I grew up on a small, oil-rich island in the Caribbean, the daughter of a serious PhD petroleum engineer.  When I was young, my father used to spend every other week on one of the offshore oil rigs that could be seen from our back door; as I got older, his travels took him elsewhere around the world. Even when he was in town, he worked late hours, usually leaving before my sister and I were awake, and arriving well after we had gone to bed.  The man was a workaholic.

I am nothing like him.  (I am totally lying.)

This Sunday is Mother’s Day:  the day of fragrant bouquets, breakfasts-in-bed and sweet handmade gifts from our kids.  It’s a lovely day to remember our moms, and to honour our partners for the job they do in parenting our little ones.  Mother’s Day is awesome.  But honestly?  It’s not a day I ever thought would be one I would celebrate for myself.

I’m in the process of procrastinating.

I’m actually supposed to be packing right now — I’m leaving for my third conference and speaking opportunity in as many weeks, and I’m starting to get a little numb from all the travel. I’m traveling so often, TSA practically waves me through security, thinking I’m an airport employee.  Flight attendants are starting to greet me by name.  Airport parking attendants ask, “your usual parking spot, Karen?”

I exaggerate.  But not by much.

Friends of mine who don’t travel often sometimes wistfully ask about my traveling life, thinking that it must be full of adventure and intrigue I suppose; however, those of us who travel a lot in our jobs know that it can actually be a draining experience.  That said, I’ve developed a few tricks to make even my business travel as calm as possible.  And so, today, I’ll share with you some of my favourite travel companions and tricks that help make being away from home a really calming experience, on you can be grateful for.

What to bring:

Whenever I travel, I have a few must-pack items that I take with me on every trip, that help keep me centered and healthy:

1. Halls Defense Vitamin C Drops.  I live in fear of getting ill (because nothing is worse than being sick when you have a young child, am I right?), and sitting in a pressurized tin can with recycled air hurtling through the sky at hundreds of fear-inducing miles per hour seems like a great way to do it.  So I found these awesome Vitamin C drops that taste like sweets (as opposed to some of those other preventative mixes or drinks that don’t taste very good).  I always throw a bag or two of these in my handbag, and eat them like candy while I’m traveling — literally as often as I would a breath mint.  I’ve also been known to hand them out at conferences to other people who are also traveling.  I figure it can’t hurt, and, knock wood, I haven’t caught a cold from a trip in a while.

2.  A baggie full of my favourite tea bags.  I’m not sure when I started carrying tea bags with me on flights, but it’s one of my favourite ideas I’ve ever had.  The thing is, I’ve never had a decent cup of coffee (or tea, for that matter) on a flight, but flights always have hot water, and thankfully, it’s hard to screw up hot water.  So I with the cup of hot water kindly provided to me by the flight attendant, I make my tea exactly as I like.  Because the bags aren’t liquid, there’s no problem getting them on the plane; and then, once I get to my destination, it’s a great way to wind down at the end of the day — I just go to the front desk of my hotel and get a pot of hot water (and most hotels feel guilty about charging you for hot water, so it’s usually free).  Similarly, I take tea bags with me to conferences, so that I can just get a cup of hot water and take it with me into the conference room.

3.  Mini-speakers for my iPhone.  The speakers you see in the imagewere a gift from AOL (part of the swag from some conference or another), and they’re great for turning your hotel room into a particularly peaceful place when you plug them into your mp3 player or iPhone (with a pre-established playlist of calming music, of course).  These gift speakers aren’t working all that well anymore (which is to be expected from a freebie), so I’ve since purchased these really inexpensive ones, which work fine.  (If you don’t have speakers, ask room service to send up a small bowl — Schmutzie tells me that this works well to amplify your mp3 player just as well).

4.  A small vial of essential oil. I love sprinkling lavender oil on the hotel bedlinens before I sleep — it’s really calming, like sleeping in a spa.  I usually get  this one — a light, beautiful scent, and I can’t wait to use it on this trip. (And for those of you who are men, or who would prefer something less girly than lavender or rose, might I suggest sandalwood — a far more masculine scent, but equally calming.)

5.  Tea lights.  Because nothing makes hotel rooms feel more calm like candlelight.  And if you’re nervous about having an open flame in the hotel room,  get these battery-operated ones — place in a glass, and you might even forget the flame is fake.

