Santa cures assholes. How can you NOT support that?
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I believe in Santa for several reasons:
1. You can’t spell “manipulation” without “u”. Parents have been raising children using legends and stories for centuries. “Don’t make that face or it’ll freeze like that.” “Brush your hair or rats will come make nests in it.” “Wash your ears or potatoes will grow out of them,” “Don’t get out of bed at night because the snakes that live under your bed will carry you down to snake hell and you’ll have to live there forever.” I think it’s only fair that kids have a few happy legends that bring you something nice if you aren’t an asshole. Technically there might be a lot fewer assholes in the world if more adults believed in Santa Claus. I’m all for anything that lowers incidences of assholes.
2. I believe in Santa Claus because of basic algebra.
“Do you believe in Santa Claus?” “No, it’s just parents.” “Do you believe in parents?” “Of course.” Let’s take that to the next logical conclusion…
If “Santa = parents” and “parents = real” then by logical extension “Santa = real.” That’s how math works, bitches.
3. Santa is real and I believe in him. Because I am him. And when my daughter is old enough I’ll explain to her that Santa is real because his magic was strong enough to encourage anonymous generosity in others over 1,000 years after he died. And when she’s old enough to know that Santa isn’t alive in the technical sense of the word she’ll be old enough to know that she’s now ready to be Santa herself to those less fortunate than herself. Santa never dies because we pick up the mantle he left.
4. I’ve never seen a zombie, but I still keep a rifle in my office in case I see one. I think we should all give Santa the same benefit of the doubt that we give zombies. In that we should believe in his existence, that is. Not that we should shoot him in the face.
5. I’m going to stop now.
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Transitive property for the motherfuckin’ winnnnnn!
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@Jett, that made me lol for real
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Childhood should be magical. If you take away Santa you are taking away part of the magic of childhood. I love my childhood memories of Santa and waking up on Christmas morning finding presents that ‘magically’ arrived under the tree.
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“Technically there might be a lot fewer assholes in the world if more adults believed in Santa Claus.”
Ah, you might be conflating Santa Claus with the Ghost of Christmas Present there. It’s a common mistake; as Dickens writes in “A Christmas Carol”:
“[The Ghost of Christmas Present]‘s torch was a very uncommon kind of torch, for once or twice when there were angry words between some… he shed a few drops of water on them from it, and their good humour was restored directly. For they said, it was a shame to quarrel upon Christmas Day. And so it was! God love it, so it was!
“… ‘Is there a peculiar flavour in what you sprinkle from your torch?’ asked Scrooge.
“‘There is. My own.’
“‘Would it apply to any kind of dinner on this day?’ asked Scrooge.
“‘To any kindly given. To an asshole’s most.’”
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I have 5 grandchildren aged 8 months to 8 years I am Santa!
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I have been touched by the generosity by so many people this past month, that I know there is a Santa. The beauty of people taking up the mantle of generosity keeps him alive.
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I’ve always told my kids that my husband is Santa. They didn’t believe me. So, when they do figure it out, I’m not a liar, and I can be all “Why didn’t you trust me!”.
I would like to have a few words with my son’s teachers who keep pushing the Santa issue. One said she had his email, has met him, and has pictures. My son was on the edge of figuring it out until adults he trusts started pushing it. The way I see it, if you aren’t allowed to say it about Jesus then you shouldn’t say it about Santa at school either. It is just asking for trouble.-
first of all you can’t mention jesus in school because of separation of church and state and since public schools are state run well, you do the math. also, unless you’re going to a religious school it shouldn’t be taught. Santa is a myth nay, legend. do you have a problem with teachers educating children about thanksgiving, mlk, or any of the other holdiday’s that they have off during the school year? There is so little for kids to believe in these days that invokes wonder and magic not to mention that it only lasts for a few short years, why take that away from them and from you?
don’t grinch it up.
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I will have to make sure I am reaaally sneaky…and to definitely not go near the tree in just tightie whities..
