” honesty that she speaks with! I love that somebody else is currently experience the same thing I am! How Cool! Love this article. Oh and I’m actually a Registered Dietitian and totally pro-breast feeding but I do get that some just can’t do it… and you know what…It’s ok. I wasn’t breast fed and by no means to I hold that against my mom. It’s ok. We all do what is best and what we feel is best for for our children given the circumstances we are in and the knowledge we have. We all need to be more supportive of the decisions that other mothers make… not condemning! Let’s build each other up… that’s what women need no matter what… support! Kinda like a human bra support system! We need and want love and support! Give it Ladies!