6.  A good book.  The one good thing about air travel is that you’re a captive audience — no one can interrupt you with an annoying phone call.  What better opportunity to catch up on reading?  I read voraciously when I travel, and love to end my evenings in my hotel room, getting buried in some really great writing.  In fact, if you’re traveling anytime soon, I strongly recommend this book (but fair warning:  Jenny Lawson is hysterically funny, so it is not just possible, but probable, that you will embarrass yourself by snorting in public).

7.  My journal and favourite pens.  I journal every day, and the way I journal calms me.  It’s good to have my journal with me on long, boring flights; but I also try to keep journaling while I’m at the hotel as well, to give me some continuity with my routine at home.

8.  A rosary.  Because this Catholic girl hates to fly.

What I do:

1.  Schedule down time. It can be really difficult to schedule quiet time when you’re traveling (for work, or for pleasure, for that matter), but I make it a must:  I always make sure that I schedule at least 1 hour of doing absolutely nothing.   I may use the time to nap, or meditate, or frankly, even just sit and stare into space.  But no matter what, I set the time — complete with an alarm on my iPhone — to go relax.

2.  Take advantage of room service.   I know room service is exorbitant (seriously, do they make those meals out of gold dust?), but if I can swing it, at some point on my travels, I usually have breakfast in my room.  It’s a nice way to leisurely get ready for the day, without feeling too rushed.

3.  Skype.  Because nothing cheers me up like seeing my husband and daughter while I travel.

So how about you — do you have any Attitude-of-Gratitude Travel Tips?  Leave them in the comments below.  And for those of you about to fly — godspeed, friends.  May you have a wonderful trip!

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People, I am totally spent.

In the last 10 days or so, I’ve been on two trips (both of them flying through Atlanta — what up, Atlanta?), celebrated a friend, visited a military base, and done an insane amount of speaking.  I’m sitting in my office right now as I type this, staring at the screen with blurry eyes, and a fuzzy mind.  What I’d really love to do is throw in the towel and take a nap.

And yet, as I sit here in my bleary state, I can’t help but note that oftentimes when I’m bone tired, so tired that I really can’t even think straight, so tired that I’m grumpy, those are the times when I notice I have a ton of things to be grateful for.  Oftentimes, my fatigue masks the fact that I’ve been experiencing a lot — and whenever I experience a lot, even if it’s during a stressful or sad time, I know that there are some kernels of good and happiness to be found, if I just go looking for them.  And so, today, I thought I’d share some of the images that have been appearing in my life lately, proving that despite my desperate need for rest and relaxation, there’s a lot of good that is happening for me lately:

And with that, I’m off to take a happy, grateful nap.  How about you:  any wonderful things happening in your otherwise stressful, busy lives?

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I’ve mentioned before that I’ve maintained a pretty sustained gratitude practice — every night for about 16 years now.  It really has changed my life.  And for the past 3 years or so, I’ve also been an avid journaller.  So it might surprise you to hear that I’ve never made my own gratitude journal, even though I fully and enthusiastically support the idea of one.

I’ve always meant to, of course.  But I feel like I spend a helluva lot of time on my own journal, and my blog, that really, starting a separate gratitude journal would seem a bit … well, gratuitous.

Then I stumbled across this really lovely little video by Hailey Bartholomew:

I LOVE the simplicity of her journal, using her Polaroid.  Isn’t it just beautiful?  It totally inspires me to create my own journal.  One problem:  I don’t have a Polaroid camera. And while I certainly have a lot of fancy digital cameras, I always feel like with all of the adjustments and settings that I fiddle with when I take a shot, that only proper film processing will do for the result.

Which of course, requires that I pull up the image in Photoshop, make my adjustments, make sure the images get printed professionally …

… so yeah, needless to say, it never happens.  Unless I can have the immediacy of a Polaroid, what’s the point?

Enter Instagram:

I’ve been using Instagram for a while now, having fallen in love with the processing on the fly, and the immediacy with which photographs can be shared on various social media sites.   But it dawned on me this past week, as I was shooting the images above, then when I do stop to take a shot, more often than not it’s because I’m grateful for the subjects.  For example, as shown in the images above, I was grateful for the morning sun during my morning commute.  I was grateful for friends who would put moustaches on with me and act the fool.  I was grateful for running across spiral notebooks that made me laugh.