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My dad was actually Santa for his office family party once. My kid sister was the only one small enough not to understand that when he explained the costume he brought home. It was HYSTERICAL. He took off the beard at the party to show it was him and everything. She still didn’t beleive it was Daddy, but the lack of beard made him not-scary, so Mom got the Best. Santa picture. EVER.
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Totally agree…and now I’ll be able to explain why I still believe in Santa!
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I may be alone here…but is anyone else wishing Jenny was their algebra teacher?
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Nope. I might have passed the class if she had been teaching. That there formula makes sense! (Course, I’m finding that 4th grade math is hard when helping my daughter so I’m not sure what that says about me, other than I’m stupid at math.)
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Love it!
We tell our kids Santa is how we celebrate the memory of St. Nick. They’ve never asked if he is real because they’ve seen him – why would they ask? I think Santa is magical and I want my kids to have that. Of course I also downplay Santa – he only brings whats in their stockings and we try not to make our Christmas Santa centric (it is one reason we don’t do the elf). -
I agree with The Bloggess. PERIOD. On any and every topic. Because she is MAGICAL and makes me very happy
Plus, she’s an obvious math genious.-
Amen! What she ^^ said!
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“I’ve never seen a zombie, but I still keep a rifle in my office in case I see one.”
Clearly, I need your parenting to come educate my roommate. Maybe if she’d had a little more Santa in her life, she’d be less eager to leave me behind for the zombies.
http://heroineaddict.me/zombie-abandonment-poll-a-holiday-activity/Also, since my companions will clearly be no help, is there any chance I could trouble you to borrow a gun? You’re in TX, I’m going to assume you’ve got more than one.
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This is just how my husband explained Santa to my step-daughter when she was 7!
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Jenny, we all know you keep a rifle in your office because it’s Texas!! Nuf said.
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I’m with Team Bloggess on this- especially #3. There is TOTALLY a Santa. Santa is a spirit of selfless giving and I’ve both met Santa and been privileged to be Santa. He’s so much more that a red suit and rampant commercialism.
About 9 years my family hit some hard times. My husband’s pay was significantly cut right before Christmas. This was in lieu of a layoff so it could have been worse but still…We were expecting a new baby in addition to our 8 year old son, had lots of medical bills related to a high risk pregnancy, our only car had a cracked block, blahblahblah. On top of it all, we discovered that our eight year old needed glasses- badly. There just wasn’t any more money. We were totally tapped out. When we returned from the eye dr. there was a strange envelope in our mail. Inside was over $200 in cash and a letter. The letter was composed of words that had been cut out of magazines and taped to the paper. It said “Do you believe in Santa Claus?” It was enough to buy the glasses and help us get by. But more than that it was someone watching out for us and extending a hand when we needed it. Someone cared. We never found out who sent the letter. But I know it was Santa.
I’ve had the opportunity since then to pay it forward and every time I do, I feel so blessed to be able to “be” Santa and share the love. I guess Santa must be what you make of him- if you choose to play it as a ” bad lie in a red suit” so be it but it seems to me to be such an awesome opportunity to teach kids about giving and loving others.
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Love this! Wholeheartedly agree. I am (probably unnecessarily) depressed by the Best Buy “Game On, Santa” commericals this year. Why are we all up Santa’s grill, trying to bum him out?? He’s trying to make children happy for Cringle’s sake!
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You know, some corporate moron screened those ads and thought, Hm, great marketing campaign. Let’s show people mocking Santa and making him feel inferior. Yes, let’s celebrate being ungrateful assholes to someone who brings joy and happiness and AHEM! GIFTS! to people all over the world. Funny, right?
No.
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My son thinks Thomas is the greatest thing besides air, my daughter thinks she is being super sneaky because she is bringing her enormous invisible elephant with her into the store even though I told her it might step on someone, my grandma believes my children are perfect and that Thanksgiving was Easter, I firmly believed I could talk to animals and was a mermaid when I was a child, and yes Santa does pay a visit and leaves a couple of toys on Christmas. Sometimes it’s the magical memories that are the happiest ones.
