The media loves girl-on-girl action
12
First of all, please let’s stop using the term “Mommy Wars.” This is an attack on mothers. It is not a catfight. The instigators are, as always, the media.
And why? Let’s see. Anderson Cooper is desperate for ratings, so he tries to get the attention of moms who are home (ostensibly not working) by having a couple of (ostensibly insane) working moms call them lazy. As if this will engender anything but publicity. Obviously he wasn’t after any kind of actual discussion. Good luck with that high-quality programming, Anderson! I’m kidding. Your show is terrible!
As for Dr. Laura, why is anyone still paying attention to this preposterous loon? Seriously. I’m sure when her show is done she heads down to her subterranean dwelling and gnaws the heads off of bunnies and baby hedgehogs. I don’t begrudge her a hobby, but can’t she stay down there where she can’t hurt anyone? Besides the adorable animals, that is?
As for mothers, those on either end of the “debate” respond passionately to this issue because we’re not supported. At all. The government doesn’t support us with subsidized childcare or healthcare. If we choose to work, our companies don’t support us. If we choose to take time off, they sure as hell don’t support us. Without any kind of infrastructure in place to allow women to be parents and also have lives, we have to jury-rig our lives and hope that the whole thing doesn’t come crashing down. And then while we’re trying to negotiate this insane situation the media comes along and whispers, “Psst. Stay at home moms think you’re selfish,” or, “Guess what? This working mom called you lazy.” And then we defend ourselves, and we’re labeled defensive. Emotional. Those women are at it again! The gawkers crowd around, waiting for us to pull each other’s hair and maybe kiss.
I wish we would stop taking the bait, and put the focus where it belongs. Like on Anderson Cooper. He is just the worst.
-
Ugh. And yet nobody but nobody (in the media, that is) EVER questions whether a Dad should work or stay home.
-
I’ve read a lot about the so-called Mommy Wars (hate that term, too), and I don’t think I’ve ever come across your point about lack of support being a root cause of this perceived divisiveness. You really tweaked something in me with that one. We all feel this deep need to defend ourselves and our choices because 1) hello, these are our children we’re talking about, 2) we’re all mama bears deep down, and 3) no matter what our choices are, you’re right – as mothers, working or sahming or wahming or whatever, we’re not supported by any of the powers that be. So we search for support wherever we can, which logically leads us to those who are like-minded, which potentially leads to groupings and group identities, which potentially leads to self-righteousness and demonizing other groups. And while I think the media definitely eggs us on, I don’t think we can blame them totally. I’ve been part of plenty of mom groups who are pretty judgmental of other choices all on their own. I do think a lot of it goes back to lack of support, though. Those who I’ve seen to be the most judgmental are usually the ones who don’t even have the support of their own parents or spouses, much less society in general.
-
I think you nailed it Annie. We are such an un-supported group. Pushed out of the hospital a day or two after giving birth. No time to heal, let alone let our hormones simmer. We have this ridiculous notion that getting help/support is a luxury. When in fact many other countries support their mothers far better. I don’t feel tension between SAHM vs Working moms In my neighborhood. I just sense our exhaustion and flailing.
-
-
I can’t thank you enough for so many things you said here: about the phrase “mommy wars” — yes, can’t we please please please stop with the “mommy” anything?; about not being supported — OY DON’T GET ME STARTED; about Dr. L and baby hedgehogs. Great points, great post.
I do think this ongoing battle is fueled by insecurity, and stoked by the media. I can’t imagine in this age of wars, economic turmoil, and a presidential campaign (which, ugh), that there is a slow enough news day for the media to fan these flames.
-
I spit out my coffee (through my nose) reading that line about Dr. Laura. I can’t believe that woman is still on the air. She’s a class A shit started. Her livelihood depends on controversy.
I have been a called a SAHM and a working mom. But really what I am is a mom and a wife and a woman who happens to have a job (or two or three–depending on the time of year). I do what works for me and my family. So who cares. I am so tired of these conversations.
And the whole idea of support–it just blows my mind. I work in education and have been really lucky to work for people who understand the dilemma’s of working parents (because my current boss is a man and he yells at me to go home and be with my family as he does the same). We need more conversations about how we all (moms/dads) find the balance between work/life/self.
I’d watch a show about that. But not about this “war.” Let’s be honest–parenting itself is a bit of a war and I have a limited military budget and can only fight one war at a time.
-
the funny thing is that if anderson and laura were actually smart, they would know that daytime TV is watched by SAHM’s (according to the ratings) so why get up there and call your target audience lazy?
marvelous response on your part — I especially like how you say that we really do not support either position here in this country - -
Love this discussion, especially Meagan’s point about us all just wanting to do it right, and to be right. All the media bashing strikes me as ironic, though. Ladies, you ARE the media! OK, maybe not Anderson Cooper-size media, but your blogs are read by thousands of people. You are the media, too. (And it’s a good thing.)
Add your take:
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