And when you think about it, if you’ve been using Instagram (or just your camera phone), you’ve likely been taking photographs of things you’ve been grateful for too.  I mean, think about it:  when was the last time you saw someone post one of their camera phone photos on Facebook as evidence of a complaint?  It’s my experience that people take and share photos of things in their lives that make them smile.  That bring them joy.

That make them thankful.

So I’ve made myself a little promise:  from now on, once a week, while I’m sitting in front of the television watching a home movie with my family (we do that a lot), I’m going to make a point to print these camerap hone photos — just on regular office paper; since it’s a camera phone, no need to get fancy — and just glue them in my journal.  Like this:

And underneath each photograph, I’m going to jot a note about when the photograph was taken, and why I’m grateful for it.

Voilá, instant gratitude journal — and it hardly takes any time at all.  What it lacks in perfection, it makes up for in charm (I hope).    And one day a long time from now, I’ll look on these pages as an amazing record of the good that is in my day-to-day life.

Do you journal what you’re grateful for?  Do you ever print your camera phone photos?

Dude.  You totally should.

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In Buddhist tradition, I am told a special bell is often sounded in the practice of mindfulness meditation.  In my limited understanding, the sound of the bell is intended to remind you to keep your mind from wandering, and bring your focus back to your own breath.  It’s a beautiful sound intended to wake you from the ceaseless chatter in your own mind and bring you back to the present, to deeply witness everything that is happening in the moment, both within yourself and your current environment.

I love this concept.  I love the idea of something external — a sound, a noise, a smell, an image — pulling you out of the torrent of thoughts constantly streaming through your mind, bringing you back to the present to enjoy a quiet moment.  A peaceful moment.

Now, I’m not Buddhist, and I don’t own a mindfulness bell.  But it occurs to me that there have been “mindfulness bell moments” at various times in my life when something — a sound, a noise, a smell, an image — has absolutely pulled me out of my thoughts, and put me back into the present moment, filling me with gratitude.  And as I sit here thinking about this, two memories immediately come to mind:

The first happened over  a decade ago, when I was living in London. I was practicing law then, and would commute to an office almost every day; however, some days I would work from home, buried under contracts, email requests and multimillion dollar oil industry deals.  As a rule, I was in the habit of working long days, and on those days when I didn’t even have to get out of my pajamas, the hours were longer still.

As it happened, the back garden of my ground-floor flat shared a fence with the back garden of a small day care centre.  And on those days when I would be working in silence in my home, at a certain hour all the small children would come pouring outside, and the air would be filled with their laughter, the creaking of their swing-set, and the singing of their childish songs.  When this happened, I would have to stop whatever I was doing, thinking about or fretting over, and bring my attention to the beautiful sound of the children.  It was a reminder that despite contracts, email requests and multimillion dollar oil deals, the world still held much wonder, and for that I should be grateful.

The second mindfulness bell moment that comes to mind actually happened earlier this week.

I’ve been buried under work lately:  an unusual number of meetings, telephone conferences and writing deadlines.  And as always seems to happen when I’m buried at work, everyone else in my house is suddenly crazed as well:  my husband was working late because of some huge projects at his job, and my daughter had tests this week, requiring me to help her study.  We’ve been handling it, but to say that I’ve been distracted 24/7 would be an understatement.  I’ve been crazed.

A couple of nights ago, I was running around, trying to make dinner, check email and help my daughter with her flashcards all at the same time, when suddenly our dog scratched at the back door, wanting to go out.  Impatiently, I opened the door …

… and suddenly, intently a scent hit me squarely in the face.

Jasmine.

I had forgotten that last year, my husband had planted some climbing star jasmine vines along the fence around the back corner of our house, and suddenly, unexpectedly, they were in full bloom.  Our back garden was filled with the beautiful aroma of jasmine.

And for that brief second, I inhaled deeply.  And I was very grateful.

How about you — have you had any mindfulness bell moments in your life that you can remember?  Any lately?

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Yesterday (before I sat down to write this post, in fact), I decided to take a quick break and sit outside in our garden.  Idly, I grabbed a copy of our neighbourhood magazine to thumb through while I sat on our backyard swing, enjoying the spring day.

