Allana Harkin Large

Allana Harkin

Eating Over The Sink

The Real Story Of Santa (sort of)

Listen.  I understand why we are having this discussion.  It’s only mid-December and I’ve already seen enough drunk Santa’s and Lady Elves in red bras and fish nets to last me until next year.  If there was a general rule that all Santa’s had to remain sober for the month of December then I don’t think we’d be having this discussion.  It doesn’t help the situation that the office “Santa” is usually played by some creepy mid-level paper pusher (or worse, boss) who has been gearing up all year to have the ‘pretty ladies’ sit on his knee so he can make inappropriate jokes that he can only get away with during the Holiday Season.  You know general sexual harassment stuff like:

“I got you something REALLY BIG for the holidays”

or,

“Ever heard of the North Pole?  Yeah baby, I carry it around in my pants.”

Ewwww!

This is why we like to give Jesus props around our house.  You know, it is his birthday after all.  No one truly messes with Jesus so much around Christmas.  And seeing the disciples dressed in their underwear and wearing green hats while trying to get 40 kids to stand in line around a sparkly heaven castle to ask Jesus for presents would just be weird.

Old guy in red velvet suit with false beard?  Seems to work.  Who knows.

It does get confusing though because we do talk about Santa all the time.  We will leave the cookies, milk and carrots out on Christmas Eve.  My husband will read my daughters ‘The Night Before Christmas’ as I stand in the doorway watching with tears streaming down my face.  And then my 5 year old will turn to me and ask if Santa is married to Jesus. To which I will reply no, they’re just friends. They went to school together in Bethlehem for a short stint before Santa’s family moved to the North Pole.  Santa’s dad was a skier and the weather in the West Bank didn’t lend itself to great powder.  They kept in touch through letters and Santa offered to deliver presents for Jesus’ birthday because Jesus was a super awesome guy.  Jesus thought it was a splendid idea and hoped that Santa could also get the word to everyone that the central message of his life was about love.

Santa thought that he could do that.   Who doesn’t need a little bit of love in December?   Just imagine if it lasted all year long…

Last year our, now retired, Santa from our local mall said hello to my daughter by name before anyone had even said a word.  For one second he made me believe that Santa might be real.

And you know what?  I kind of loved it.

p.s He was sober.