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"Dad bloggers are the ice cube in the soup, tempering the shock of an egalitarian world for the consumption of more traditional male thinkers. Dad bloggers are examples and scions, both communicating about fatherhood (instead of competing about it) and introducing men to the idea that it’s okay to think about these things, to have public opinions about them, to talk about them, and to own them."
I agree with this, but also found myself pausing - I don't know that I'm entirely comfortable with the idea that 'appeasing the patriarchy' is desirable. I mean, I recognize it as potentially effective, but I don't know that I *like* it - 'it's okay, guys! don't worry about those uppity women! men are still in control!'
But, but... I do agree with your point that the HOME is where we find the front-line of the battle for equality, and that meaningfully integrating men there is single most important charge in that battle.
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Allana Harkin Eating Over The Sink
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Doug French The Turbid Spume
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Eden M. Kennedy The Popcorn Whisperer
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Joel Stein More Stories About Some Kid
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Samantha Bee Eating Over The Sink
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Shawn Burns Parenting Off the Map with Backpacking Dad
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Tracey Gaughran-Perez Sweetney & Spice
Does The Rise of Moms Mean The End Of Dads?
For most of human history, the family unit has, with few exceptions, been organized around the father. Dads have been seen as heads of the household - the people who define and lead and speak for the family - since before Noah herded all his kids onto the ark. But in the 21st century, we’ve seen a new social, cultural, political and economic phenomenon: the rise of moms. Moms are everywhere, with their blogs and their businesses and their status as one of the most important constituencies in all corners of public life, from town hall to marketplace. This is great – for moms. But what does it mean for dads? Are fathers being left behind? Are dads being marginalized in the culture of parenthood, pushed to the sidelines except insofar as they serve as comic foils to smart, capable moms who could probably - if cultural narratives are to be believed - manage just as well without them? Should we be fighting to keep dads in the cultural conversation about parenting - as Babble is endeavoring to do, with its Top 50 Dad Blog list and its soon-to-be-launched dad section - or should we be letting cultural history take its course, and let dads rise or fall as they may?
QUESTION 1
The current culture of parenting seems to focus entirely on mothers – almost, some have argued, to the exclusion of dads. Do you think that this is true? Have dads been marginalized in cultural representations of parenting?
That might not actually be for sure, but let's suppose it is. Let's suppose that culturally, in cinema and game shows and everything else that comes through the pipeline from Planet Infotainvertising, the rise of moms' cultural currency means that dads …
I definitely agree that dads have been marginalized in cultural representations of parenting. There is no question in my mind that the vast majority of anything kid-related is geared directly at ‘mothers’, as opposed to ‘parents’. With the …
My philosopher's brain wants to settle everything important about the assumptions in the question before answering the question (Does "dad" mean what the question needs it to mean to be a worthwhile question? Is there a difference between a cultural …
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I don't think I'm saying what you think I'm saying, unless you have broader notions of both appeasement and patriarchy than I do. Writing about parenting, thinking about parenting, engaging in parenting, from male perspectives that are not locked into old stereotypes is not appeasing the patriarchy. This isn't about telling men that they are still in control; it's about telling men that it's a good thing to be a parent; just as good as getting an MBA and ordering interns around all day. This isn't going to happen on its own without influential examples and persuasive writing. It's not going to happen if only women do the talking. And it's not going to happen if we're only superficially egalitarian about the conversation.
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I was totally reading into, for sure - my discomfort was less with what you said, precisely, as it was with an idea that I felt was kind of lurking there (not necessarily put there by you, but there to be found. Will pick this up later after my flight has landed. Anti-patriarchalist working mama is travelin'! ;)
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Oy, Babble. I swear to Christmas, you're giving me migraines with these headlines.
The "End of Dads"?
It's true that moms have "risen" dramatically online, because mothers historically have shouldered the majority of the parenting responsibility, …
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It doesn't necessarily mean that dads are falling - that's why it's framed as a question. Because it's the core of dads' complaint, isn't it, that they're marginalized in the culture? That the focus on MOMS MOMS MOMS leaves them out? (Hence the rhetorical question about the 'end of dads' - if they've been pushed to the side in the culture, doesn't that give us something to worry about? The question is meant to identify a problem, or perhaps the extreme end of a problem, a *possibility*, and consider responses to it, as Hanna Rosin's question in the Atlantic last year - are we seeing the end (decline) of men? - did. If there is a decline or marginalization - or even the possibility of one - the rhetorical question asks that we confront it.)
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Yes, but what group are we talking about here? Dads, online dads, or men? Although we are a concentric Venn diagram, the groups are not interchangeable. I agree that the hegemony of men (the mengemony!) in our culture is in decline, not only because 1) we are seeing more female CEOs and Congresspeople, but also because 2) girls are running circles around boys in the classroom. (Point 1 is completely welcome; Point 2 scares the fertilizer out of me.)
But fatherhood is evolving favorably, and the rise of dadblogging is its most salient symptom. Men are spending more time fathering, and finding other fatherers online. Which can only help more boys have more specific role models for how they live their manhoods in generations hence. It might even help address Point #2.
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No. I don't think dads have been excluded from the parenting equation at all. In fact, in most popular media it's the Dad who is the fun engaged parent while mom is usually in the background folding...something. Take a look at any film, TV show …
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"everyone knows that a REAL mom would be taking this precious time to sit in the kitchen to read Vanity Fair (or something) and hope no one talks to her for 5 minutes."
OH GOD YES.
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It's interesting to hear men complaining about being marginalized relative to a sphere that they themselves collectively assigned to women for thousands of years, one traditionally deemed by them to be lesser, beneath them, "women's work." And yes, women …
Sure, we dads had our cultural heyday in the 1980s: Mr. Mom, Kramer vs. Kramer, Full House, My Two Dads. But we were bumbling dads, the objects of ridicule. Raising a kid was some ridiculous new thing being asked of men, and we responded by purposely …
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Allana, I am surprised and impressed that you watch more TV than I do. This might explain why there are more well-rounded moms on TV and so few in comic books.
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