Right in the middle pages of the magazine was an interview of a pretty prominent Houston newscaster.   As she recounted some of the highlights of her career, she mentioned that in her youth, she had exchanged letters with former congresswoman and civil rights leader Barbara Jordan.  In her letter, Jordan told her the following:

“You can do anything you want to do.  Just make it honourable.”

I’ve been thinking about these words ever since I read them.  At first blush, it seems like simply great advice from a leader to a young girl who had yet to make a decision on what she wanted to be when she grew up.  And in truth, this is what we’re always told we should strive for, right?  This is what our parents, grandparents and kindergarten teachers encouraged us to work for all our lives:  Help make the world a better place, they would plead.  Be honourable.   And so, we tried:  we dreamt of being doctors, lawyers, firefighters, police officers.  You know, honourable.

But digging deeper, it seems to me that Jordan’s statement is applicable even now, even after I’ve already finished my education and chosen my profession.  As an adult, every waking minute of every day, I make tons of decisions:

• how I’m going to deal with my family as we face the morning rush
• how I prioritize my work schedule, and how I deal with clients and colleagues
• how I deal with bad news, bad luck, bad behaviour and other setbacks
• how I share of myself, my family and my friends online
• how I choose to comment, react, respond to things I read, hear, experience
• how I decide what to tweet, retweet, “pin,” “like,” “+1″ and otherwise share and communicate on the internet.

And ever day, when I make these decisions, consciously or not, I choose to do each one of them honourably or … not.

Here’s the thing:  these days, “honourable” doesn’t sell magazines, or advertising, or television air time.  Honourable doesn’t get you fame and fortune, or heck, even massive pageviews.  Honourable doesn’t bring you cash.  Honourable just isn’t sexy.

Also?  Honourable is hard.

Still, when I consider the alternative — when I choose to react, or respond, or behave in a way that I feel to be less honourable than I know I am capable of, there is just nothing worse that that uneasy feeling that I get in the pit of my stomach.  You know the one:  the one where the little voice inside of you says, dude, you are better than that.  The one that comes dangerously close to feeling like shame.

Man, I hate that feeling.  Because in my world, nothing comes in the way of my feeling gratitude like experiencing shame.

My friend Brené Brown, a researcher who studies shame, and vulnerability and courage,  once shared a wonderful quote from Mary Anne Radmacher:  “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”  It’s a great message to remind myself before I got to sleep each night that, indeed, I live in a place and time where I can do anything I want, and I can always try again in the morning.  It’s a complete relief, when you think about it.

But since reading that article in my little local magazine, I feel challenged to do more.  Maybe after I’ve gone to bed with Radmacher’s words in mind,  in the morning I should wake up and set my tone for the new day, with Jordan’s words at the forefront of my thoughts.  Maybe, before I even get out of bed, I should make a habit of thinking, what is it that I want to stand for today?

Perhaps, as I set my future course for my career, not to mention in my roles as a wife, mother, daughter and friend, I should take Jordan’s advice:  perhaps I should consider how I can consciously and intentionally make my life and what I choose to do in it honourable.

Because I suspect that while doing so might not bring me fame, fortune or heck, even massive pageviews, it will bring me a ton of gratitude.

And on that grateful note, have a wonderful weekend, friends.

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Let’s review, shall we?

In the United States national headlines in the last couple of  weeks, we’ve had:

a)  a conservative media megastar call a young woman a “slut” in a public forum;

b) a liberal media megastar call a conservative, well-known woman politico the c-word (you know the word, the Really Bad One) in a public forum; and

c)  a young, unarmed, African-American child gunned down by a grown white (Hispanic?) man for no discernible reason, and the shooter was able to return to his home while the cops turned an apparent blind eye.

And you know what?  That’s just the start.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it up to here with the name-calling, the bigotry, the just-plain-meanness.  I mean, every week, I share with you thoughts about what’s good about my life over the past seven days, and every week, I wonder if I’m just wasting my time pointing these things out, my tiny online voice barely discernible in this roar of media attention on the ugly behaviour, the discrimination, the extermination that is going on in the world — not just in the country I live in, but everywhere on this planet.  It is almost enough for me to completely throw in the towel:  why even try look for any good?  Turn on any news show, or watch Twitter headlines flash by, and it seems clear that the world is going to hell in a handbasket.  Seriously, what’s the point?

Why do I even bother?

Well, you know what?  I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided that I’m going to continue to bother.  And here’s why:

I bother, because every time I notice something in my life that is good, it’s a reminder that the world doesn’t have to be this way.