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^^LOVE this!! Go Team Bloggess and Team Santa!
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i tought i was the only one who thougt i could talk to animals and was a mermaid when i was little lol
i agree it is the magical memories that are the best.
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Yes. Yes, Santa is real. He is also really a rip-off from the Dutch Sinterklaas. Be sure to tell your kids
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Jenny,
I want to be you when I grow up.
That is all.
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I believe. My 7 yr old believes. She doesn’t care what other people think. I told her, for example, that the fairies she talks about aren’t real. “well, I want to believe they are, Mom”. Hey, that’s good enough for me.
Christmas is supposed to be magical and full of miracles. Is she going to think I lied to her? Only if we explain it that way… “sorry we lied, honey”. Heck no. I will explain it similar to how Jenny explained it in point 3. I don’t think it will corrupt my daughter’s trust or our relationship. My husband and I both believed in Santa as perpetuated by our parents. We did not become compulsive liars, doubt our parents or refuse to trust or speak to them again. Nope… We became Santas ourselves and one day our daughter will too.
One final thought…
My daughter tends to explain things like mall Santas as “Santa’s helpers”. We are getting up early on Saturday morning to help deliver some hampers to some less fortunate families. My girl is excited to be one of Santa’s helpers herself now. Either deep down she has something of a suspicion already or, as smart and pure as children naturally are, she already ‘gets’ this whole spirit of Christmas thing. I tend to believe that ‘Santa’ is a big part of bringing that to her. Not all ‘lies’ are bad ones… -
There will always be a Santa in my life and in the life of my children. Life is too short to make everything about what is real, because frankly, if you take away Santa, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy you suck the fun out of my life and my kid’s life.
Real life experience comes soon enough. Let them enjoy their fantasy.
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Technically, it’s not algebra or even math….it’s logic.
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neither math nor logic…more of a syllogism….and no less brilliant an observation
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I don’t think there was ever a time that I didn’t believe in the magic of Santa, even now. I also don’t believe there was ever a time where I didn’t know my dad was Santa.
He was very big on the whole idea of, if he lied to me about Santa and the Easter bunny etc, and I found out about it (which I would, eventually, of course), wouldn’t I feel betrayed and lied to, and have a hard time trusting him thereafter.
But Santa, to me, has always been magical. I cheer on the image of a fat man in a red suit, or, often, the actual man the stories are based on… It’s the idea, that lives on… Santa never dies, because, you can’t destroy the idea of love
But, I’m strange
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Santa must be real otherwise all you people would be at work, instead of Pretending to be Him to make your Child/Spouse happy.You had all year for that.This is time for bringing more then 1 person Joy.Even you who are in line being Grumpy, Awake with BIG SMILES when your children/Spouse are opening up presants.How many kisses/Hugs have you earned from your Child/spouse for Santa’s presants ? In my 50+ years I have never doubted that he has entrusted us with his Merry for this time of year.He was at one time real.He gave Happiness to many children.Who in turn understood that giving freely to those who had nothing or less was the warmest gift!
I have Been Santa helper for years and would never take away his pleasures of Happiness.I love the Big eyes and EWWWWW’s & Ahhhhh’s.I miss the kisses though seeing that mine are now all Santa’s, all I get are Hug’s.But Still hear the EWWWW’s & Ahhhh’s. Merry Special CHRISTmas.Go Make someone Happy,It will do wonders for your SPIRIT….. -
Kids see the world differently than adults. They see the world with unfiltered love, innocence and joy. That stage doesn’t last forever … why rob them of it? I love the stage where my kids will break out and dance or sing, or shriek a huge belly laugh in public – because they aren’t worried about the “right” way to enjoy themselves or about controlling their unbridled joy into a more acceptable adult-like manner. In those moments they are living … and are just pure joy. I don’t stop them and give them a reality check about how the should morph into a self-concious adult. Soon, too soon, they will get older, and grow up, and worry more about what others think and care less about pure spontaneous joy. Some may see no connection of my ramblings to Santa, but my point is – they believe in Santa because they are pure innocence and love and belief in magical good beings. Soon they will grow up, become logical, they will love more cautiously, and stop believing in untangible things. Or they may keep some of that belief and become brilliant children’s authors and /or artists.