I bother, because when I make a point of recording my thankfulness, it gives me hope.

I bother, because my practice of being grateful helps me cope when times are rough.

I bother, because every time I’m the recipient of some kindness, I remember that there is beauty in the world.

I bother, because I think that the media is ultimately the business of selling, and sadly, ugly behaviour and disheartening stories sell.  But they aren’t the whole story.

I bother, because my young daughter is looking to me for ways to deal with life, and I want her to realize that despite everything, life is very, very good.

I bother, because even if I can’t change the world, I can change my world.  And my world isn’t insignificant, dammit.

I bother, because despite it all, for every person exhibiting some bad behaviour that I see in the world, I can identify hundreds of truly good, kind people who are doing good in the world.  And I’d like to keep it that way.

I bother, because I’m convinced gratitude, and happiness, and kindness are contagious.  And I want to do my part to help make them go viral.

I bother because ultimately, I don’t want to be a part of the problem, but I want to be a part of the solution. I want to be sure that in this desert of ugliness and evil and desperation that keeps getting thrown at us, I can create a small oasis of hope and gratitude, even if that oasis is just big enough to hold myself and my family and anyone else who wants to join me.  I bother because gratitude provides me moments of peace and happiness, and I quite nakedly love peace and happiness.

And so I interrupt Bliss Your Heart this week to tell you that I really, truly and sincerely hope that you take a moment — just 30 seconds, even! — to close your eyes and think about what makes you grateful in your life.

Right here, and right now.

And then, I hope you make a habit of  taking that moment, as often as you can think about it.  Because I want you to create your own oasis of hope and gratitude.  Because I want you to bother.

Because your world isn’t insignificant.

Dammit.

________________

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I’ve just returned from Columbus, Georgia, speaking at the Women’s Leadership Conference at Columbus State University.  I had the most amazing time while I was there:  I met truly inspiring women, listened to really interesting talks, and was warmly received by some of the kindest people I’ve ever met.  It was such a great time, for which I’m truly thankful.

But now that I’m back, it happens to be spring break this week in Texas, so I’m squeezing the last few moments out of it with my family right now.  It’s been such a whirlwind traveling week for me, that honestly, I haven’t taken many pictures.  Yet.

However.

You guys are amazing photographers!  And when last week, I asked you to share with me images of what you’re grateful for, so many of you did, with abandon.  The images are beautiful.  They’re touching. And a few are even spellbinding.

So while I’m off to the beach with my husband and daughter, I’ll share some of my favourites of yours with you in the slideshow below.  Thanks to all of you who shared.  And please, keep them coming:  if you’d like to be featured here on Bliss Your Heart, simply send your images to me at karen@babble.com, with a short description of what they represent, and a link to your site, if you have one.

Because gratitude is contagious.  And we should all be responsible for spreading it.

Have a great week, everyone.  Enjoy.

Amazing sunflare image

"My heart is bursting at the seams with gratitude for all the blessings I have in my life, specially my husband, my daughters, my family. I know I am very fortunate and I will never, ever take it for granted."
-- Libertad Leal

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Every week since the beginning of August last year, I’ve been sharing with you all of the the things that I’m grateful for — everything from the exciting (like trips overseas), to the completely mundane (like quiet moments at home), to even finding my good mood again.  As I said at the very beginning of this exercise, it’s easy to find beautiful moments around you, if only you stop and look.  For example, this week wasn’t a particularly unusual week; still, it wasn’t hard to appreciate the return of spring …

… or even the joy on my daughter’s face as she took her very first horseback riding lesson.

I believe very passionately in the power of a consistent gratitude practice (so much so that I launched a monthly online magazine dedicated to gratitude which also helps to change the world), and I’ve become pretty evangelical about encouraging people to do the same.

So now, we’re going to up our game a bit.  I’m going to ask you to join me.

If you’d like to start your own photographic gratitude practice and have your images featured on the site, please share it with me my emailing your shots to karen@babble.com.  I’d love to see your images, and if you’re open to it, I’d love to feature some of them here on Bliss Your Heart.

Because, ultimately, I think gratitude practiced in solitude can be an amazing thing — but gratitude practiced with others?

Well, that might just be the key to world peace.

I hope you’ll join me.

________________

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