But either way, for me the question is – if I tell them there is no Santa, then what am I really accomplishing?Of course we would still have fun with decorating and baking, and family time and helping others. But to miss the excited anticipation of Christmas Eve, to no longer see them bound enthusiastically from bed, to miss the face splitting grin and shriek of pure joy when they see their stockings … well, it is just not worth it to me. I don’t for a minute think having this fantasy will permanently scar them when they perceive reality, because the reality is – we are doing it out of the one unbridled, unrestricted, unchecked emotion we as reserved grown-ups have left – our pure, innocent, whole hearted love for our kids. And why deny ourselves of that? -
Growing up poor, with an alcoholic and abusive Dad, I was taught that Santa was real. Every year we put up our tree, we set out homemade cookies and a glass of milk. Would pour a little bowl of dry oatmeal, seasoned with a pinch of sugar, some glitter and whatever else we could find to make it magical!
Every thing was arranged carefully on the coffee table with a little note from each of us, usually just a “thank You note. We didn’t want to ask for too much! One special Christmas morning we woke to three, really funny looking octopuses on the back of our couch. I knew my Mom had spent all her free time sewing and stuffing them with scraps of clothing. With each one there -
Santa and Jenny are awesome. After all the negative press and the Santa haters this Christmas I started to feel a little bummed out. You and your fans brought back that Christmas spirit. I also want to add……UPS and Fedex alone created 75,000 jobs this holiday season due to all the generous gift giving/donating. Santa is so awesome he boosted our economy. Santa rocks!
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Having just discovered “Krampus” (Santa’s evil sidekick, apparently) how could one not believe/enjoy and share in jolly ole St. Nick? I like the spirit of the season -> the generosity and thoughtfulness of others. I just wish it would last longer than a few weeks.
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Love the math!
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Another genius post!
Santa is all about the concept – and the concept is very real. -
LOVE IT! I am a grown woman, with kids of my own to whom I “lie” about Santa. I have always believed in his legend…as an older kid I could never tell any friends that I STILL “believed” – how embarrassing!
Now, as a Mommy Santa myself, I have trouble finding words to express to other parents how firmly i held the belief of Santa! One year, my brother and I TOTALLY SAW HIM-
oOpps…hit enter!
We saw him peek into our room and shut our door…both of us were wide awake OF COURSE and neither of us moved or made a sound until the sun came up. We oh so seriously recounted the visit to our parents, who seemed awfully convinced that it hadn’t been one of them…
Now, Santa brings my kids’ stocking stuff and 1 awesome present (unwrapped and assembled)…I don’t want Santa getting all the love!! LOL
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Great Post! And I’d just like to add – they’re not ‘lies’ we tell our kids. They’re stories – ones that we don’t read from books that other people write for us to read to them. In our house, they’re called ‘stories that you tell with your mouth’. Santa is just a Global Story – our whole planetary village tells it – as people we need these stories otherwise we’ll all become like Agent Smith in the Matrix. He wanted Keanu Reeves dead – that can’t be someone that we would want to be. Thanks Bloggess and Team – I now have mathematical proof for my doubtful offspring – with so many ‘stories’ in the house they’re on unsure ground, most of the time, where I like them to be.
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Well then, what about when your kids find out that you have been lieing to them about everything else, like the need for Money, the need for big government, that Christmas is all only part of the Commercialism of the Birth of Christ, who they might grow up believing is all a lie as well?
You cant raise kids to be “Conditionally Honest” … or will you? -
Santa is all about SALES!
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I suppose some will tell their kids how they came to be, through sex, and some of you might even want to show them in an effort to “Be Truthful”… Oh and dont forget all those fairy tales… and DisneyLand??/ and how many other things are our kids lied to about?
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I Like what Cassandra Says… Kids cant comprehend the reality of the world we live in until they have matured enough to handle the ugly truth of our world. Why terrify them? Isn’t that the Terrorists’ Job (we dont want to upset their unions you know)?
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Santa lives in all of us, but more so in Tim Allen. At our house Santa fills stockings and the rest are parents. This way Santa never gives clothes. We also suck at algebra…
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obviously santa is real…Jenny proved it with math. and i won’t argue with algebra.
floridagirlinoklahoma.blogspot.com
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This totally proves Santa is real: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/12/16/anonymous-donors-pay-off-kmart-layaway-accounts/
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If you’re ever the captain of the volleyball team will you please pick me.
Thanks,
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i loved santa when we were growing up, he always bought the best things, the swingset, trampoline, bikes etc i never felt that my parents lied to us, when i found out my sister was still quite young so i felt so grown up and proud to be in on the secret, i loved being able to stay up late on xmas eve helping mum to wrap all the santa presents, and i still do. now that i have my own kids and i have been santa for a few yrs, im starting to see just how much hard work is involved in keeping the magic alive i am even more appreciative of my parents for all they have done for us. it makes me wonder when i hear of parents who tell their small children that santa isnt real if perhaps santa just seems like too much hard work for them? especially the obnoxious ones who feel the need to proclaim it loudly at their child who wants to go and see santa at the shopping centre, in front of my kids who do believe in santa.
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Jesus wasn’t even born in December, so isn’t that kind of a lie too?
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For pete’s sake, make-believe isn’t lying!!!! What is wrong with you people??!?!? Do you tell your kids their imaginary friends aren’t real too? Or that they shouldn’t play pretend? Or read fiction?? Or make a wish when they blow out their birthday candles? There are all kinds of legitimate reasons to object to Christmas ( not being Christian, for example), but the idea that telling the story of Santa is somehow dangerously deceitful to children is ludicrous beyond belief. Get a life.
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Idk why all these bitter parents want to take santa away from their children. Kids believe in all sorts of silly things whether u like it or not and to try and make them grown up so young is horrable. Let your children be happy as long as u can caus b4 u know it they will be grown and have to deal with the real world anyway. Idk what happened in your life to make you have so much hate but projecting that on your kids isnt going to make u n e happier. LET KIDS BE KIDS! Let them immagine a better world where magic happens at christmas, after all, isnt a vergin giving birth to the son of god a pretty magical anf unbelievable thing. We teach them that dont we?. One day they will run the world and idk about u but I hope our future is happy and hopefull, not broken and bitter!
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I’m not Jewish, but I’m with Joel.
My kids they are great and they do what’s good because they love me and I love them not because of a Santa. I honor my children by never telling them a lie. I don’t tell them about snakes under the bed or monsters that eat them if they try to get up in the middle of the night. They know it’s their dad that loves them and is proud at the bravery they show losing a tooth and that yes it’s dad that buys them gifts Christmas day. Healthy well adjusted kids just the way they should be.
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I hope all the anti-Santa “tell the truth all the time” parents will PLEASE stay away from the Disney theme parks (or anywhere else imagination is set free). Pixie Dust does exist, so does Tinker Bell, Peter Pan, and…(gasp) SANTA. Life is full of enough heartache, misery, and soul-crushing sorrow — embrace the joy and spontaneity of make-believe!
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I’m with you, Nathan.. Selling prefabbed lies to children is just wrong. But to each his own. Nevertheless, creative article! I can totally dig it
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The Santa myth ruined all religion for me. He knows when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…. So much like God, and he even comes around on a God sanctioned holiday. So when I learned that there was no such thing as Santa, well the next logical assumption… There is no God. So I just went ahead and told my son there is no God or Santa Claus, and I keep your teeth in a jar with old chicken bones. The ex-wife took some issue with this, stating I could’ve waited until he was at least 5 years old.
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